afterglow it was..
it must of just been the afterglow i guess.. hate when i have dreams like that and they make me think i may like someone.. anyhow that's always a good thing cause i didn't really want to like this person again.. but the real test of the liking thing is gonna probably happen on thursday.. see i am gonna go to circuit city and see if my feelings for that chick still flow.. i really hope not though cause if they do i'll have to kill her, lol.. but the problem is she is gorgeous.. and she has a hold on me which i don't understand.. i melt whenever i see her and hear her voice.. anyhow on a lighter note my dad installed the front speakers of my old car to the newer one.. so now the sound is much better.. hopefully he will install the back ones this week and maybe go over to his friend who knows how to install radios and have my cd player hooked up to the car too.. i can't wait either cause i hate the radio.. nothing good is ever playing on it and when there is the songs are repeated over and over again and that is just too annoying for me to handle...the dream i had last night..
so i had this dream last night.. fairly odd and out of nowhere really. see i was looking for someone in my dream, well the person who the dream revolved around. well and when i did find her and stuff we kept hugging each other & then kissed.. well in the dream we kissed several times for long periods of time.. i was in exatasy in my dream.. when i woke up from the dream though i didn't even remember much and fell back asleep, till finally this morning i woke up and then BAM! i remembered the dream and i was confused.. cause well i started feeling weird and stuff.. i liked the dream but does that mean that i like that chick now, again? yeah again.. i used to like her a while back but i didn't even think about her like that until that dream i had.. the kiss was incredible but i know that nothing will come of it in real life.. i don't want anything to come of it.. so yeah i'm sort of confused now.. i don't really know if i like her again, i hope i don't cause if i do i don't want to feel the pain i did when i first did like her and stuff.. i just don't know why i dreamt that me and her kissed.. i haven't thought about her like that at all lately or even spend much time thinking of her.. i do chat with her online but that's about it.. just as friends and i don't want to ruin that ever.. so my dilemma is that if i like her again then i'm in big trouble.. lets just hope it's just a dream afterglow and that after it's gone so will my feelings for her.. but only time will tell, i'll keep you all posted on that as the events unfold...no rain..
hello everyone, so after a rain filled day yesterday today turned out to be a dry day.. what's odd though is that today was supposed to rain a lot, supposedly at least an inch of rain, i guess yesterday's rain took out that possibility.. but that's always a good thing, now i hope tomorrow turns out not to be rainy as well that way i can drive without having to get wet and all.. i don't know how people love rain, i honestly think it's an inconvenience especially if you have to drive in it...rainy saturday..
hello everyone, so today has been a rainy day.. hasn't stopped raining since this morning.. i hate the rain cause well it is just sooo damn annoying.. but what can i do? i've been watching the nfl draft today and that's been ok.. nothing else to do but watch it.. i aint gonna be going out in the rain if there is no reason to. especially since i can get in an accident and i really don't need that right now.. i'm still trying to deal with my insomnia.. 3 days without a real nights sleep and i think it's getting to me.. maybe tonight will be different, i hope...my new car..
hello everyone, well i officially have a new car now.. see my old oldsmobile died and stuff.. the engine that is.. so i have a better oldsmobile, different make and all but runs good and is an 89 my old one was an 87.. this car is blue and runs really good so that's a good thing.. that's really all i've got on the mind.. i've been without a car since tuesday afternoon which was a bummer but got this one for 800 bucks so that's at least a good price for what it's worth.. hopefully this car won't fuck up like the other usually did.. if it does then i'm surly gonna have to shoot myself or someone else...beach tomorrow, maybe not..
hello everyone, what's up? nothing much here, just wanted to say that i was gonna go to the beach tomorrow with mercy,her husband, my nephew & niece, christy & mom. but guess at what time lazaro wants to go? 10 a.m. are you kidding me? we won't be able to get anywhere to sit and a barbecue.. plus when they get there it will probably be like noon and well what's the point really of going? oh well maybe tomorrow will turn out groovy anyhow, if not then oh well...a starting point..
hello peeps, as you can see i changed the logo and color background of site.. i know it's not a new design or anything but i have to get my juices flowing somehow and that's how i figured i'd start.. maybe tomorrow i'll add something or whateva, i'm just gonna see how it goes and if my inspiration drives me to do some more.. i might add a new section about dreams i have and stuff but i'm not sure yet.. plus i'm also working on the side project of mine and jimi called the axiom and it's gonna have cool things so wait for that in the coming month...thoughts that don't fade...
