"Joey, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. It's probably just all that dust and all that reading," I laugh, waving off his concern. I guess I should feel guilty that he's so concerned when the only reason I've been so quiet while he walked me to my room is because of Pacey. And Anne.

"Well, I think I'm gonna go get something to eat. Suddenly a midnight snack sounds really good." He grins as we approach my door. "You don't want anything? I can bring it back here."

I tilt my head and think about it. "It won't be any trouble?"

"No," he assures me. "I was gonna get mine to go, anyway. And I'm right next door." He gestures toward the door across the hall.

"Okay." I smile. "Actually, why don't we split a pizza? Just come on in; I won't lock the door."

He nods and heads off. "No problem."

"Thanks, Finn." I call after him before entering my room.

My Pacey teddy bear sits forlornly in the middle of the bed. I flop down on the mattress and take him onto my lap, sighing. How tempting is it to forget Pacey right now and just get back together with Finn? It would make things so much easier. I wouldn't have to drive myself crazy thinking about him working with his ex, I wouldn't have to miss him so much.

It wouldn't have to hurt so much.

The telephone rings and I almost jump out of my own skin, the shrill sound piercing my thoughts. "Hello," I answer.

Nothing greets me but the faint noise of static. "Hello." I say again.

"Hey, stranger."

I swear my heart stops beating for half a second when I hear his voice, and my teddy bear falls to the floor. "Pacey?" I ask, half afraid to believe that it's really him.

"Is there another guy that you were expecting a call from?" He replies, and oddly, the joke squeezes at my chest and makes me want to cry. How am I going to tell him? Is he going to tell me?

I muster some laughter and wipe my damp palms against my pants. "This is a surprise," I say honestly. I shut my eyes tight and try to focus, try to ground the tornado that begins to churn inside me. I'm so happy to hear your voice again. I miss you so much.

"You're not too busy, are you?" His question slashes sharply through me.

I sit up and suck it all in. Don't get angry, Jo. That'll just make things worse. "No." I force some cheerfulness into my voice. "It's kind of the middle of the night here, Pacey. What about you? Aren't you at work?"

"I am, actually. Just taking a break. How are you, Jo?"

"I'm great, Pace." Now or never. Tell him. "I was actually trying to call you the other day…" But you were with Anne. "But I got the machine. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something."

I hold my breath and wait for him to say something. Do you have any idea how hard this is for me? I close my eyes to keep the hot tears from falling. I have to tell him about Finn. Even if he never tells me about Anne. I clear my throat and force myself to continue. "It's - uh…"

"Joey?"

My hands brush away the wetness on my face as I look up to see Finn at the door, holding a box of pizza and looking worried. I shake my head and look away, and I hear him close the door quietly.

"Who's that?" Pacey's voice sounds tight with controlled anger. I move the phone's mouthpiece up and away from my lips for a few seconds and take deep breaths to stop the quaking in my chest.

"Finn. I was just about to tell you that -"

"I see."

"Wait a minute." He can't punish me for this. Not when I haven't heard a word from him about who he's working with these days. "I was going to tell you about it, Pacey."

"Right. After - what is it now, Jo? A month? A month and a half that you've been there? What, you just happened to run into each other in Madrid?" The accusation in his voice hits me like physical blows, fueling my own anger.

"Stop it. Amanda asked Finn to help with the exhibit, too, Pacey. He's an intern, just like me."

"How convenient. And here I was, actually believing that you were being so quiet because you were busy working."

My chest hurts so much now, I feel like I'm going to die. "Oh, and I'm supposed to believe that you're miserable working with the woman you moved in with? I mean, God, Pacey," I hear him saying something, but I go on anyway, knowing that if I stop now, I would just end up letting him hear me cry. "I was wrong not to tell you that Finn was here, but - " I can't control it anymore. The lump in my throat makes it painful to speak. "Know what? Forget this. I can't even talk to you right now. I have to go."

I put the phone down before I totally lose control and break down, the sobs making my shoulders shake violently and my chest heave painfully. How could this happen to us? I thought that we were immune to anything bad that could ever happen, after everything we've been through together. How could I love someone so much and be so mad at him at the same time?

How could he still love me if he hates me so much?