Joey's Diary, Entry Four
He left. I expected him to still be there when I turned around, but he left.
My worst fear had been founded. Dawson found out about me and Pacey, and in
the worst possible way. I can't believe Jen told him!! Of course, I can't
blame her, because she thought Dawson knew, and he should've. But he didn't.
And he didn't take it well. Let's just say that is was the worst case
scenario.
When he found out, he placed all the blame on Pacey, and then continued to
accuse him of only using me for sex. He then gave me the ultimatum of a
lifetime. He was making me choose between my friendship with him, and my
relationship with Pacey. To make a long story short, I chose the former. I
don't know why, but I did.
Something Dawson said really hit hard. He said that I couldn't have Pacey as
my boyfriend, and him as my consolation prize. Do I really treat Dawson like
a consolation prize?? And then he said that if I chose Pacey, he wouldn't be
there to pick up the pieces when it all fell apart. He said it as though our
relationship was doomed from the beginning, like it was destined to fail. It
then brought me back to my previous insecurity, that I'd be risking
everything that mattered to me, for something that might not work. After
having my yelling contest with Dawson, I went to the only place I knew Pacey
would be.
At the dock, with "True Love." We briefly talked about her, but I think the
subtext we were talking about was really us. Our relationship. I remember
every word that we said during that conversation. He said it was over, wasn't
it. I told him it had to be. Then he asked me to leave first this time. Last
time, at Aunt Gwen's, he left first and I pulled him back, which brought us
into this mess in the first place, so I understood what he meant.
When I walked away, I turned around and expected him to still be sitting
there, waiting. But he wasn't. He had left, before I was able to look back. I
wish he had still been there, but maybe it would've been to painful, for both
of us.
Entry Five
