| Top Dog-Well who can forget the approach for the children of this country? I mean I know I discussed the whole things that represent teenagers as a whole but how about the little hell-raisers who nowadays take up space at your local McDonalds crying and making more noise than an 80's bodycount action flick? Top Dog represents a key advertisement in that it is a violent Chuck Norris movie but it is rated PG-13 for the little kiddies, I mean we all know that children are very bright and indeed will occupy the future well past our time but what better way to show them the true meaning of adult hood by watering down violence but still keeping the racism and mean spirited vibe from an R rated thriller? I mean we know our kids are viscous little demons, so why not inspire them to shoot other children in their schools. I don't know about you but I look forward to another Columbine shooting, and clearly this is the only way to reach our kids and finally convince them that yes it is okay to target minorites and the popular kids (Remember Top Dog didn't do well at the box office either?) because Chuck Norris did it in Invasion USA, Missing In Action and Delta Force, where negoitating with scum was just beneath him. I also can't think of a better lesson to teach our youth, that it is perfectly okay to kill people as long as if you have a funny dog with you! That right there should give blind picked on kids the excuse to shoot up their schools, Blind fury indeed! American Ninja 3:Blood Hunt-This of course right here shows that in order to be American in this country, at least to be considered an American Ninja, American Samurai, American Kickboxer and American Shaolin, one must be white! Michael Dudikoff dropped out of this sequel for reasons that are best left not thought about (He tried to pursue serious and more mature roles, oh boy...) however instead of promoting Steve James the big buff black dude who ruled in American Ninja 1 and American Ninja 2, they instead gave it to whitebread hunk David Bradley. I personally can't think of a movie that inspires the true American idealist view other then this, when one thinks American and one also thinks someone who is a good fighter, one must always assume that they are refering to a white guy. I mean despite the fact that the best fighters in the world, Mohammed Ali, Bruce Lee, Sugar Ray Leonard, George Foreman and Don "The Dragon" Wilson were indeed minorites, it only goes to show that America must have the need to see someone who is white and who basically tells the big buff black man what to do. Besides what is better than Americanizing something Asian like Ninjitsu anyway? Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2-What can be more American then the advertising of Christmas? For those who don't know, the first one in this mindless series got picketed(My mom included) because of it's depiction of Santa Claus as a slasher. However what captures the true meaning of Christmas more then a sequel that exploits the worhless publicity? In it we have the butchering of nuns that don't bleed, the shooting of priests dressed as santa and tons of flashbacks to the original movie to make you realize that you are watching a 40 minute movie with the rest of the running time consisted of flashbacks from the original. I think it represents how most cynical Americans look at Christmas, for me it is a time where I must shell out moola to get gifts for family who then in return give me gifts that satisfies neither, only reason one does it in the first place because one is nostalgic about how at one time you actually got something you wanted. Also of note is the war on Christmas which this movie predicted years ago, seems that Santa kills a nun which is of course the right wing view that Happy Holidays is an attack on the religious symbolism. I mean what do nuns represent, other then cellebate and mean spirited women who take delight in spanking and looking down on us sinners (Okay maybe they did get something right.) Somehow this movie predicted that Christmas is a holiday of marketing, scrooges and endless bickering of politcs over displays of Jesus in public parks to replacing Merry Christmas to Happy Holidays. Some may argue that the true meaning of Christmas is love and humanity but after watching Bill O'Reilly's war on X-mas campain, one only realized that it is this movie that truly captures the spirit of Christmas. House Of Wax(2005)-What can be said about a movie that takes one of the best horror movies from the 50's, strips it of it's atmosphere, adds a Rock and Roll soundtrack (It's still rock and roll to me, as long as it's fast, stupid and unintelligable!) Paris Hilton and lots of pointless violence? Well you get a souped up classic stripped of it's imagination and then replaced by a one by one slaughterhouse that features a true product for it's empty headed teenage crowd. Also what is more American then refusing to learn and watch anything that predates your birth, or a movie that doesn't have MTV style cuts and low attention spanned plot. Plus what makes it more apparent over how representive it is, is the need to see the wealthy or attractive somehow cut up beyond recognition. From Paris Hilton's death (If only it was a snuff film, then this would be a four star movie) to the undistinguished slasher roots, few movies capitalize the need to customize and basically provide an assembly line product quite like this remake. Plus the original had Vincent Price and Charles Bronson, we all know that they will never be the celebrities that Paris Hilton and Brian Van Holt are. |