Trevor eludes police and opens another major can on competition

A week-long hunt for a 13-year-old boy involved in a football picks scandal turned up nothing, and other members of the family football league aren't happy about it. A stolen can opener with a vast amount of power was again used by Trevor in Week 3 of the Sunday Football Picks, and the result was another huge can of whoop-ass getting opened on his competitors. Trevor's incredible 13-2 record — a career-best achievement — slammed everyone in the league for the second week in a row.

"The detective work in this area is sloppy and ineffective," said QT Pie, who was 12-3 on Sunday but still lost to Trevor. "Why can't the authorities find a young kid? He doesn't even drive! Where the heck is he going to go?"

Trevor was accused last week of being in possession of a gold-handled, heavy duty can opener that was swiped from a Wilmington football coach, who often used the device to open cans of whoop-ass on other high school teams. Trevor allegedly has been using this powerful tool for his own gain, cracking open big cans of whoop-ass in Week 2 and Week 3 of the Picks to bolt to a 30-13 first-place record. The theft was reported to local authorities, who have been looking for Trevor ever since.

"Trevor has used the stupid can opener to crush me by nine games in just two weeks," said defending Picks champion Nicole, who has been the hardest hit by Trevor's cans of whoop-ass. "I want that boy found and disarmed immediately!"

When police raided his Oswego home Sunday morning, Trevor and family were gone. He had again dodged officers. Trevor later called Picks headquarters from an undisclosed location to submit his team selections. "My mom got me up early, and we left town," he said. Police were informed of Trevor's comment, and his mom is now considered an accomplice. The offense, according to state law, is "reckless use of a potent tool with intent to maim or destroy." He did just that, say his Picks rivals.

Trevor's dad Mark, who fell to three games behind in the standings, thinks his son struck a personal blow against him by what he saw on television Sunday. Mark's 49ers were stunned by Trevor's Vikings in the final seconds when quarterback Brett Favre scrambled away from tackles and unloaded a pinpoint 32-yard touchdown pass. Favre appeared super-human on the play.

"I saw the can opener in question sticking out of Brett Favre's back pocket as he was celebrating the winning touchdown," said Mark, who is known for his eye for detail. "I don't know how Trevor got to Minnesota so fast, but Favre opened a can of you-know-what on that final play, and that's how Trevor beat me this week. I'm ticked!"

Favre denied receiving any assistance in the amazing 27-24 victory. "I sometimes carry utensils in my back pocket because we share grilled chicken on the sidelines between drives," Favre said. "Maybe that's what that guy saw. I get hungry, man."