Vicevi
Kao prvo, sto je bilo
prije, kokos ili jaje? Odgovore saljite ne [email protected]
.
Zasto je kokos preslo
cestu?
Da dode na drugu stranu.
Da dode na utakmicu HUK-a.
Da dode na koncert Kim Wilde.
Dr. Franjo Tudjman:
Ponasanje kokosi dokazuje da je ona genetski programirana sastavnica orkestriranih
medjunarodnih pritisaka na Hrvatsku.
Anto Djapic:
Krenula je prema Drini da provjeri stanje hrvatskih granica.
Bill Gates:
U drugom kvartalu 1999 izdat cemo beta verziju Kokos 99 koja ce istodobno
prelaziti cestu i nesti 32-bitna jaja sa ActiveX kontrolama ugradjenim u
mucak.
Milan Djukic:
Zasigurno je bila rec o kokosi srpske nacionalnosti. Ona je tim cinom zelela
da svrati pozornost svetske javnosti na polozaj srpskog naroda u Hrvatskoj.
Kardinal Franjo Kuharic:
I Bog kada je silazio sa nebesa obrati se kokosi: - Nedokucivi bit ce putevi
tvoji, krenes li putem svojim. -I kokos tad predje cestu i svi nikom ponikose.
Franjo Arapovic:
Ha? Koga? Cega?
Vlado Gotovac:
Zato sto je vladajuca struktura navela kokos na razmisljanje da to cini
po svojoj slobodnoj volji, a zapravo kokos je to ucinila u sluzbi i po diktatu
stranke na vlasti.
Dino Radja:
Nedajem intervjue i nemojte me slikati.
Ministarstvo unutrasnjih poslova:
Nasa ekipa upravo vrsi ocevid. Kad dobijemo prve rezultate izdat cemo sluzeno
priopcenje.
Q: Why did the chicken
run across the road?
A: There was a car coming.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
A: She wanted to lay it on the line.
Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
A: She wanted to stretch her legs.
Q: Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
A: She was afraid someone would caesar!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum it could actually be done!
Zasto je kokos presla cestu? Sto kazu poznate osobe? Na engleskom jeziku.
Darth Vader :
Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
Gilligan :
The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for
the plumage of its peerless tail - the chicken would be lost. The chicken
would be lost!
Scully :
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
Jerry Seinfeld :
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask,
'What the heck was this chicken doing walking all over the place anyway?
Mr. T :
If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Gerald R. Ford :
It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
Jean-Paul Sartre
:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
necessary to cross the road.
Saddam Hussein :
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping
50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Darwin :
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
George Bush :
To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Lord Baden-Powell
:
To earn a road crossing Badge.
Margaret Thatcher
:
There was no alternative.
Oliver North :
National Security was at stake.
Ronald Reagan :
I don't recall.
Louis Farrakhan :
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the
"black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
John Locke :
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
John Sununu :
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite
understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
President Clinton
:
I did not, and I repeat, I did not have sexual relations with that chicken.
Mark Twain :
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Robert Frost :
To reach the sidewalk less travelled by.
William Shakespeare :
I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy
without much ado.
George Orwell :
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing
the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Salvador Dali :
The Fish.
Werner Heisenberg
:
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving
very fast.
L.A. Police Department
:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Dilbert :
I hate it when the title gives away the plot!
Howard Cosell :
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the
annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity
to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo- sapien
pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
David Hume :
Out of custom
and habit.
Douglas Adams :
Forty-two.
Epicurus :
For fun.
George Washington
:
Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history
books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.
Hamlet :
Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous
road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of on coming vehicles...
Johann Friedrich
von Goethe :
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
John Constantine
:
Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and
figured it'd better get out right quick.
Julius Caesar :
To come, to see, to conquer.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
:
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken"
and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the
actualization of this potential occurrence.
Machiavelli :
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has
the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for
whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian
virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Malcolm X :
Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.
Sigmund Freud :
The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which
the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious,
selbstverstaendlich.
Sisyphus :
Was it pushing a rock, too?
The Sphinx :
You tell me.
Hippocrates :
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Zsa Zsa Gabor :
It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness,
are good, dahling.
Woody Allen:
I mean, it was, it was ... a legal chicken ... It wasn't like it was a blood
relative or anything. (And don't believe anything that Mia says about me.)
Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.
The Dead Sea Scrolls:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there
was much rejoicing.
Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Roseanne:
Urrrrrp. What chicken?
Jack Benny:
I'm thinking. ... I'm thinking
Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
James Cagney:
It crossed twice. The dirty double-crosser.
Albert Camus:
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
John Cleese:
This Chicken is no more. It has ceased to function. Bereft of life, it rests
in peace. It's a stiff. If it wasn't nailed to the road it'd be pushing
up daisies. It's snuffed it. It's metabolic processes are now history. It's
bleeding demised. It's rung down the curtain, shuffled off the mortal coil
and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible. This is an Ex-Chicken. Ergo, it
did not cross the road.
Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such
a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads
James Dean:
To prove he wasn't chicken.
Emily Dickenson:
Because it could not stop for death.
Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends
upon your frame of reference.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
M.C.Escher:
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
Freud:
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your
underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates:
To purchase Chicken 2.01a, which will both cross roads and calculate the
energy it used. There are bugs, yes, but if you uninstall Traffic 2.0 and
Farmer 1.2 it will run. If it freezes at WhiteLine 2.0, we have a patch
...
Dirk Gently (Holistic
Detective):
I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.
Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.
Sherlock Holmes:
Do not concern yourself with the chicken that did cross the road; the answer
lies with the chicken that did not cross the road.
Saddam Hussein:
It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Terry Jones:
This isn't a chicken license! It's a dog license with the word "Dog"
crossed out and "Chicken" written in in crayon.
Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual
chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being.
Immanuel Kant:
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own
free will.
Martin Luther King,
Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.
Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
John Locke:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends
of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Karl Marx:
It crossed twice. First time, it was a tragedy; second time, a farce.
Chico Marx:
It couldn't. It was a rubber chicken.
Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought
he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Harpo Marx:
Honk! Honk! Honk!
Jackie Mason:
Whaddaya want, it should just stand there?
Fox Mulder:
It was a government conspiracy.
Fox Mulder 2 :
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have
to cross the road before you believe it?
Jack Nicholson:
'Cause it fucking wanted to. That's the fucking reason.
Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across
you.
Richard M. Nixon:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross
the road.
George Orwell:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing
the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Plato:
For the greater good.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?
Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?
Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
necessary to cross the road.
Arnold Schwartznegger:
It will be back.
Jerry Seinfeld:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask,
"What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place
anyway?"
Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why he crossed, I've not been told!
O.J.Simpson:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
B.F. Skinner:
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth,
had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads,
even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
The Sphinx:
You tell me.
Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
Oliver Stone:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but
is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked
in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Mae West:
I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Oprah Winfrey:
To avoid mad-chicken disease.
STAR TREK ODGOVORI
Captain James T. Kirk :
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Chakotay:
Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to
cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.
Neelix:
Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system.
But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.
HoloDoc:
How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't even know
we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice,
BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered
to turn me off!
B'Elanna:
I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleeping
Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!
Paris:
Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.
Harry:
I don't know, it's my first mission.
Tuvok:
That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes
the junior officers nervous.
Janeway:
Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it
probably misses its dog.
Kes:
It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all
the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!
Odo:
I don't have the slightest idea--and I don't particularly care...but then,
I've never understood ornithoids' need to engage in such pointless behavior.
Quark:
Now really, why would I have bribed him to do it so I could make a tidy
profit in the station pool? Besides, all I know is that chicken tastes just
like tube grubs.
Kira:
It was probably being chased by those damn Cardassians!
The Grand Nagus:
Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it
quietly, without anyone noticing! (Inconceivable!)
Gul Dukat:
Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some
kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's
satisfaction.
Sisko:
I don't care -why- it was crossing the road! All I want to know is -why-
it left the coop! So it wanted to "get to the other side"--there
is only -so far- that my tolerance will go!
O'Brien:
No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.
Dr. Bashir:
Who am I to argue with a chicken?
Dax:
To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm
sure wouldn't have had a clue,and then there's...
Garak:
To get to the other side? Of course not! Do you realize how ridiculous that
is? I'm sure it was a simple matter of its farmer expelling it from the
coop for...embezzling eggs.
Worf:
I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.
Riker:
I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.
Troi:
It was running...running away from...no, escaping...oh, Captain, it was
fleeing from such -pain-!
Dr. Crusher:
If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong
with the universe.
Tasha:
That depends...was it fully functional?
Wesley:
I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure
the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers
and...
Barclay:
Uh, chicken?!! Where?!!! C-c-c-ommander, did I ever mention my problem with
small feathered things?
Geordi:
Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll be there in an hour or two--but
any later, and it'll be absolutely impossible for it to make it.
Data:
The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century
Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been
to traverse the distance without interception by any kind of combustion-propelled
personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated
fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for
the usage of...yes, sir.
Picard:
There are four lights!
The Borg:
Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.
Hugh the Borg:
Is it my friend?
Kirk:
You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my
SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilled my...son!
Spock:
Fasincating, Captain, it seems driven by a beam of pure energy.
Bones:
Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!
Scotty:
I donna know, Captain, but it's crossing as fast as it can!
Chekov:
Of course, you know chickens were originally domesticated by the famous
Russian chickenologist, Vladimir Chickovsky, who in 1435.....
Uhura:
Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?
Sulu:
Don't call me Tiny!
Khan:
With my last breath I spit at the chicken...
Harvey Mudd:
Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible
misunderstanding.
Nurse Chapel:
Oh, Spock!
Lwaxana:
Oh, Jean-Luc!
V'Ger:
To join with the Creator.
Dr. Soran:
His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes
have been edited out.)
Charlie X:
Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...
Sarek:
Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.
Gene Roddenberry:
To boldy go where no one had gone before.
Da pilici imaju svojstva
racunala, kako bi prelazili cestu?
Newton Chicken :
Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across
the road in your pocket!
NT Chicken :
Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.
OS/2 Chicken :
It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody
noticed.
