One of my hobbies is going into the music shops in Frankfurt
and stare at the girls there.... No, just kidding! I just like listening to
music for free. Most of the listening stations are too loud (I regularly walk
half deaf out of WOM), but sometimes I manage to listen to a CD IN ITS
ENTIRETY...
I am often surprised what effect some CDs have on me despite the uncomfortable
conditions (a shop, you know: noise, hectic, these assholes at the bar...). (I remember I virtually broke down during "Free
As A Bird". I actually became a Yes fan this way. Heard
"Owner..." and thought: "must buy!" Another thing is
"Machine Messiah" by Yes: I was halfway bored through the first five
minutes and then: BAAANNNNG! It hit me like a gong!)
Needless to say some CDs make a totally wrong impression that way...
Yeah, I'm one of the guys who hangs around for hours at the headphones. And I
don't even bother to touch the forward button, although there are plenty of
angry clients right behind me... that's how I actually came to the idea of
making a few notes I can share with you. And - I guess that goes without
saying - these are just minor impressions; if I possessed some of the records
here, I would probably change my mind dramatically.
The CDs I take to the listening station are mostly new ones I'm curious about for some reason.
Die Happy
Beautiful Morning (2002, 48 min)
That one actually sports a nice cover. These young people look so self-assured and progressive (not in the musical sense, mind you). The singerine looks as if she's just pulled her head out of her ass, and the other two or three guys stare at the walls, waiting for the shot being commenced...
And right in the first track ("Paralyzed") they greet us with their loud, really heavy guitars. Sadly they play them so sterile, that it makes me wanna yearn for Rammstein. Anyway they have a ballsy enough approach. The singerine too! Ever heard of the Guano Apes? Yeah, I know the comparison is passé, but it's simply inevitable. "So tell me how it feels...", she sings with that ugly and thin voice of hers. It's terrible.
Next track. More dumb riffs, and next to no drums at all. There's a diffuse drum noise there, but man, that's no drum sound? What hellish crap!
Then "Not that kind of girl". Yeah, I understand she's not that kind of girl, because despite of looking quite fuckable, she has a bad voice. And her melodies are crap too! That kind of cheeseball random melody for those by-the-book idiotic rockers that sound all the same.
"Goodbye", "Human Being"...more of the same, whoopee! Wish I had a small sister to throw her CD outa the window... God, is this cheap and predictable! Why do they sell that?
Aha, track 5 is a soft one. But still unbelievably cheap and even worse - boring!
A more down-to-earth affair is "Sleeping time". Actually this is the first riff on this goddamn CD that I'm somewhat delighted about. It's a cock-rock riff!! I could never get enough of this. But at this point the album has become all too samey for me...
"Leaving You" is again nothing new, with yet more dumb riffs that bore me to death, and that boring melody AGAIN!!! Can't they write a bit more diverse goddammit?! Someday I'll have to listen to such crap from our opening acts!
"I remember" is such a silly ballad, that I don't remember about it anyway. You know what? If I hadn't started making notes about this lousy CD, I would have rejected it AT ONCE. But here - I pretend to be an eclecticist or whatever, so shite, I have to go through it. I must be tolerant for god's sake!
So here ya go momma: track 9 is some cheap pop shit. Yeah, this is why that cunt pretends to be so famous! Guess her tongue is like that of an old cow. Her thin voice is absolute crap, so there must be something in my obscene words! (sorry for that btw.) "Adam's Eyes" has some slight hints it could be done by humans, but it's destroyed by the utter Apes-deriaviveness of the vocalese after it.
Okay, these choir intros near the end are at least interesting. Must give her that. And surprise, surprise, the last track "Breathing" is an acoustic ballad. Wow! And guess what it sounds like? Like "Breathe"(!), that sappy song from 1995, remember that? Ah, and now that it's acoustic, that shitty voice is even more bland. So sad, so sad... I can't even claim she sings with passion. All she ever does is a pathetic put-on. A hard pressing down the ass to achieve that effect of the other German crossover act.
Oh, my word, they're from Germany! The linear notes are in German! So it
won't sell in GB?! That means at least those bollocks of guitarists won't spoil
the worthy reputation of the good old robotic German guitar players?...
