You may have heard that ALF stands for Alien Life Form. This is actually an urban legend. In truth, ALF means Aliens Love Frickin' pizza. True, it's incorrect grammar. But you must remember that ALF is from Melmac, where English is not their native language.
ALF was quite the celebrity in the late 80's and early 90's. He had a hit sitcom on NBC, two cartoons (also on NBC), plush toys...even his own line of comic books. Sadly, like most celebrities, ALF was drawn into the seedy world of oat snorting. That massive schnoz of his allowed him to ingest twice as much of the wheatie powder as the average human. And while his alien physiology compensated for this somewhat, it wasn't long before he was showing up for tapings of his show with oat hang overs, reeking of grains.
Eventually, inevitably...the ALF craze died down. Without the money, the fame, and esecially the fast women, ALF was left to contemplate his fate and come to grips with his addiction. It was then that I met him. I had been looking around my grocer's freezer for some Cherry Garcia when I accidentally bumped into the furry former network star. We hit it off immediately, and it wasn't long before we were tossing back a few at a local bar, sharing our stories about the dangers of oats.
Maybe it was the liquor, or maybe it was the fact that he was feenin' for some oats, but it was then that ALF swore allegiance to my cause, and vowed that he would use every last ounce of his strength to help me find my pizza and the people responsible for abducting it.
At first, our efforts were low-key. We began by issuing a set of POG's with ALF on them. This was meant to revive the public's affection for the hirsute Melmacian, and assist in his return to the spotlight. Recently though, ALF has begun appearing in ads for 10-10-220 with various other washed up has-beens. Through the use of space-age Melmacian technology, ALF has encrypted each commercial with secret messages urging people to go get a pizza and a cat. The pizza is for them, the cat is for ALF. I'm still not sure what he wants with them, but the way he licks his lips when he talks about it has me wondering.
But this is of minor importance. What is of absolute fucking importance is that you use 10-10-220 and eat more pizza.
