| Maybe I don�t, Know my place. They all tell me that. I guess I want too much. I want people to see past things. Not what I have and don�t have. Not my items or my face. I want people to think about, What we are all meant to do here. What will happen in the future? I don�t know�or care. We have to make the best of every day. It�s hard. I�ll be the first to admit, That sometimes I get swayed, And start to think, This is it. My life is coming to a close. She told me I had expectations That were too high. I suppose I do, And I don�t know why. He told me, That he couldn�t read my mind. It�s good that he can�t, He�d be afraid of what he�d find. I said on Thursday That I didn�t care. He said �Yes you do.� And he was right. I want to leave this for real. I want to leave this alone. She knows I feel bad For trying not to hide it When I feel alone and sad. I really am alone. I really know how things are, But no one else can see, No one else even tries to. I really want to be a part of everything. Or just apart from everything. I�m sick of being in the middle. In the middle of arguments. In the middle of a game. In the middle of doing something, And tthat something is always, So useless. In the middle of paying for things, That I lost�. In the middle of paying for ideas that I had. I want to be heard. Just one time. I want someone to read it all, And know what it means. That�s what they all tell me Is too much to ask. Too much to expect, Yet I do. For some reason I still hold on, To the belief, That somewhere out there, There are more people like me. |
| I suppose I�ve found one, But he can�t seem to find me. I�m so tired of wondering, When I�ll be accepted, When I�ll be kept alive: I want to be kept alive by something more Than my need to prove That I�ll do everything That I ever wanted to do. And maybe even do it well. I�ll show you all some day, That I�m really what I planned. Funny thing is, I don�t remember planning. But that�s no surprise, Lately the only thing I remember, Are isolated events, Animal bread, Crying. Hamsters and kittens, I once had. I�ll never forget, Teeny tiny kitty cat. I remember trying to write a book, When I was nine. And trying to write a screenplay At sixteen. Now I just write my mind, It works out a lot better. I remember My Little Ponies. And I recall dancing for a long time, Last night, all alone, just being free, Outside on the lower part of the sky. The clouds were blue and they filled, Up a space too big to seem true, Clouds can float around but, They have no self control, And no communication between each other. I guess I burned a lot of bridges, Intentionally, because I don�t Want to fall back on anything, Unless it�s me. I give up this earth�s dust and This land�s flower, To keep a piece of mind, Maybe someday that freedom Will bring peace of mind. |
| 8/20/00 |
| Note: This is all one poem. |