| 10/31/01 Checked for the missing piece. No where to be found. Bought some tix, Came to my door taday. Knock, knock it's UPS. Unknown Personal Space. Unneeded items That are lost, Couldn't recognize... 11/01/01 Sitting here at the DMV Listening to chatter Swimming all around me. People talking about car Related stuff...annoying should have bought a mountain bike. 12/10/01 I wonder what she's doing. Now that I'm gone, And he's there. Wonder if she's happy. I think I am, Can't be sure though. Wonder if she knows how, How I felt... About her. I don't really feel it anymore. I have found someone else. And wonder if she meant it... "i wish you were here, or better yet wish we were away from here together." She wrote it on a pretty postcard. Oh well, I don't need her anymore. Just would like to know for sure, That she's OK. 7/27/01 this is all that i am. this is all i can see. this is all that i was. this is all i can be. and this is not by choice, and this is not for real. and this is not my voice. this is just how i feel. i can't show you the way. i can't be what i was. so lost, still haven't found, my way. can't rise above my life: empty and false. a waste of space; i thought, i was so full of heart. that's not- the truth i feel, that's not- the me i know. i slide from rooftops down to soft sad drifts of snow. 12/15/01 ugly music easy woman she is like rain sweet smell of manipulation man trudges on stares through the cool rain. she bleeds through her mini-skirt. women can always sleep around. who has feverish lust? the candles she lights share time with the god that doesn't exist. much love from the broken keys on an old piano. |
| 1/3/02 Why do I do this to myself. I have found someone who loves me... Fear, the destroyer has already attacked me. Paranoia creeps into my dreams... I'm so afraid I'll let go of myself And become someone else... I've put my trust in a boy, Haven't done that in some time; It doesn't feel wrong, I hope that means it's all right. 1/18/02 it's been a little over five months since i last spoke to you in person. as long as i live, i doubt i'll see you again that's a long time. i don't miss you in the way you may suspect... i just miss the little things you did that made me laugh. i know you never loved me. that was a mutual feeling. we were just passing time. but that time is over and now i'm here. with someone new. i love him. i am going to stay with him until one of us dies. hopefully that's not for a long time. you and i were like two children, playing in the sand, yelling at the sea. where are you now? i just wonder, i hope you're happy, i hope you get along okay. i hope you're doing something that brings you joy. i hope you have no fear when you cross running water. i know i'll see you again in the next lifetime. but a lifetime is a long time... maybe you'll send me a little letter and i'll know that my hope is your reality. 8/28/02 have you ever looked at yourself and seen who you are, and wonder what you could have been? you sit there and think, of your hopes and your fears, you never considered that you'd end up here. well you're not alone, i feel the same way, i thought i was something, now i hear myself say: i was a long time coming, and now i'm just going, the same way that everyone does once they see: that life has no purpose and life has no cares about who i became or who i wanted to be. what can you do? nothing i guess, the path that i chose is surely the best. the best thing i've had and the best that i know. i've fallen in love and i hope he won't go. i don't understand why i feel so let down. like there's something i should have accomplished by now. why can't i just sit here and gloat in my love? why aren't the girl i once thought i was? |