Act 2 Scene 1
Main room of a hut
Enter Kagome from the door
Kagome
Hello? Anyone home? Hmm, I guess they�ve all gone out. I know what, I�ll sit here and wait for their return.
She sits down on a little stool and whips out a mathematics textbook and starts to do calculus and trigonometry.
Suddenly Sango and Miroku enter the scene
Sango
Quit following me around, Monk!
Miroku
In a whining voice
But Sango dear, you haven�t agreed to bear my child!
Sango
I�m not doing it. Not for all the money in the world!
Miroku
All the money in the world is a lot of money you know�
Sango
I mean it! Stay away from me or I�ll bludgeon you with my hiraikotsu.
They walk offstage again but their voices can still be heard.
Miroku�s voice
You don�t have the hiraikotsu anymore; you�re a life insurance salesperson now, remember�
Kagome
Sweatdrop
You know, Piper, someone should really remind Miroku-sama that this is just a play.
Piper
What do you think Sango�s here for?
The sound of Miroku being bludgeoned mercilessly with something very big and very hard is heard
See? Anyways, get on with the show already.
Kagome turns her attention back to the problems. An hour passes.
Piper
Yawns
Where the hell is Shippou?
A knocking is heard on the door
Piper
Ahh, finally.
Voice from behind the door
Little pig, little pig, let me come in.
Kagome stares at Piper in disbelief
Piper
Shrugs
Don�t look at me like that; I had to squeeze him in somehow. He�s a guest star. It�s in the credits.
Voice from behind the door
A little louder this time
Little pig, little pig, let me come in.
Kagome
�����
Piper
Kagome!
Kagome
With a sigh
Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin. Not that I have any hair on my chinny chin chin.
Voice from behind the door
Then I�ll huff and I�ll puff and I�ll blow your house down!
Kagome
Sticks her head out the window.
Umm, Kouga-kun, this isn�t my house you know.
Kouga
Oi, Kagome, how have you been?
Kagome
Fine, just fine. Can you go now? I�m waiting for someone, you know.
Kouga
Frowning
For that dog-turd?
Kagome
No, for Shippou
Kouga
Relieved
Oh, alright then. But just remember Kagome, you�re my woman and I�m not handing you to anyone, especially that dog-turd.
Kouga goes away. Kagome goes back to doing calculus and trigonometry. Another hour passes.
Piper
Where is Shippou?
Kagome
You know, Myouga the Narrator�s missing too.
Piper
Nervously
Oh him, I had to lay him off due to low finances.
The truth is, Piper had been slugging it out with Darkwing in the arcade again.
Could someone go look for the fox?
Kaede enters cradling an unconscious Shippou.
Kaede
I found him hanging upside down from the ceiling of the boys� dressing room. Someone�s tied and gagged him.
Kagome
Gasping and running over to Shippou
Oh dear, who could have done such a terrible thing?
Piper
Umm, Kaede Baa-chan? What were you doing in the boys� dressing room?
Kaede
Totally ignores Piper�s question
What do you plan to do now that Shippou is unfit to play the roles of the seven Shippous?
Piper thinks for a long while before disappearing backstage. She reappears again with Sesshoumaru, Jaken and Kouga.
Piper
Right, here�s the plan. Shippou can still be in the play. We�ll just put him on the bed and he can be Sleepy Shippou. Sesshoumaru, you are Grumpy Shippou, Kouga�s Sneezy Shippou, Jaken is Dopey Shippou and Kaede Baa-chan, you�re the other three Shippous, okay?
Sesshoumaru
Adjusting his sunglasses
Not okay. What makes you think that I, Sesshoumaru, would stoop so low as to play a measly little twerp?
Piper
Well, because a measly little twerp is so unlike you, if you can pull it off well enough you might get an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. You are into acting?
Sesshoumaru
Considers this for a moment
Sounds fair.
Piper
To Jaken
And I can beat you in a fight.
Jaken
Opens his mouth in an attempt to talk but�
Kouga
What about me? I�m not into acting, why should I stoop so low?
Piper
Well, it�ll give you a chance to get close to Kagome.
Kouga
Excitedly
I'll do it!
Kaede
Ahem, and explain why I should do this?
Piper
Thinks very hard
Erm, well �
Kaede
I'll do it!
Kagome
Oh boy, this play is going to be longer than I thought.
Piper
Now that the problem of the seven Shippous have been solved, get into position everyone. When I say �Action� I want you to come through the door in a single file singing �Hi-ho, hi-ho, it�s off to work we�� no, no, no. That won�t do�I know, you sing �Hi-ho, hi-hum, it�s back from work we come.� All right? And then Kagome you�
Sango�s voice from backstage
Lunchbreak!
Everybody trots off to have lunch, including Piper, which is not surprising as there is nothing as glorious as Food, Glorious Food.
Curtains. End of Act 2
Back to Act 1