Title: Missed
Author: Pita Patter
Category: Drama, Romance, First Times, Episode-related, AU
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A different take at the end of Victoria’s Secret.
Notes: This story emerged from a discussion about DS villains, in Two Axes. Thanks to this wonderful list that keeps inspiring me and other authors with its discussions.
Missed
He
missed.
He
missed the shot and the train sped away in the night, taking away Victoria and
Benny. He was left alone in the platform, Welsh, Huey and Louis right behind
him. Welsh was shouting something he could not hear past the rush of blood in
his ears.
Benny
had left him to take the fall.
Ray
began to run, run as fast as he could, jumping through the platforms, and then
towards the train. His mind was running faster than the train, faster than his
legs, faster than his racing heart. *Please Benny, please Benny*.
Instead of feeling hot as he ran, Ray felt cold, the freezing Chicago wind
tearing his skin, as if there was snow falling, ice penetrating his faces,
threatening to tear his nose apart. He’d have welcomed a blizzard, one that
would instantly bury him so he wouldn’t have to face what would happen next.
Needless
to say, he didn’t catch the train. The convoy finally disappeared in the
night, its lights fading away. Ray stopped running and stood there, panting,
his mind numb for a minute, and he felt a pat on his shoulder and heard Welsh’s
voice, “Let’s go, Vecchio.”
Famous
last words.
* *
*
Ray
was taken into custody and he passed through his ordeal as if it wasn’t
real. His family would lose the house, he was about to be thrown in jail and
his life was basically over. But what hurt him the most was that Benny was the
one who had done it to him. The only person Ray had trusted with his eyes
closed, the last one Ray’s ever think would do such a thing to him had
betrayed his faith and kicked him in the groin when he was down. His best
friend, someone whom he had feelings, had run off with a bitch and ruined his
life.
Huey
looked at him and sighed, “Ray, you need a lawyer. Even if you don’t want
one, you have to say you don’t want one.”
Ray
shrugged. He really didn’t care so much about himself. But how could he lose
his family’s home? It was the only thing his father had left, the only
comfort and guarantee his mother had for her old age, and the only roof for
his sisters, nieces and nephews. Who’d be taking care of them while he was
in jail? His mind was filled with images of the whole Vecchio clan dressed in
shoddy clothes, trembling in the street on a rainy day.
Suddenly,
he asked Huey, “Would you please take care of Diefenbaker?”
“Ray,
please,” said the detective. “Welsh is about to come, and he’s gonna
bring the IA people. You know what that means.”
Ray
looked at the double-faced mirror, guessing that maybe Welsh was on the other
side. The IA people probably were there, too. The vultures didn’t lose time
to gather for the feast, waiting for the last minute of his downfall.
So,
let the games begin.
“I’m
not so sure I’ll want a lawyer.”
“Ray,
the charges against you and your Miranda rights were explained to you. You
said you understood them. Do you waive the right to an attorney?”
Ray
opened his mouth to answer, but he never did. Welsh stormed in, “Damn you,
Vecchio. Why didn’t you tell us the Mountie went there to arrest the woman?”
Ray’s
eyes went wide. His heart raced.
“We’re
picking them up at the nearest train station. Let’s go.”
In a
little more than an hour, they were on a small train station. Benny was
waiting for them, a police officer helping him taking care of a seething
Victoria cuffed by their side.
Welsh
told the uniforms who had followed them, “Take her in and book her.”
As she
was taken, her eyes shot daggers at Ray, and he could just feel the hatred
towards him. Benny apologised, “I should have told you the plan sooner, Ray,
but I would lose the chance to arrest her if I didn’t jump in the train.”
“It’s
OK, pal,” said Ray, his voice slightly pitched. “I knew you would see this
through.”
All
the way back to Chicago, Ray didn’t say another word, and Welsh made
conversation to Benny. Ray was feeling a mix of relief, guilt and emotional
exhaustion. How could he face Benny after all he thought about his friend?
Benny’s silence didn’t help either.
Welsh
felt the tension between the partners and as soon as they reached the precinct,
he ordered, “Vecchio, you look like crap. Go home. You too, Constable. You
can work on the report tomorrow. In the afternoon.”
“Thank
you, Lieu”. Welsh nodded, and went inside the building.
Both
men stood uncomfortably in the parking lot, and the black and blue with
Victoria pulled in. Ray and Benny watched as she paraded in front of them
defiantly, her chin up, her hair cascading, as beautiful as ever. Yes, she was
a pretty woman, thought Ray. No wonder Benny fell for her. So why did he
arrest her?