Win 95 Chicken :
You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it
still tastes like ...chicken.
Mac Chicken :
No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's
no way to tell it to.
Bill Gates :
I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND
balance your checkbook, although dividing 3 by 2 will get you 1.4999999999.
Microsoft Chicken
(TM) :
It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
Java Chicken :
If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download
one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets!)
C Chicken :
It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken :
The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on
the other side.
VB Chicken :
USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
OOP Chicken :
It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
Assembler Chicken
:
First it builds the road ...
Delphi Chicken :
The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
Web Chicken :
Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
Gopher Chicken :
Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.
Lotus Chicken :
Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
COBOL Chicken :
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM
0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1
UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
Special 2000 US Election Jokes:
SOUTH FLORIDA VOTER
:
The chickens were clearly confused as to where the dotted yellow line was
leading. The only other option was to cross the line, so they did.
VICE PRESIDENT GORE
:
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I
will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the
chickens and I will not disappoint them. Did I mention that I invented roads?
GOVERNOR GEORGE W.
BUSH :
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give
the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let
go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
SENATOR LIEBERMAN
:
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their
own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should
be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
SECRETARY CHENEY
:
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted
to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing
the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
RALPH NADER :
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tiremakers.
Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to create the
need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an
advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.
Horoskop kokosi koje
prelaze cestu
Zodiacal Influence on Chicken Crossing Behaviour
LEO (July 20 to August 22):
Leo chickens are majestic and proud with personalities that need to
shine, and greet opportunities with fervor and vitality. They always need
to be in charge. They will cross the road with great enthusiasm for the
opportunity to escape a normal, humdrum existence.
VIRGO (August 23
to September 22):
Virgos are practical and adaptable. They have a strong desire to succeed,
are very discriminating and tend to be critical of others. They strive for
perfection. They are very poultriatarian and will usually cross for the
good of other chickens and because it is the proper or correct thing to
do.
LIBRA (September
23 to October 22):
Libra chickens are thoughtful and sensitive, and are always seeking balance
and harmony. They need the respect and love of other chickens more than
any other group. They think carefully before making any decision. Libra
chickens are prone to stop in the middle of the road to try to decide which
way to go, making the crossing a considerable risk to themselves and others.
SCORPIO (October
23 to November 21):
Scorpios have a depth and intensity of their emotions that gives them a
strong inner power. They are creatures of passion whose focused desires
assist them in achieving their aims. They can be ruthlessly self-critical
in their quest for truth. They are uncompromising, and stick to any commitment
they have made. They cross because they promised to do so.
SAGITTARIUS (November
23 to December 21):
These chickens are restless and visionary. They love to explore new horizons
and see life as a journey full of adventure. They greet every new experience
with a warm heart, a ready smile and an open mind. They cross the road because
of a passion to see more of the world and a spirit which longs to be free.
CAPRICORN (December
22 to January 19):
Capricorns are very ambitious and are always striving to reach the top of
the coop. They are tenacious in planning every step to achieve their goals,
and leave themselves little time to relax before looking for new peaks to
climb. They cross because they must to achieve the success they feel should
be theirs.
AQUARIUS (January
20 to February 18):
Chickens born under the sign of Aquarius are strong independent spirits
longing to break free from traditional conventions and restrictions and
the status quo. They are innovative and idealistic always replacing old
outdated thinking with fresh perspectives. They are strongly driven to oppose
social injustice and oppression. They are always experimenting to discover
their own identity. They will cross because it is forbidden to do so and
by doing so it will be easier for others to do so in the future.
PISCES (February
19 to March 20):
Pisces chickens are dreamy and sensitive. They are blessed with deep intuition
and a wealth of emotion. Pisces are romantic, creative and full of love
with a potential for great happiness and lasting joy. Their imagination
is so strong that it frequently merges with fantasy. They usually cross
because they had a vision telling them that this is the means to the happiness
they are striving to achieve.
ARIES (March 21 to
April 19):
Chickens born under the sign of Aries are natural leaders possessing a pioneering
determined spirit, who wish to make their mark on the world. They cross
the road to assert themselves and seek action, daring and adventure.
TAURUS (April 20
to May 20):
Taurus chickens are strong willed and have a down to earth attitude toward
life. They are overly interested in material things and have a real need
for security. They feel unsettled unless comfortable. They will cross only
if there is more security on the other side or to obtain material possessions.
GEMINI (May 21 to
June 20):
They are highly restless and are always seeking a wide variety of contrasting
experiences. They cross because they are curious and to avoid the boredom
of their mundane existence.
CANCER (June 21 to
July 22):
While having a tough shell-like exterior, Cancer chickens are very sensitive
and vulnerable. They have very delicate emotions, and are always attuned
to their environment and the feelings of those around them. They have a
constant and urgent need to feel safe and always act defensively. They will
only cross the road when there is danger to themselves or others on this
side.
LEO (July 20 to August
22):
Leo chickens are majestic and proud with personalities that need to shine,
and greet opportunities with fervor and vitality. They always need to be
in charge. They will cross the road with great enthusiasm for the opportunity
to escape a normal, humdrum existence.