| 10/14/01 Picked up an angry, Hitch-hiker girl. 15 years old, Already lost to the world. Black hair and white skin. Nothing but a smile When I asked her why She was headed for Troy. Troy- empty city full of people Has nothing to give, To wise little girls, Who want to escape.. Who can't resist running away From the life handed over On a rusty tin tray. From the pain they deal with, Each and every day. Days turn to weeks And the weeks to months, to years. All you have left Is the memory of tears. Tears shed without Any reason to cry. Bawling and screaming Can't figure out why. Hitch-hiker girl named Serena, She is lost in a world That doesn't give a shit About if you make it, In the way you're expected Or if you persevere through The tense and the hectic, Competition for joy. Fight to the top of the useless decoy. You're looking around, And all that you see Are reminders of how, Your life used to be. Used to be easy to find sorrow and pain, But now it finds you, And you end up the same. The same as I was, But now I can hide, In the fact that I stopped, To give Serena a ride. A ride to a place where No one belongs. To a place that has No use for such songs. ~~~~~~~~~ Trying to find what I'm looking for here. I went far away, Now I see that it's near. Near as I am to this, Broken idea. Lost in the sense That I have nothing but fear. I'm afraid of my future. Unsure of my past. I'm looking for something That will outlast, The view from the decoy, The memory of life. If anyone's got it TELL ME THE PRICE! Tell me how i can run from myself. Tell me how to forget. How to forget. FORGET! Forget, forget me...forget myself. 10/19/01 Sitting here alone Is strange. There are people everywhere; None of them speak to me. I wish that some kiddos Would stop and talk to me, For just a minute. Make me a little more, A little more at home. |
| 10/16/01 Ask me for a thought -please. Ask me for the meaning of life. Ask me for a cigarette. Tell me that you need, Something that I have. Read my entire notebook... Then laugh at me. Read the story of my life, Take part of me home with you. I'm so lonely. So lonely in this place. So lonely can't stop it. Seek companionship Constantly. Try to go to shows and concerts, Lately been to quite a few. Trying to see who Else is looking for a little Bit of happiness... Who else is looking for thoughts And pleasant conciuosness. Whe here, Has lost themselves to everyday? Gently glide... The weeks are passing by, Slipping away into months Wasting time... You know i can't escape, The feeling that I've nothing Left to be here for. The feeling that I've become A worthless whore. In the worst way, Complying with the system I once tried to escape. Just because it's easier Than fighting. It's not better, just easier. 10/21/01 Alone, here all these people Don't know me. Don't care to know me. Can't help but to show myself, How unable I am to handle Myself... Nobody to call on... Nobody to blame this on. Actress I am, Acting so useful, actress I am. Being so humble. Actress she called me. I'm not lying, you know. 11/6/01 Once the bad taste Of boys is in your mouth. You'll never forget it. Never anything other Than skeptical questions... Thirsty for clear boundaries. Hungry for escape. Want to meet myself, And hear myself say: "I love you all, But back off please. Don't make me feel like I cannot leave. I want my freedom, And so I'm here. Let me be, I don't want to disappear Again. |