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| Since the beginning of October, Picounts has been taking a note whenever someone says something funny in a class at JMM High School. These quotes are listed below. Some of these quotes may not be funny to everybody, others may not be funny at all. Enjoy! A highlighted date means the quote has been added since the last update. Updated 4/4/04
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| Sam B. is a student at JMM High School. He is very into politics and has a very liberal view. He also reads a lot of books that no one else in the class has read, and knows stuff about history and current events that none of the other students know about. He also tends to ramble on and on about these things in history class. These quotes were chosen for various reasons, but mostly just to annoy him... |
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| 10/9/03 |
"I'll keep it short" |
| 11/5/03 |
"I'll keep it short" |
| 11/5/03 |
It's great to take quotes out of context. Sam said this, but strongly disagrees with it: "It is our god-given right to control the world" |
| 11/18/03 |
When a question is asked, Sam, who is always the first to answer any question, says "I was... I'm thinking... I don't have anything." |
| 11/25/03 |
"Put down 'I don't know' as a quote [for me]" |
| 11/25/03 |
�I�m here for one point, and one point only: history, literature, and science� |
| 1/6/04 |
"Umm... Give me a second" |
| 1/9/04 |
"I DO have a conservative streak." |
| 2/24/04 |
"I'll keep it brief." |
| 2/25/04 |
During mock trial: "...to name a few - so I don't have to bore the tribunal..." |
| 3/1/04 |
"I tried to keep it brief" |
| 3/12/04 |
"I'll keep it brief." |
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| Ms. Calchina is a history teacher at JMM High School. She says a lot of random things, especially about Sam B.
(To understand some of her quotes, you will first need to read about Sam B. above) |
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| 10/7/03 |
"We like hearing about people's sex lives" |
| 10/7/03 |
When Sam B. was getting really worked up about a topic: "Sam, don't explode" |
| 11/5/03 |
Sam B. always tends to use examples that nobody in the class has ever heard of, so Ms. Calchina tells him the horrible truth: "Sam, nobody's understanding." Sam did a little less talking after that. |
| 11/12/03 |
Calchina: "I bought this beautiful, beautiful, bird cage." Brandon, Student: "You have a bird?" Calchina: "No, just a cage" |
| 11/24/03 |
About to say something off the top of her head: "I'm just thinking - I'm doing kind of a Sam-thing here - that..." |
| 11/24/03 |
"This is an incredibly teachable moment" |
| 11/24/03 |
In disbelief, Calchina says of Sam B.: "How does he remember this stuff?" |
| 12/3/03 |
�Alex, wake up or I�ll call the undertaker� |
| 12/4/03 |
�I don�t want my reputation smarfed� |
| 12/12/03 |
�I knew that the mention of breasts would be the end.� |
| 12/18/03 |
When Sam B. answered a question wrong: �Sam, you�ve become human.� |
| 1/5/04 |
"Were you going to say something, Sam?" |
| 3/16/04 |
"Okay, my little chickens, let's get going here." |
| 3/24/04 |
"One of my boyfriends took me home." A student asked 'One of them?' Calchina replied "I liked to play around ... I was bored" |
| 3/24/04 |
"I went to church twice a week - and then made out with boys in the back of the preacher's car ... I was bored" |
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| Ms. Gump is an english teacher at JMM High School. She has the most quotes, and the funniest quotes of all the people on this page. |
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| 10/6/03 |
"I have a life." |
| 10/8/03 |
"...all the feminists get squishy" |
| 10/8/03 |
"There will be a random, unannounced note check tommorow." |
| 10/13/03 |
"This is Gumpland!" - Hmm.... I think "Gumpland" would be a good video game.... |
| 10/14/03 |
"No, funn-ER!" |
| 10/23/03 |
"He's not the most sensitive crayon in the box" |
| 10/23/03 |
Acting out what her students are going to go home and say: "My english teacher is obsesed with sex!" |
