9/8/00 She bought a green suitcase, And some new sunglasses, She sat down on the ground, And pulled out her eyelashes. She cut her hair. And stitched up her ripped up jeans, She said, I hate being dead, I�m tired of me. She left him on bad terms, He was so wary of her anyway, He thought that she too, enjoyed, Those games that he played. She says: I left him and found myself, But she still knows that�s just a line, She feels ripped apart, She�s always screaming inside. She packed her things into that suitcase. The rainbows he gave her, The lies that he told her. The photographs of him at cafes, And at bars. Pictures she had taken, She thought it was just art. She loved parts of everything, When he was around. She folds up her pants, There�s no hole in the back, On the right upper leg. She can�t believe these people, Who touched her skin with cold hands. She wears a flag, That she held his hand for, She kissed him one too many times, In this very T-shirt. She let him borrow her bracelets and rings, She sees him so easily in each of her things. She sees her tattoo, And remembers how he, Wanted it blue, She said, this one�s for me. The scars on her arms, Should have been on his. She takes off her glasses, And realizes this: Seven years from now, She�ll be out in the world, He�ll be a little boy, Dating a little girl. She altered herself, Because she couldn�t bear, To look the same way, She had while he was there. She�s ready for this now, Though she still cries. She can�t even wonder, About his blue eyes, Closing their lids, And not opening again. Because seven years from now, She�ll still be sad, And she knows he will feel bad, About himself. Because he threw away, Something big, He�ll know pretty soon, What he missed out on. And maybe someday he�ll see why, Letting her go, Was the biggest mistake of his life. She opens up her mouth, And howls into the sky, She says, I love you, baby, But now I�m gonna fly. |
| 6/28/00 Why should I even care, About you When all you do is lie. Lie without speaking, Lie without even trying, You lie. |
| 3/27/97 The shadow of an ugly girl Follows me Where ever I go. The shadow of an ugly girl Follows me And I don�t know Why. Sometimes when I�m alone I look into the shadows and I see The shadow of a beautiful girl Following me. But then the Shadow of an ugly girl Appears before my opened eyes. And that ugly girl Is in disguise. That ugly girl I hope she isn�t me� But then why Would her shadow Follow everywhere I go? |
| 7/29/00 Don�t smile, When you don�t mean it. Everyone else lies, I hope you�re not the same. I noticed a ring of dead grass, On my favorite field. I close my eyes, And it still seems real, As real as it was last time, And the time before, A little more convincing� Until you know, once again, What�s happening. |
| 8/10/00 I�m not stupid. Don�t forget that. I need to stop Believing you. You aren�t trusted So don�t try To worm your way Into my mind. FUCK you both! I don�t care anyway. I don�t need to take your shit, I don�t want to know the truth, I�m just gonna take a few steps back, To free myself from you. I might love you, But you still don�t have a right To treat me like a game You know I can�t yet fly. I�ll leave you, I�ll cry, I�ll do a lot of things, But I will never lie. |