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She stirs in my arms, moving so that I no longer feel the soft beating
of her heart against my chest. I don't know how long we've been lying
here, and I don't care, even if this is my office and about ten people
are outside that door. All I know is that she's here with me, and no
amount of time feels like it would be enough for me to ever get tired
of staying this way.
She pulls away to look at me with worried eyes, her fingers lightly trailing across my collarbone. "Pacey?" "Yeah?" My voice sounds gruff as I pull my discarded shirt from the floor and drape it over us to keep out the chill. "What now?" The hesitation in her eyes and voice makes my chest constrict a little. I know I could have handled things better than I did; could have tried to be more understanding and not let my assumptions get the better of me. But Joey was hundreds of miles away, and when I heard the voice of the man she had loved for three years in that room with her, I guess I let my missing her take its toll. I wish I could say that I'm sorry she came, but I'd be flat out lying. I know I haven't felt this happy since the day she got on that plane. But I also know I'll feel even happier at the end of this semester, when she comes back from Madrid after finishing her internship. "Now you go back to Madrid." I tell her, brushing a finger against the soft skin on her cheek. God, she's beautiful. I wonder if she knows how lucky I feel to be lying here with her? Joey smiles crookedly at me, her eyebrows furrowing. "What?" "Now you go back to Madrid, Jo," I repeat. "Or don't, if that's what you prefer. I guess what I'm trying to say is, do whatever you want." I hold her face in my hand and look intently into her eyes, letting her know that I mean it. "I'm sorry for doubting you. And I'm even sorrier for not telling you about Anne. To be honest, I missed you so much there were days when I didn't even want to get out of bed." She touches my face tenderly, concern in her eyes, and I shake my head to reassure her. "But I'm not going to let that get in the way of your going back, and I'm definitely not going to let you throw this chance away just because of me. We can do this." I push away the uncertainty that plants itself at the back of my head and pray that I sound more convinced than I feel. When did it become so hard for me to live without her? "Or at least try to do better than we have so far," I add, resorting to teasing so that my heart doesn't feel quite so heavy. Her laughter sounds good to my ears. And one look at the brightness in her smile is enough to make me feel surer than ever that I'm doing the right thing. Even if it stings a little. "You really should have told me about Anne, you know." Joey admonishes me after she sobers, a classic I-know-I'm-right Joey expression on her face. "I know." I admit before kissing her quickly on the lips. "But you'd better be sure that Finn hasn't got anything up his sleeve," I try to sound stern, but can't keep from smiling. "Else I'm gonna go there and kick his ass." She rolls her eyes at the exaggerated macho statement and smiles back. "Don't worry." "And you'd better promise to e-mail me everyday." "And call at least once a week, and maybe even send some snail mail now and then," she adds laughingly. "When I can find time off from my busy social schedule, of course." "Of course. But I'm not promising that I'll always be able to reply, Jo." "Oh, sure," she nods seriously. "You're always occupied with all your other girlfriends, after all." "Yeah," I agree regretfully. "I need to beat them off with a stick, you know." We laugh at our silliness until Joey stops and looks at me earnestly. "Seriously, Pace. I promise to make time to e-mail you everyday. Even if it's just to bore you with the most mundane things." "And I promise to bore you equally in return." She smiles. "I think we can really do this." "I think so, too." I really do. *** To: [email protected] Dear Pacey, Did you get any sleep after we talked last night? You really didn't have to wait up for my call, you know. But I'm glad you did. :-) It was nice to hear your voice again after being in a plane for the second time in a 48-hour period. Remind me never to do that again. I went back to work today, and Amanda didn't freak out too much about my… sudden trip. ;-) Good thing my ticket was free the first time around! LOL. Back to musty rooms, old artifacts, and sneeze-inducing books. Is there something wrong with me if those things make me happy? (I'd be happier if you were with me, though… hint, hint) Madrid is beautiful this time of year. Got any vacation time saved up yet? Write back. Miss you already. Love you, |