| 10/27/03 |
"...the one that runs the house of bad-girls." - nice description.... |
| 10/29/03 |
"It's more longer than that." |
| 10/29/03 |
"We're gonna put a butt-load of stuff on the board." |
| 11/5/03 |
"Meaningful glare" |
| 11/10/03 |
Makes hands into "W", rolls eyes - "What-ever!" |
| 11/17/03 |
It's hard to fall in love with a woman who vowed not to fall in love - or all that other fun stuff." |
| 11/19/03 |
That's right up there with speeding on the beltline: Don't ever say you can do anything better than a god." |
| 11/24/03 |
"There's a pretty serious word-o on the test. It's not just a typo; it's a word-o." |
| 10/26/03 |
"...This is life; this isn't just Gumpland." |
| 10/26/03 |
"...You can look out the window; look at all the fat squirrels" - Two students turn around |
| 12/2/03 |
�I�m having a holding-my-brains-in kind of day.� She sees me getting out paper to take down the quote. �No, don�t write that down!� |
| 12/10/03 |
Talking about the lesson: �I�m the one who�s making this stuff up; ask ME!� |
| 12/10/03 |
Quoting her �teacher-friend�: �Just because they�re sitting there quietly doesn�t mean they�re paying attention. They could be dead.� |
| 12/18/03 |
While grading papers during silent reading time: �Hmm� Oh�� She noticed people listening to her, and said, �When you write, it�s like you�re talking to me, so I�m talking back.� |
| 1/6/04 |
"The gods' entertainment was watching humans flop around" |
| 1/6/04 |
After a student asked how she knew the quote above, Gump said, "In a prior life, I was a Greek goddess." |
| 1/6/04 |
"Zeus was probably more stronger." |
| 1/7/04 |
"I want to be called Zoom-Zoom" |
| 1/9/04 |
"Did you cheat while I was gone?" |
| 1/12/04 |
We have to have a big hand-back-o-rama." |
| 1/12/04 |
"Don't you like to see those A's lined up like soldiers on your report card?" |
| 1/14/04 |
"I know who's sitting there farting around" |
| 1/29/04 |
"If you get cracking, I can teach your kids before I retire." |
| 2/11/04 |
"[You must do this assignment on time] unless your house burns down - in which case you should bring a note." |
| 2/23/04 |
To Sam B.: "Go away." |
| 2/23/04 |
"I have a life" |
| 3/2/04 |
"I'm the only one who can 'nanner-nanner;' that's my job. |
| 3/10/04 |
Refers to Creighton as "Shaggy-headed boy #1" |
| 3/10/04 |
"I have to be able to see you so I can glare at you properly" |
| 3/10/04 |
"Ladies, gentleman, Reed" (For those who don't know, Reed is the name of a student) |
| 3/17/04 |
"There are two approaches to dealing with the sexual jokes: I could just blush and pretend they aren't there, or I could explain them in such excruciating detail that you wish I would stop. I tend to take the second approach" |
| 3/22/04 |
"They don't have first names ... kinda like how my name is Ms. Gump" |
| 3/23/04 |
Ms. Gump told the class that they weren't allowed to go outside. Amanda C. complained that they were allowed to go outside in sixth grade. Ms. Gump responded, "That was sixth grade - you didn't have hormones back then" |
| 3/30/04 |
"Considering my squish factor, this is too violent for me" |
| 3/31/04 |
"He's [Mercutio's] comparing a dry floppy fish to some part of his [Romeo's] anatomy" |
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| Mr. Camosy, science teacher: |
| 10/21/03 |
"And you thought the Wisconsin state fossil was Mr. Rodriguez" |
| 12/18/03 |
�All we have to know is [your] gender, to the best of your ability� |
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| Ryan N., student: |
| 10/23/03 |
"Vaseline is used for certain male pleasures" |
| 12/5/03 |
After Ms. Calchina asked, �What was happening in cars?� Ryan responded by saying, �Certain experiences between males and females.� |
| 1/30/04 |
About Hitler: "How can a person with such an ugly mustache be a charismatic person?" |
| 3/31/04 |
While reading Romeo and Juliet, Ryan accidently skipped a line and said, "these new tuners of accent: 'By whore!'" (Act two, Scene four, lines 30 and 32) |
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| Christina V., student: |
| 11/4/03 |
"I dreamt that me and my family were goats" |