Shit! Where is the Scorpions CD once again...
Supertramp-
Slow Motion (2002, 50 min)
Just a note to Supertramp fanatics: this is the first Supertramp CD I have ever listened to (bar those Wingsy hits that annoy the crap out of Scooter). So either shut up, or leave the page. That goes for the whole site in general...
"Slow Motion" That electric piano hahaha! And that voice...oh, well! Sounds like Supertramp! In slow motion!!! Man, you gotta look up that your tea doesn't get cold. That's usually the case with such numbers. But it's at least ...uhm, nice.
"Little By Little" Ugh! This is faceless restaurant music with exactly the same vocal.
"Broken Hearted" Gimme blood! Aw man, I think to review these old farts track-by track is no good idea... but let's just carry on! Everybody's allowed to do some crap by the third track, ain't it so? Anyway, that electric piano is cool, but simply not enuff! And that's too slow, old men!
"Over You" starts off nice, but blues...with that voice... This is tasteless! Dunno if Supertramp are blues legends too or something...in their 50+ career, you never can tell. Oh, I think Roger McGuinn isn't in the line-up at all. That's their Roger Waters kind of guy I guess. Who friggin cares! The sound is familiar...
"Tenth Avenue Breakdown" HEEEYYY! That track has got me! It's overlong, but it's worth it, believe me! There's no real melody, but the mood is immaculate. The vocals and the piano don't let you wish for more, I mean they're really good! And these brass breaks! Coolest brass break I've heard since these early Phil Collins stabs (bad reference I know, but I actually hate brass). Man, I can't believe this: a really cool track on a granddad rock release! I am impressed. Gonna download it...
"A sting in the tail" Okay the record has settled down a bit. After the last track you hardly can bomb it. This is some pretty normal, if a little sterile blues. In fact the whole CD is quite slick and sterile.
"Bee in your bonnet" Ufff! I've sobered again! Yet another bloodless and melodyless blues. There's a funny middle eight with guitars, but no. The record lets me down, sorry.
"Goldrush" Sounds cool, but uninteresting. Who needs that? Supertramp fanatics? Guess that's what Paul McCartney's last CD sounds to non-Beatle-fans...
"Dead Man Blues" Tell me, who am I at all to review some old
daddy's blues? Cool title, but that overlong track is deadly boring. And that
vocal again... It stays the same throughout the whole album! And the
instruments are also mostly all the same, superprofessionally played 'n' stuff
but who cares? Don't we have the young turks of Linkin Park playing some mean
guitars after all? So why do I see "Supertramp - the legend has
returned" on every corner? Because of the 5th track? Maybe. And way too
cool cover for such a (I know you waited for that word) mediocre album.
Whatever I said here ---------- Grab the 5th track!!!
Bobby McFerrin
-
Beyond Words (2002, 60 min)
Someone at Saturn managed to put this in the "novelties" corner right along with Placebo, the Notwist and all those crappy, pretentious bands. hehehe, just wanna annoy you! Erm well... This is actually a hell of a CD! Right from the first seconds I knew, I'm not gonna bash it. It's so nice!
Just look at that cover! Doesn't it wanna wish Bobby was your mentor or something? I was afraid it's gonna be some don't-worry-be-happy sell-out, and maybe it even is, but that record has class either way. I speak of class, momma! Do you hear me, you crappy Die Happy vocalist???
There are 16 (sixteen) tracks here. All of them are so sympathetic, moody and deep, that it would be unjust if I jizz on each one of them. You understand, as I listen to this CD in the shop track after track, I slowly run out of words to describe all the beauty.
Most of my notes go like: "Nice, original, jazzy melody... wonderful voice, although I know it, nice progression, interesting piano melody, jazzy, inoffensive "non modernistic" sonics, a simple pleasure, Wonderesque moods, soothing acoustics, almost classical melody, superprofessional a-capella cool Bobby....
Mmmmhhh, do you get my drift? This is a wonderfully relaxing and diverse record. Speak of diverse! And idiosyncratic! There is no other CD out there that sounds anywhere the same as this. Unbelievable. If I had any money I would have bought it.
