Rebekah 201: Useless Stuff
Poetry
Photographs
Roy: January 2005
Song: Real Love - The Beatles
You know, I like my job. If I moved up the chain I probably wouldn't. But I cannot stand to be uneducated either.
2/10/05
Song: Stay - Jeremy Camp
I went to the music hall to practice today. Someone was in my practice room. That was annoying. I signed up for that time, and it's suppose to be mine for that hour. Supposedly I could have thrown the person out. But...no. That wouldn't be very nice. I don't like to make people mad. I have a dictation test this morning. Fortunately I'm good at that. This is crazy. I'm putting forth effort. Am I overstudying? Sometimes I think so. Times when I would like to stay out I feel an obligation to study. Then again, if I didn't study I probably wouldn't be too happy with my grades.
2/9/05
Song: Yesterday - Beatles (or rather Paul McCartney)
All these opportunities that I can't take! School keeps getting in the way. And not only school. Something else is in the way too...but I can't worry about that right now. Even aside from that, family comes first.
2/8/05
Song: I Saw the Light
Ok, so I went to Walmart on Sunday and bought a collection of bluegrass music. I haven't listened to it all yet, but I believe it was a pretty good investment. It's missing the Dueling Banjos and Rocky Top, but it makes up for that by including the Tennesee Waltz and I Saw the Light. I finally went bowling last night. The ball went backwards once...Ok, so I'm not very good at it. I had to laugh though. I needed a laugh. I have three tests today and I barely studied for any of them yesterday. I can't find a balance.
2/3/05
Song: With You - Jessica Simpson
Well, whaddayaknow. Yesterday was Groundhog Day. How very monumental. And today is Thursday. Even more amazing. I just love the sarcasm. Ironically today I've reached a medium emotional condition. There's all kinds of potential out there. But as long as I'm moping around I won't see it. I won't say that I'm happy right now. That would be quite an exaggeration. The point is that I'm not so stuck anymore. Just a little bit. It's more of a chewing gum feeling than superglue.
2/2/05
Song: My Own Prison - Creed
??I'm beginning to question my aspiring profession. Business just doesn't seem like a very moral field. My other option is music. However I need to be able to take care of myself should I end up alone. Business is stable. Music isn't. The love of money is the root of all evil. My studies are all about money and wealth. But do I love it? I don't know. I do know one thing: I never want to put my career before family, provided I have a family. 7:31 pm. I believe I've been more upset in the last two hours than I have been in the last two weeks. Sure, I haven't felt well anyway, but I didn't expect to start crying. No wonder I don't have friends. I'm a horrible friend to begin with. I wouldn't like me either if I were you.
2/1/05
Song: Sonatine, Mouvement de Menuet - Ravel
At last the dreaded month is here. Actually the two and a half hours I have been awake have been very good. But February is February. I am stuck. The direction I'm going is a dead end in all probability. I don't really want to, but I have to shift my energy somewhere else. It's for the best.
1/31/05
Song: And So It Goes - Billy Joel
I think there's something wrong with me. I thought I was having fun tonight. But as soon as I stepped out of the building, it's like it was all a play. They even wanted me to stay or at least they said so. I can't help but feel that I had already worn out my welcome.
1/30/05
Song: Who Am I - Casting Crowns
This has been an interesting weekend. No electricity for a day. So I took a nap. I ran down the batteries in the lap top the night before, so I was computerless. But it was pretty outside. Ice everywhere. Icicles. ("I shot my eye out!"-Ralphie) The best part: I didn't have to go to work. I also found out that you can make toast without a toaster. Who knew?
1/27/05
Song: Many a New Day - Oklahoma
First order of business: I believe I need to retitle this page. Not only is it not February, I am also not caffeine free. Frankly, this whole page is depressing (partially because I had to rewrite the whole thing), and with this entry it continues to be depressing. I think I will be relieved when I finally die. I'm scared of dying right now, but like I said, when the time comes, I think I will be glad that it's over. It's like taking a test. It's very nervewracking in the duration, but when you turn the paper in, you know have no more control over the grade you get. It's finalized. All I can do is try right now. Life is hard and it is not fair. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If it was fun, easy, and predictable, I think that many people would have no reason to believe in heaven. It's funny...today a lot of people believe in a heaven, but don't believe in God or hell. And I think more believe in God than hell. Why is it so unbelievable that hell exists? It does. And I assure you that it's much worse than anything that a person could experience here. How do I know? It's in the Bible. I do realize that my life has not been as hard as others. I have been blessed in many ways. I shouldn't complain. But the point is that everybody has problems although they may be of different degrees.
1/26/05
Song: Adonai - Avalon
Nine years and I still haven't progressed. How pathetic. Maybe I haven't tried to change. Well, no, that's not right. I did...once. I looked like an ever bigger fool. So I reverted. And now I'm here doing the same things I was doing at ten years old. Grow up, Rebekah!! Easier said than done. 11:43. Pudding in a tube. They are selling some strange things nowadays. Aside from that, the day is looking brighter than it did this morning. Literally. Yeah, the sun is out. I enjoyed my music class today. I heard an inspiring story. I've known all along that it takes patience, but I admire someone who endured fifty years with patience. I'm becoming impatient at nineteen. That doesn't speak very highly of me.
1/25/05
Song: Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn
I'm lacking a musical instrument in here. I took my keyboard back home. Music is like therapy. And you know, sometimes I think I need therapy. Anyways, I wore my glasses today. That's usually a sure sign that I'm not feeling well. I have horrible vision. When I have glasses on instead of contacts, I only see what I want to see. Selective vision.
1/24/05
Song: Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
I'm lonely today. I don't know why I have these sudden attacks. I don't know exactly what I want. I'm just tired of feeling this way. Like I'm acting all the time when I'm here. It's like people are just being polite when they talk to me. And I have no idea what's wrong with me from their perspective.