The rigors involved with hosting a show as successful as Jeopardy are many. The fans, the contestants, not to mention that damn Sean Connery. The Penis Mightier? I mean, come on!!!
Alas, it finally proved to be too much for Alex, and in a fit of desperation he shaved off his precious mustache. Unfortunately, his bushy facial hair was in truth a mystical talisman that had been warding off Wilford Brimley's oat powers. Mr. Brimley wasted no time, and before you could say Coccoon, he had converted Trebek from the host of a nationally syndicated game show, and into his second in command in the war against italian sandwhich derivatives.
His first act in the order was to plant subliminal messages in all of the Hooked On Phonics tapes. While kids are learning the intriciacies of "ph" and "ch", and let's not forget the mighty "schwa", they're also being told secretly that pizza is evil, and if they don't eat oats their parents will tell god to send them all to hell.
Not content to rest on his laurels, Trebek is hard at work on instituting his latest plan. Soon, every question to every answer on Jeopardy will be "oats." I'm telling you, people. With a diabolical mind like this at work for them, we need to double our efforts to preserve the sailvary heaven that is pizza!
