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| EPISODE ONE: STAFF DEVELOPMENT |
| MR CORNELIUS Mr. Death. Yes, OK�Er, here, drink your tea before it gets colder. He picks the cup up and offers it to the Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper remains still for a second before leaping up and smashing the cup out of his hand. He kicks the table over and brandishes his scythe purposefully. Mr Cornelius falls out of his chair. GRIM REAPER Enough! Come with me, mortal! The place of judgement awaits you! Grim Reaper grabs Mr Cornelius� suit collar and pulls him up. MR CORNELIUS Erm, one thing before we go� GRIM REAPER WHAT?!? MR CORNELIUS Are�you here for the interview? GRIM REAPER (suddenly dropping the serious fa�ade) Yes, yes I am. MR CORNELIUS Would you like to take a seat? GRIM REAPER Yes, certainly. The Grim Reaper sits down with the three other people waiting for the interview. Mr Cornelius sits back at his desk and throws the cup of tea over his head. A different man (Mr Garrett) pokes his head around the door behind Mr Cornelius� desk. He holds a clipboard. MR GARRETT Do we have an Isobel Faaquaa-Quata� A woman sat on one of the seats stands up and corrects Garrett on the pronunciation of the name. WOMAN Er�I�m Isobel Faaquaa-Quataragiushaqueshiatestioperatamisanthropius. Is that who you�re looking for? Mr Garrett looks unsure and has a quick scan through his clipboard. MR GARRETT Close enough. Come on in, please. Cut to the interior office, which has a projection screen at one end. Mr Garrett walks in and sits at his desk, which has a small projecting machine on it. The woman (Isobel) enters. Mr Garrett sits twiddling his thumbs, as Isobel stands around, waiting to be asked to sit down. ISOBEL Aren�t you going to ask me to sit down? MR GARRETT No. But please do. Isobel frowns and takes a seat. Mr Garrett notices her disdain, and laughs. MR GARRETT Please, don�t be offended by my lack of manners, Miss Faaquaa-Quatara�ra�ragiu� ISOBEL Please, call me Isobel. MR GARRETT Quite. Please don�t be put off by my lack of manners Isobel, here at Garrett and Company, we need to make sure that any potential members of staff we interview for a job here have the thickness of skin needed for a job of this nature. ISOBEL Excuse me, but what is the job exactly? The advert wasn�t very clear. MR GARRETT You mean you don�t know what the job is, you mad bitch? ISOBEL Well, I� Isobel turns away and sobs from this sudden verbal assault. She looks up, and Mr Garrett winks at her. Remembering Garrett is only joking, Isobel wipes her eyes and smiles. MR GARRETT I don�t know what you�re smiling at, you pig ugly bastard. This is an interview, and if you�re not prepared to maintain a proper attitude, I suggest you leave. Now. Isobel becomes temporarily unsure of what to say, remembering to take it all as a joke, but wanting to play the game as well. ISOBEL (perking up) No, that�s fine. Just�get on with it, you�you� Mr Garrett, sensing Isobel is about to use a swearword, eggs her on, motioning with his hand to spur her on. ISOBEL You�pig! Mr Garrett�s face turns from one of expectation to one of disappointment. MR GARRETT Hmm, good, good. I was looking for something a bit stronger to be used there actually, Isobel. Remember, we�re looking for strong willed, thick-skinned people who can �give as good as they get� so to speak! Perhaps if I explained a bit about the job� ISOBEL Yes, that might be good. |
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