“You
wanna a ride home?”
Benny
blushed. “Maybe we should go to your house, Ray. It needs… cleaning.
Extensive cleaning.”
“You
can crash there, then.” Ray gestured, indicating where the Riv was parked.
“But no cleaning until tomorrow.”
“Ray,
you’ll find that it’s better to start as soon as we get there.”
They
got inside the Riv and Benny stammered, “I- I vandalised your house.,”
Ray
nodded and drove out of the parking lot. The Riv glided through the busy
Chicago streets. “I know. I’ve been there.”
“I
was going with her.” It was nothing more than a whisper.
Ray
blanched and stayed in silence, trying to pay attention to the traffic.
“Through
a window, she saw you running in the platform towards the train. She saw your
face. She laughed at you. She laughed at your despair. At your suffering, Ray.
She mocked your misery. It made me feel so bad, and I began to see her in a
different light. Maybe in her real light.”
“Look,
Benny, you don’t have to – “
“I
understand it if you don’t want to see me again. You must be mad at me right
now, or resentful that I almost jumped bail on you. But I… I saw she
laughing at you and it almost made me sick. I realised at that precise moment
what she was and what I was doing to you. And I realised what I felt for her…
and for you.”
Ray
tensed. “I don’t need your pity, thank you.”
“I
didn’t arrest her out of pity for you, Ray. I realised that I had been
manipulated and that I didn’t love her. And I also realised all the things
that I would be doing to you, the betrayal. All the things were written on
your face as you ran in that platform. She saw them and she laughed at you, at
what she was doing to you, to us. She was laughing at your feelings. I couldn’t
stand it. I couldn’t let it happen.”
Ray
pulled the Riv at his house’s parkway and killed the engine off. Neither man
moved to get out of the car. Neither man looked at each other. They just
stayed inside the Riv: Ray staring outside, Benny staring at his lap, each
looking at his own thoughts.
“I
couldn’t stand it because I love you, Ray,” said Benny, quietly. “I know
it’s the last thing you want to hear now and that you don’t feel the same
way. You must have felt I abandoned you when you most needed me, and when the
train left the platform I can’t even imagine what you must have – “
“I
almost got booked, Benny.”
Guilt
pierced like a spear in Benny’s chest. “I’m sorry, Ray,”
“My
family almost lost the house my father left me.”
“I’m
– “
“I
was almost framed for murder and accessory to bank robbing.”
“Ray,
I – “
“I
almost hated you, Benny. And that would have been the worst part of it all.”
Finally
Ray looked at Benny, his eyes all misty and huge, “Because you’re the best
friend I have ever had and because I think I’m in love with you.”
Benny’s
eyes were also filled with water, but Ray suddenly said, “So you mind if we
talk inside? It’s getting cold in here.”
“No,
I don’t mind.”
They
went inside the house that had been trashed by Benny when he had tried to find
the key to the locker when Victoria had blackmailed him. It hurt him to see
what he had done, the shame eating his guts.
Ray
noticed the pained looked in his eyes. “Benny, we work this out together.”
He wasn’t sure if he was talking about the house or the two of them.
“I…
this is all my fault, Ray. I can hardly look at the damage I’ve done to your
house without being reminded of all the damage I’ve done to your life. And
that letter I left you…”
“Stop
beating yourself about this, and let’s not talk about that letter. Let’s
move on and deal with the knowledge that we’re not perfect. We can survive
this. We can survive her.”
Benny
looked at him. “How can you even talk to me after all I’ve done to you?”
“You
didn’t do anything. You almost did. You came back. I forgive you.”
“Why?
How can you?”
“I’m
not saying it didn’t hurt like hell.” Ray came closer. “But I think I’m
in love with you. Love forgives, and I have already forgiven you.”
They
were close, very close. Ray whispered, “I want to kiss you, Benny. May I?”
“I’d
like that very much, Ray.”
Their
lips met shyly, as many first kisses are. Ray put a finger on Benny’s chin
to guide him and suddenly assaulted him in a fierce, possessive kiss, his arms
going around the Mountie and pulling him closer. Benny responded eagerly and
they didn’t let go of each other, stumbling to the couch on the Vecchio’s
living room.
When
their lips parted, both were panting. Ray whispered, “Oh, God. I never
thought it would be so… so good… Just a kiss.”
