8/27/03
I'm expecting that whole sick feeling I always get before the first day of a new school. I won't have Internet access for the next day so please excuse my lack of update. The same questions also arise: Will I survive? Will I have anyone to talk to? The future, as always, is a mystery. Unfortunately unlike the rest of you, I can't be psychic and optimistic. I prefer the route of caution. Don't expect too much. That way you can't be let down.
8/26/03
I don't get something: why do people sue because of "pain and suffering"? What good will money do? Really. This is cliche, but money doesn't buy happiness. Money creates more want. Since when are people suppose to get paid to complain? If I had a dime for every time I complained... Hey look, that's ten cents already.
8/25/03
I was quite amused today. Apparantly I am strange because I voluntarily changed the channel to CNN. Call me old, call me boring, just don't call me Alfonso. (Or Shirley.)I didn't mean for it to be so absurd that the half the auto department was talking about it. Ok, so it doesn't sound that funny. I guess its just one of those things that 'you just had to be there' for.
8/24/03
Today was a bad day. A bunch of things seemed to go wrong and a chicken sandwich made me cry. Yet, I'm not finding this too unusual. I've been known to cry at strange things when I don't feel good. Once it was muffins.
8/23/03
I'm moving tomorrow. It's a bit frightening. Its funny how many things are considered 'essentials' that you don't think about. Well, I'm not feeling so great right now, so I will leave you with these words of wisdom: Irons are hot. Be careful!
8/22/03
I have learned something in the past two days: juggling is harder than it looks. Well, what else am I suppose to do? I haven't started school yet, so I'm just hanging out here trying to find things to do. That reminds me...I probably need to iron today.
8/21/03
It's a lovely shade of grey outside today. I haven't seen much of the sun this summer. Of course, that also could be because I don't go outside much. (That is, besides driving and getting the mail.) My favorite season is the fall. The temperature is just right and I finally get to wear long sleeves. Winter's just a little too cold for me. I may like wearing sweaters but when I have to wear gloves to keep from going numb, its too cold.
8/20/03
Well here I am waiting for FedEx. I suppose I could call it practicing patience. It's a good thing to learn. So I could say this is time well spent.
8/19/03
Happy National Truck Driver's Appreciation Week! I know, I know. I'm late. But it's the thought that counts, right? You know what has occurred to me? I jump to conclusions too easily.
8/18/03
I have a feeling my life is about to change. Next week, that is. Hopefully for the better. Ok, being the same would be fine with me too. Just as long as life doesn't get worse I'll be fine.
8/17/03
The end is near. Don't believe me? Read your Bible.
8/16/03
"As the life of a flower, as a breath or a sigh, so the years that we live as a dream hasten by. True, today we are here, but tomorrow may bring just a grave in the vale and a memory of me."
8/15/03
Are there such people as Melanie Hamiltons and Beth Marchs? If there are, I wish I was one of them. The concept of being Totally selfless, is a really hard one to understand. Maybe one day I will understand it. But until then, I'm human.
8/14/03
Wouldn't you know it. I plan on going shopping and then the brake fluid light comes on. Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. Mechanic!! Update on the annoying red light. The parking brake was on. Ohhhh so that's why. Stupid me.
8/13/03
"As time goes by..."
Watch Casablanca. It's good.
8/12/03
Why would anyone want to create a virus? Its a horrible thing to do! I mean, can't you find a better hobby like...programming computer games? O wait, that's probably what they do anyway. Its all a game, isn't it? Well some people call this life.
8/11/03
I realize that if people actually did read these entries they would think I was a lunatic. Well, I'm not. Maybe life would be easier if I was. Don't worry. I'm quite sober now. Overly sober...
8/10/03
Ok, I'm back. A little bit crazy, but I'm back for the most part. Hmm. What shall I rant about today? Anger management? Body piercings? Ok I pick...Color coordination. Ok people, no matter what fashion magazines say, green and orange totally clash. I mean, Eww. And that is my blonde statement of the day. (No I'm not blonde)
8/9/03
It's time to move on.
8/8/03
I have just been told I was too soft-hearted. Well, Is that a bad thing? Ok, so people generally step all over me, but at least I'm not one of those people who scream at everyone. If someone wants you to go one mile, go with them two.
8/7/03
Sing with me now! "I like to be in Amer-EE-ca, Ok by me in Amer-EE-ca, Everything free in Amer-EE-ca" (and I don't know the rest) la la la la la Amer-EE-ca
8/6/03
All these sappy movies are depressing me. Here I go again. Change of subject. One day I want to record a CD. Write my own songs. That would be So cool. But then again, that's everyone's dream. And I'm not special. But just thinking about it is fun.
8/5/03
It's bad enough when other people deceive you, but when you deceive yourself there's something wrong. I'm not who I thought I was. I really am as stuck up as everyone thinks. I don't want to be. I'm sorry. To anyone who reads this: please forgive me.
8/4/03
Two songs come to my mind right now. "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon and "Angels Rock Me To Sleep." Will this minor depression cease? I think that my dreams are affecting me more than they should.
8/3/03
I don't have much to say today. I'm in a mood. I'm tired. I guess everyone has those days. I don't like being irritable. It just happens.
8/2/03
I had a dream last night that made me realize how angry I am. What is wrong with me? For every action there is a consequence: good or bad. But every time I have to make a decision, it seems to lead me deeper into this hole. Now its so dark I can't tell which way I'm going.