Ha! Just check the last two tracks! Nr 15 goes "Ulleee, Ulleee" like some African chant (but with class again...) And the last one is something new altogether: dark, deep voices, which wonderfully enough create an optimistic mood.
'Nuff said! Buy it, or at least take a listen!
Silverchair - Diorama (2002, 60 min)
This CD looks like a post-progressive release. I mean, there are rainbow
colours on it, which reminds me of Marillion. And of Rainbow themselves of
course. I keep reading everywhere that "Diorama" should be
Silverchair's opus magnum and all that kind of stuff that only makes me
sceptical. I saw that video of "The greatest view" one night and it
was impressive.
But I am really excited to hear that old-fashioned-looking cd that doesn't
feature any face. And Silverchair are younger than I am.
The opener "Across the night" sets a very overbearing tone, and what could be better than that? It's an interesting song with lots of weird time signatures and also the melody is no cheesball occasion. An orchestra blows around as if it was all so very important. And dark. Silverchair are there, I guess. Let them stay...
"The greatest view" - Yes, the song from the video. That Daniel Bottrill guy looks a little too good to be taken seriously musically. He plays a good guitar riff, although it's not terribly catchy. The melody is very screwed up, but still it all sounds like rewritten for the 100th time already. Apparently Silverchair have sold their souls to today's musical darkness, which is a shame. I'd be glad to hear that on the radio though, because it's got a very romantic refrain.
"Without you" More depressing guitars and tricky signatures mixed with a blunt melody. It's not the stuff I'd jump for and I wouldn't listen to it again.
"World upon your shoulders" Here it becomes clear that Daniel Bottrill is not such a good songwriter as it seemed upon the first two tracks. Oh well. And his vocal is not any kind of strong. He's a whiner! Don't we have enough whiners around these days? Do chicks dig that or what? What is so appealing in such an un-masculine falsetto? Gah, this is basically the same as track 2, just slowe and less accessible. There are attempts to make it good, but that guitar-nothingness really bugs me.
"One way mule" My god, this is Heavy Metal! But very slow and boring metal. The vocal reminds me of Nirvana a little. Which means it's a good vocal! But a bad song.
"Tuna in the brine" Lush and overblown like its title this track doesn't go anywhere. It is again very serious and coupled with Bottrill's puppy songriting abilities and harmonical oddities it's just pathetic and ridiculous. It is attention-seeking though, which is a good thng.
"Too much of not enough" Good title! And waht boring crap! This is absolutely superfluous if you ask me: bland acoustl strumming with the dullest grunge-chorus and all kinds of annoying guitars flying around boring me to death...
"Luv your life" This is unbelievable, because I can hear a melody! Wow, a melody! Sadly itÄs no good melody. It's just another anthemic retro-ballad. And that emotional singing is FAKE!
"The lever" Generic mid-tempo heavy metal and a song that the late Dave Mustaine could have written more lively and excitin in his sleep. Just dumb. I guess this is where Silverchair really come from though...
"My favourite thing" Another totle that provokes the cynical predator in me. In case you ask, Mr. Bottrill is a bad lyricist too. That slow ballad just makes me wanna puke. Pure blandness and that orchestra brings out the worst up the front: the lack of a good melody...
"After all these years" What sounds like yet another clumsy
ballad, appears to have a face for a change. It sounds still extremely forced,
as if Dan was tryng everything possible to end the album on a good note. I sat
that through because Daniel is a strangely menaced personality, with not enough
classical education resulting in a fatally flawed harmonic understanding. I
kinda sympathise with that. I'll be ready to listen up when he hits them
strings the next time. And kicks the other strings out!
Right Said Fred - Stand up (2002, 50 min)
Contrary to all the artists here, Im quite familiar with Right Said Fred.
That means, I know their 1992 debut "up", which I consider one of the
pop-milestones of the 90es. I don't know what happened to the Fairbrass
brothers ever since then. It was good to see them back last year with
"You're my mate", which was even more dumb than "I'm too
sexy". But I admire people who play the fool and make decent money
at that. That said I was kinda hopeful to lend an ear to "Stand up"
The cover shows them in a very optimistic mood. So optimistic in fact, that
they're pictured with guitars and Richard even plays the McCartney bass!