| 2/10/04 |
"You learn something new every day - except when you don't" |
| 2/23/04 |
During mock trial, after a lawyer called her Japanese: "Umm... I'm not Japanese." |
| 3/11/04 |
About our substitute teacher, Mr. Paulson: "He's an adult Sam." |
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| Coach Priest, volleyball coach: |
| 11/19/03 |
At the end of the season banquet, about a student's playing: "He got his hands on the balls that didn't deserve to be touched" |
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| Nina T., student: |
| 11/20/03 |
"English teachers shouldn't dance; I hate to break it to you Ms. Gump" |
| 12/11/03 |
�What did we do in English class today? We talked about hacking people�s heads off!� |
| 12/12/03 |
After Ms. Calchina said, �I knew that the mention of breasts would be the end,� Nina said, �You just lost all the boys Ms. Calchina.� |
| 3/29/04 |
About Romeo: "He's such a hormonal teenage boy" |
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| Tim, student: |
| 11/25/03 |
"There's five minutes left in class; you know what that means........ BEEF JERKY!" |
| 12/3/03 |
�I�m not on speaking terms with jelly donuts� |
| 2/3/04 |
Billy G. said, "Mr Hodgson said that if you take precalculus, then you won't have a social life." Tim said, "Actually, I think it's the other way around; the people who go into precalculus already don't have a social life" |
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| Mr. Goelzer, Substitute for Sra. Stangel: |
| 12/1/03 |
�No, My name�s not Diego Rivera; he�s much more dead than I am.� |
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| Nathaniel L., student: |
| 12/2/03 |
While watching jelly donuts burn on TV: �Nooooo! � No! � Why?!�� |
| 12/9/03 |
�What�s the moral of this story? If you eat breakfast, you�ll break your leg� |
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| Sarah J., student: |
| 12/10/03 |
�Ms. Calchina, can we cite Sam as a reference?� |
| 2/23/04 |
During mock trial: "Objection! We've gone OVER this already." |
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| Lindsey, student: |
| 12/16/03 |
Very amusedly: �Charles DICKens stole the MASTER BATES.� |
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| Mr. Rodriguez, English/TAG teacher: |
| 12/18/03 |
�They didn�t worry about safety in those days � It was probably a lot more fun.� |
| 1/8/04 |
"He was brought to life by his orange peel fetish." |
| 1/8/04 |
"Go to page 155 to the 'Great Bacon Metaphor'" |
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| Ms. Arfstrom, Science student teacher: |
| 2/5/04 |
When doing a lab involving molasses: "Some of you may think these smell like molasses cookies; I think they smell like - [dramatic pause] - Crap." |
| 2/11/04 |
Talking about the heart of a small animal: "It's a little sack ... and it's going to be pulsating." |
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| Elizabeth M., student |
| 2/13/04 |
"I'd like to be a tiger, because they are graceful, but they can - [dramatic pause] - kill things." |
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| Ms. Polster, Health teacher |
| 2/16/04 |
"Teachers are humans - well, some are gods, but that's another matter" |
| 3/5/04 |
After everyone laughed when Matt said "anus" - "Isn't that funny? People just have to laugh at crap." |
| 3/5/04 |
"They don't measure your penis to see how fat you are." |
| 3/12/04 |
"If you want a cleansing, take Ex-Lax; that'll clean you out" |
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| Amanda C., student |
| 2/25/04 |
To Sam B., during mock trial: "Your big words are confusing me!" |
| 3/5/04 |
"My brain hurts" |
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| Louise Z., student |
| 3/4/04 |
"Ms. Gump, my hand's wilting" |
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| Athletic Director |
| 3/19/04 |
"Spartans don't boo" |
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| Catalina, student from Brazil |
| 3/19/04 |
"The last monkey we exported became your president" |
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