8/1/03
The injury fairy strikes again. This time I burned my hand trying to cook frozen pizza. Or better yet, call me Ice Queen. In the literal sense. Maybe I should live in a bubble.
7/31/03
I must be the clumsiest person in Alabama. I have bad luck with car doors. Ok, I'll explain. First there is the time I accidently shut it on my arm (don't ask). Then there are the two times I hit myself in the side trying to close it. And today, to top it all off, the door decided to hit my face. Now I have a little gash above my eye. How attractive.
7/30/03
I just realized that the last entry sounded like a promo. Eww. My procrastination is catching up with me. I've still got 3 thank you notes from graduation to write. The problem is, I don't know what to say. I've never even met one of them. Oh well.
7/29/03
I LOVE COLLEGE! I surprised myself. It was only Orientation, but I have met so many new people and I'm not as nervous about starting classes now. I guess my main fear was not knowing anyone there. It seems like the older I get, the less shy I am. It took me half a year to relax and be myself at my last school. But one day at orientation, and it was like I already fit in. Maybe its just the reassurance that there are 2000 other people that are in the same situation. As Spongebob says, "I'm ready, I'm ready!"
7/27/03
I think Mexicans have the right idea with Siesta. I�m thinking the USA should adopt this. For some reason they let all the 5 year olds get away with it, but once you get over the age of 7, you get in trouble for it. What�s up with that? I mean, everyone gets sleepy. But then, that�s just My opinion. There are a few insomniacs out there. I must confess I�ve been in that number occasionally.
7/25/03
Sing with me now!
�O Give me a break
Cause I stepped on a snake
And the doctor�s away in Japan
There appears to be swelling
And plenty of yelling
There�s no vaccination at hand.�
I call it �Home Deranged�
7/24/03
Why is it that I keep getting this trapped feeling? Perhaps I�m claustrophobic. Maybe I just had expectations that are impossible. No one can be entirely free. But this is getting ridiculous. It�s like I�m always running and I always run into what I�m running away from. �What are you running away from,� you ask. Well, if I told you, I�m not effectively running away from it, now am I? �Confront it,� you say. That doesn�t work. �She�s talking to herself,� you say. Yes, I am. I�m just crazy that way, you know. =D But it�s all good.
You got a problem with that? �No,� you say. Alrighty then.
7/23/03
Why do people lie? I know �why� to some extent: They think they are protecting themselves or others. But when neither of these is the �reason� (I put this in quotations because there never is a good reason.) why? Is it mental instability? Is it a game? I don�t get it.
7/22/03
As I sat in church tonight, I had an epiphany. I guess it�s an obvious thought, but hadn�t really sunk in until now. Whenever there is a reference to children, I think myself to be in that category. But when I looked around me, I�m no longer there. I�ve always had this illusion that I could be a child anytime I wanted to, but now I find that I�m growing toward the other side. This probably doesn�t make any sense. I guess it would if I was better with words. I finally reached that point when I want to go back, and now when childhood is almost over, I don�t know if I could.
7/21/03
It�s a beautiful summer�s day and I want to go outside. But once I got there, the question would be �what would I do?� Just going out to get the mail was scary enough. A bee was dive-bombing at me. In case you didn�t know, I don�t get along well with bugs.
7/20/03
I feel really tired and stressed today. Everything startles me. Usually I don�t have that much of a temper, but I seem to be getting mad at stupid little things. (I still blame the pudding). I also find myself to be gullible. What made me miserable during the last month of school never existed. I�m relieved in a way, though. What I learned from this: Some people never change.
7/19/03
I�ve been living off of pudding these past few days. It seems that something is making me forgetful and disoriented. Therefore, I blame the pudding. The thing that bothered me the most today is not being able to sing at church. It was painful enough trying to talk. Perhaps I�ll learn a life-long lesson from this: �Stay Away From The Pudding.�
7/18/03
Looking back on what I�ve written, I�ve decided that I�m not very pleasant to be around. Pathetic, huh? That�s something I�ve always wondered: What am I really like? I want to be the kind of person that people look up to. One day I want to be able to say that I made a difference in someone�s life. So many people have already made a difference in mine and I just wish I could repay them.
7/17/03
I always had this illusion that people would learn from mistakes. Yesterday proved me wrong. I don�t mind listening, but since I�m the one who always gets caught in the middle, I am really getting tired of it. Maybe I should just get my own 1-800 number. One thing I have to say: If you�re going to ask me for advice, at least listen to what I have to say.
7/16/03
So many things are happening. Somehow I�m not overwhelmed. Everything just seems to be revealing itself. And I don�t like the truth.
7/15/03
Isn�t it cool how God makes everything turn out right? It�s always from an angle you don�t expect. Today I took a trip to the past. It�s funny: it�s really not that different. Yes, technology changes, but a lot of little things tend to parallel the previous generation. There are things that time can�t change. That�s what I hang on to. The hard part is letting go of everything else.
7/14/03
The best way to confront my current dilemma is to ignore it. Yes, I know that everyone would call that denial, but just trust me on this one: it needs to be ignored. This puts me in an awkward position. I can�t talk about it. Normally I wouldn�t have a problem about not talking, but now that I Can�t, I want to. Perhaps I�ll forget about it. Oh and by the way, Happy Bastille Day!