"Stand up" The single. It is again dumb. And what's the deal? A tribute to Queen? And what awful production. Everything is programmed and processed. Fred always cares to show up with a guitar, but where is it? That chorus is not only dumb, but also cheap, for god's sake! I thought Fred and Richard were intelligent guys. But instead of playing the fool, they're trying to fool me!
"Bombay Moon" Cheap and corny. No class.
"I love you but I don't like you" A bit like "You're my mate". Who needs that? It's too stupid for anybody here...
"Something in your eyes" Sort of hopeful attempt to write a quality-ballad (and remember that ten years ago RSF managed to do it!). Sadly it just shows that the Fairbrass brothers have lost all kind of fantasy and musicality.
"Jesus is a clubber" - The best song so far, only because it has some not-so-obvious dance-chords in its chorus. Still bad...
"Summertime fools" A dance single for the masses. Go for it, if you dig that stuff. It's got a good synth.
"Popsong" I'm getting sentimental again because here Rich and Fred try to catch up with their glorious past. Imagine my horror to find out that it's yet another ultra-dumb dance-shite. Even its half-assed self irony wouldn't redeem it.
"Under a Simpson's sky" They're trying to pull off something philosophical here, and it is the first spot where I have the feeling that I'm listening to a genuine RSF record again. It's the most tolerable track so far, but I'm not too excited about it. They end up sonding like a cros between latter-day Yes and latter-day Ringo Starr. Now tell me, who the hell does need that?!
"Fräulein Wunderbar" As far as I know a Wunderbar is a peanut-butter-choc-snack in England. So it might be about an ebony-she-male or what?! By the way, the song has no quality or class whatsoever.
"Jubilee" Thank god, this is a bit more tasteful territory. There are partly interesting harmonies. I wish that was the album opener. Or the last RSF single.
"Night Wish" A lullaby ballad, and not a necessarily bad one. It's kinda redeeming for such an over-dumb album.
Yes, "Stand up" is a very bad piece of plastic, but Richard and
Fred are the same persons I guess. There are some tiny traces of their lost
genius here and there. Very, very tiny ones, and definitely not worth sitting
the album through or something.
Still I hope RSF will return to their former glory some day.
Weezer – Maladroid (2003, 37 min)
American Gigolo – Some sort of twisted track, but there are spots where it manages to get off the ground. The sweetening tools are all too obvious to be really enjoyed.
Dope nose – Some pretty eays harmonies which work well for a 2nd track. The guitars sound the same. The guitar solo is something you gotta hear
Keep fishing - …and keep rocking! Thankfully there’s an odd enough bridge that saves the song from mediocricy.
Take control – There’s a guitar riff that gets you back in the 90es, but the track is forgettable.
Death and destruction – That’s a nice power-ballad, and I wouldn’t remember it if there weren’t those guitars. The solo is first-rate a la Brian May.
Stab – Ah, no. Retro-harmonies and a stupid lyric – “Get yourself a wive, a job…ship!”
Burndt Jamb – A joyous, melancholic marriage between tasty guitar riffs and a sweetened-up vocal-melody. Nice ending too.
Space Rock – Okay, I don’t know how to say it, but these guys really know how to play guitar. Mean, crunchy and catchy. ‘Tis no space-rock though. It’s just good old, twisted Weezer-rock.
Slave – Once again, a good melody. But it sounds as if it was the bridge of another song. That’s because it’s deriavive. Not exactly fresh…
Fall together – A bit heavier on the rhythm side. Nevertheless totally forgettable Queen-rocker with that irresistable Weezer-cheesiness.
Possibilities – Fast, short, and sounding as if someone’s been having a lot of fun. Sadly the listener’s isolated. And it’s strange how they just can’t get it off…
Love Explosion – Yet another childlike melody. I almost began missing that sort of thing on that album. All buried in lots of guitar-noise, you couldn’t tell it apart from the rest of the album.
December – A waltz! Predictably Weezer can only lose with that sort of thing. Not even the marvellous solo can save it.
Island in the sun – A nice song. But you know, somewhat schematic, like most Weezer stuff. A catchy childlike verse tied to a noisy rock-off chorus. It don’t break any new ground, but what do you want…
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