poems2

UNTITLED BY PETE MUSCUTT
What�s the point in living when you can�t get good work done
Waiting for the net to mend is not a lot of fun
Con�s on heat and always looking out the window at girl�s arses
They�re looking back and having a laugh (they don�t fancy much his chances)
Meeting targets every day gives a glowing feeling inside
It keeps a sacking far away and the need to run and hide
Ringing idiotic fools who don�t know any better
Gets on your nerves and pisses you off and gets your knickers in a fetter
And grinning stuck up bastards who think they know the lot
Can make you want to kill them all by having the fuckers shot
But when you get an ILA there�s really nothing better
Because at least you�re safe and sound and far from the IRA
Pete�s motivational mottoes they really do the trick
Everyone must think he�s blotto or at the least then very sick
Pete Williamson and his poems they brighten up our day
And Adam stalks the office floor thinking everyone is gay
We�re right next to the fire station the noise is quite absurd
Because you have not the foggiest what your client has just heard
The sirens wail their shrieking call as they speed to put out fires
And the sandwich people sell us food because we�re exquisite buyers

SYMBOLS OF THE MILITARY BY PETE MUSCUTT
Isn�t it funny how military factions have their own great little symbols?
The Nazi Swastika and the �Seig heil� salute and the tall ship that signals Blue Peter

SAYINGS NOBODY SAYS ANYMORE BY PETE MUSCUTT
Hoisted high on your own petard is a very funny old saying
Nobody says it now except for your Gran and she�s a retard

SUNDAYS SUCK BY PETE MUSCUTT
War is Hell and so are Sundays say those who hate �Songs Of Praise�
They�d rather be sitting round in the yard attempting to make the dead raise

SO DAMN HIGH BY PETE MUSCUTT
The Beatles once sang about plasticine porters
Wearing their looking glass ties but what no-one has wondered
Since the mid to late sixties Is how McCartney and Lennon got so damn high

MR T�S MARACAS BY PETE MUSCUTT
BA Barracus bought a pair of maracas which he pissed the A-Team off with all day
BA thought he was cool the Team thought �what a tool�
Until he shouted very loud �shut up fool!�

THE BALLAD OF BOBBY BALL BY PETE MUSCUTT
Bobby Ball is not very tall which is a distinct disadvantage
When hanging up banners or washing with flannels
Or cleaning Tommy�s rather large Cannon

THE SUPER HERO�S DISADVANTAGE BY PETE MUSCUTT
Arms of steel and a head of titanium made the super hero a formidable foe
But his one nasty phobia that made his mum crow
Was a fear of drinks with lemonade in

OLD MAN IN A BATH BY PETE MUSCUTT
Whilst taking a bath the old man laughed when he pulled on his wrinkled old toe
To his utter surprise and after numerous tries
He found that it made his cock grow

DRUIDS OF STONEHENGE BY PETE MUSCUTT
The Druids they gathered at Stonehenge to take their smirking revenge
But one was called Triton and as he lay on the chaise longe
They asked him to switch all the lights on

FALSE BY PETE MUSCUTT
People with false teeth are fine unless they fall out all the time
To stick them in place you could use a brace or incredibly smelly old glue

PEEPING TOM AND HIS NUCLEAR BOMB BY PETE MUSCUTT
Peeping Tom bought a nuclear bomb and hid it inside his kitchen
But it turned out to be a vicious old croc that burst out the room and consumed him