They Might Be Giants: Rants



Pervious 11/11/2001 - Large Eyes, Small Hands
11/11/2001 - Columbus and Their Electricity

Linnell? Immortal? - November 13, 2001

Oh, donít look at me that way. It makes sense, it really does! See, I was zoning in my U.S. History AP class (a.k.a. - Class of Mind Numbing Induced Death) and as my teacher droned on with her monotone voice and fixated smile, I realized something: Linnell is an immortal! Now, there are two ways to look at this. One is:

He has actually been live for a long time now. Exhibit A: John Sidney Linnell, English romantic painter back in the 1800s. Exhibit B: John Sidney Linnell, talented musician in the new millennium. Coincidence, fate, or just really freaky parents? I donít think so. Okay, so maybe the freaky parents thing is possible, but... uh... Forget that! Theyíre the same person, I tell you! The same person! And thatís why it seems like Linnell can just pick up any instrument and it play it. Heís had years to master every musical instruments every made. And Flansburgh knows all about this, you see, and helps protect him from all those other, evil immortals that want to chop off his head by making up that childhood friend story! Yes, thatís exactly it!

Or, or, or! Or it could be heís a new immortal, possibly from that bike accident in the 80s. It was much worse then just breaking his hand, he actually died. Or, or maybe that time he collapsed during a concert in Florida, it wasnít heat stroke! It was a freaky, I donít know, heart... thing and he died then. And now heís being stalked by other immortals Ďcause heís denying the truth. The ugly, horrifying truth that he will live on forever, forced to live only half a life as he tries to dodge detection!

...Okay, maybe not. Maybe this has all just been the delusional ravings of a half brain dead They Might Be Giants fan. But, damnit, it sounded good at the time.

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