Benny
backed up a little, Ray’s arms on his waist. He traced a finger on Ray’s
lower lip. “Oh, Ray.” He threw himself on Ray’s arms again, his voice
faltering. “I love you so much. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
Ray
stood up and took Benny by the hand. “Come with me.” He led him up stairs,
both of them avoiding the results of the destruction Benny had made prompted
by Victoria’s threats.
They
went inside Ray’s bedroom, and they kept the lights turned off. The
streetlamps provided the light they needed. Benny turned to Ray and said, “Ray,
are you sure of this?”
“Benny,
you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If you feel it’s too
soon, or if you have any doubt, it’s OK. Because all I want right now is you
by my side. I need to feel you beside my. I need to touch you.”
Benny’s
heart clenched at these words. His eyes filled with tears and he held on to
Ray, burying his head on Ray’s chest, shaking, his voice muffled, “Oh,
Ray, I don’t deserve you…!”
Ray felt tears on his own rising. “We can work this out together, Benny. Together. Just don’t leave me, all right?”
Benny
raised his head and looked deep in the jade eyes before solemnly vowing, “No,
Ray. Never.”
“Do
you really love me, Benny?”
“I
know I’m not worthy, Ray, but I love you, Ray, yes, I do.”
A
pause.
“I
never thought I’d hear you say those words, Benny,” Ray’s voice faltered
a little. A tear fell down Ray’s face. “Specially after I saw you with…
you know, with *her*. You looked so happy. I knew she was bad news, but
you seemed to like her, so I figured I’d have to get along with her, too. So
I took her in, protected her, and all. More than that, I’d have to bury all
my feelings for you forever, and go through life knowing you’d never love me
back. I’d go through life alone.”
“I
was afraid to be alone. I thought she was my only chance, Ray.”
“When
you left on that train, Benny, it hurt. I saw a gun in her hand, I thought she
was going to shoot you, and I shot her, but I missed. And she didn’t shoot
you.” His voice cracked and he wept, “You had just left me, and for a
moment, I just wanted to kill you, but I was already dead, Benny. Dead inside.”
“Oh,
Ray…”
Ray
caressed his wet face with the back of his elegant hand. “I am not saying
this to make you feel guilty. I am telling you just to let you know why I need
to hold you tonight. I want to sleep with you by my side. We can just sleep,
if you don’t feel you can handle anything else.”
Benny
had his head cast downwards and nodded, his muscles aching, his body
complaining. Both men were at the limit of their physical resistance.
They
parted so Ray could settle the bed ready for their night of rest. When all was
set, they undressed to their T-shirts and boxers (or briefs, in Ray’s case),
and settled under covers. Then Ray spooned himself on Benny’s back sneaked
his arm around his waist.
The
sensation was unlike any Benny had in his life. He couldn’t help the
comparison. Her body was smooth and soft, cozy and pliable. Ray’s body was
muscular and lean, strong and dependable. This was the body of a man that
loved him and trusted in him no matter what, through thick and thin.
Ray
sighed and kissed his shoulder, whispering, “Good night, Benny.”
Ray
never expected Benny to turn around and almost roll him over with a long,
possessive kiss, one that threatened to dislocate his tonsils and left him
breathless, flat on his back. He spread out Ray’s arms and took his wrist,
immobilizing him. When they surfaced for air, both were panting. Ray could
feel Benny’s erection poking him in the thigh.
“Benny…”
”Yes,
Ray?”
“Have
you something in your boxers or are you happy to see me?”
“I’m
happy to see you, Ray, but if you’re not happy to see me, I’m sure I can…
arrange things to take carmphmm” His lips were covered and possessed by a
hungry man who fumbled the waistband of his shorts and tried to shed them out.
They
had to break apart to get each other naked, and then they were at it again.
Benny rolled them over gently once more, and Ray was on top, settled between
Benny’s pale thighs, their erections meeting, causing gasps from Benny. The
sensations were just too much for each eager man to hold on and it only took a
few movements for both of them to climax and cling to each other as they
really wanted to: totally, completely, fully.
Ray
took his t-shirt and cleaned them rapidly, then snuggled with Benny, holding
him tightly, making sure he was there, and he was with him. Benny felt Ray’s
body close to him, and it felt familiar, as if he had known him through many
lifetimes. Their wound was fresh and open, and it hurt like hell, but they had
each other now, and plenty of healing to do.
In the
morning, they had plenty of things to do: they had some objects to mend,
others to get cleaned, to put away, some to straighten out.
In the
morning, they would start to pick up the pieces.
The
End
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