Fate, however, had a different course of events in mind...
Two hours later and still no pizza. Three hours. Then four. I tried calling the pizza place to see where the deliveryman was, but by then they were closed. I was infuriated. Two stolen pizzas and a no-show. What the hell was going on? What had I done to deserve so much pizza pain? It was difficult to stop playing Mortal Kombat, but I had to find the truth about my pizza, so I went downstairs to ask my mother what the hell was going on. My parents were asleep, but I saw my sister in the kitchen and tried to get the scoop from her. Between mouthfuls of left over pizza she told me that she had no idea what I was talking about. The box on the table was from the same place I had ordered my pizza, and the toppings on the left over slice matched my order exactly. Could it be that my own family had turned against me? And if so, why?
That's when it hit me. A commercial on the tv was advertising good ol' Quaker Oats. Hot and tasty. Then Wilford Brimley appeared on screen, looking all family-friendly and shit. That's when I knew the cheese-curdling truth. Wilford Brimley had stolen my pizzas! It couldn't have been more clear. This harmless looking, doddering old fool was in reality the leader of a terrorist cult devoted to stealing my pizzas.
It was at that point that I swore that I would get Wilford Brimley, and his oats. I'd make them pay...