Joey's Diary, Entry Three
This past week has been the best week of my life. And the worst.
Pacey and I have been sneaking around ever since we got back from Aunt
Gwen's. I haven't felt so good and bad at the same time. I can't help but
feel like I'm betraying everyone. That's probably because I am. I don't know
how I'm supposed to deal with this. I mean one second I'm the happiest I
could be, and then the next, I feel so guilty. I know above all things, the
first thing I should do is tell Dawson. Pacey and I have talked about it
plenty of times, I just don't know how to tell him.
Dawson has been my world for so long, and it took me forever to find that
place where he ended and I began, so this is so hard for me. He's been the
family to me, that I've needed. He was there for everything. I know that
if/when I do tell him, he's going to get hurt. And if I don't tell him,
Pacey's going to get hurt.
Sometimes I wonder, what am I doing this for?? Why am I risking everything
that means something to me, for something that may or may not work? Dawson is
just being so great with both of us too. It'd be different if Dawson were
being an ass, and then I wouldn't feel so bad, but he's being the perfect
friend. He's helping Pacey with the christening of "True Love," and he's
trying really hard to regain my friendship back.
After all the pain I've caused Dawson within the past 2 years, the last thing
I want to do is hurt him. In either story line, someone's going to suffer. I
was asking myself earlier, why I'm risking everything to be with Pacey. I
don't know why yet. But something is telling me to hold on, and not let go.
And, truthfully, I don't want to let go.
Entry Four