hello peeps, nothing much on this side just wanted to express my opinions on a few matters.. gotta say that bali hali clove cigs rule.. well that's not the matter i wanted to talk about but just adding that in there.. also there's this cool website coke music and it's fun as heck.. you get to have ur own place and furnish it and well just take a look and see what i mean.. well i still like that damn chick.. we know who i'm talking about.. i can't get that damn chick out of my mind... i swear i don't know what to do about it.. i've tried not going to circuit city and avoid confrontation but still no use.. she's always there and now whenever i go there i see her even though i don't want to cause it just makes me like her more for some stupid reason.. i honestly don't want to like her anymore but my stupid brain or whateva doesn't let me move on.. i know the chick isn't gay in any way but i guess i can't make my brain understand that fact or maybe it doesn't want to.. whateva the case is it sucks.. but i'm sure one day i'll stop liking her just hope it's soon...my nephew...
hello peeps, nothing much to rant or talk about today.. saw my nephew junior and stuff and that's about it.. he's sooo adorable, love him to death.. if i ever would of had a kid or wanted to which i don't i would love it to of been him.. it's like i have such a great connection with him and vice versa.. when he's older i hope that connection gets stronger but who knows how he'll turn out.. might be a brat or something but i'll try to insure he values things and doesn't judge others cause of the way they look but how they are spiritually.. and well if he still won't establish that in his self well i'll just have to stuff it down his throat till he gets it, lol...depression sucks..
hello peeps out there in cyber land.. let me start off by wishing the lead singer of 311, nick hexum a happy b-day!!! now on a lighter note let me say that fast times at ridgemont high was actually a cool movie.. it was just a bit surprising that it was good cause well not all movies about high school are good and stuff but this one was so props to kevin for recommending it.. well now to the title of this blog.. yes depression sucks and yes i have had a big bout with it recently.. i think i might need help this time.. doctor prescribing pills or something cause nothing i used to do makes me happy anymore.. not even the simplest things like visiting my niece and nephew.. but honestly to tell you the truth i'm scared... i'm scared of going to the doctor and him telling me that something is wrong with me.. that i do need to take pills for this condition and that i will always have to cause i have some crappy imbalance inside my brain that is only balanced by taking pills... i'm also scared of never being happy without the aid of medication.. i guess i'm asking for too much... i just don't want to feel this way anymore.. day in and day out with this huge dark black cloud over my brain or body or wherever it is.. is it too much to ask to want to be happy just because i'm alive? i don't think so but that's not up to me, it's up to my whole self to either find that happiness again or drain my body in pills till i'm singing happy happy joy joy...it was just a minor relapse..
hello peeps out there in cyber land.. well i can say that yesterday's "liking" of "her" must of just been some kind of relapse that i had or something cause today i don't feel as i like her all that much really.. i guess a lack of nutrition smarted me out a bit.. yeah i fasted yesterday and i haven't eaten anything since like 5 on wednesday.. i've drank gatorade and soda but those are liquids and well don't count when fasting.. so now i'm 80% over her.. maybe i'll get fully over her soon.. plus i do sort of like one of the chicks in my class but i don't know if she's gay.. she looks as if she is & the way she looks at me seems like she wants me to notice her more and stuff but i don't know what to do.. i'll just let it play out and see if i can make a move or not in the coming weeks which is really all i have left with her in that class.. anyhow i rented fast times at ridgemont high and hope it is good.. i've always wondered about that movie if it was funny or not and then my friend kevin tells me that it's really good and funny so i'm taking his word for it.. he's been right about a few movies he's recommended so that's why i rented it and plan on watching it tonight.. if it sucks i'll just bitch at him till forever, sounds like a plan, right? ha.. we'll see...i think i still like her..
hello everybody.. so what's up? nothing much here.. you know i think i still like "her". yeah we all know who i'm talking about.. but what can i do? i was like getting over that whole thing when yesterday it happened! nothing big really but i saw her yesterday and well those weird feelings and thoughts came racing in again.. urg.. i hate when stuff like that happens but what can i do really? i guess i have to start from scratch again and forget that i could ever like her.. see i don't recall saying that well she's not straight, she can't be.. in fact she's like engaged or something like that.. but urg.. it just gets to me that my damn soul likes her.. yes it's my soul not anything else.. she's not even like gorgeous.. heck i'm sure if any of you saw her you'd think i'm just blind for liking her or for thinking she's beautiful which i think she most definitely is.. anyways i really have to stop liking her for my sake cause if i don't i'll just go insane or something.. i know i can get over her, heck i almost did.. i was on the brink of a breakthrough but got side tracked again.. no biggie though i'll get over it and if not i can always rant about it here or to anyone who will listen...it's blah outside..
hello everybody.. so what's up? nothing much here.. damn the weather is sucky outside.. some stupid cold front is supposed to pass through today, not that it's gonna get cold but it's all drisslely and blahish outside.. i hate gloomy weather... don't get me wrong i detest heat but i rather it be sunny outside with no clouds and in the 60's than dark, humid and 80... but whateva i can't control the weather so i should shut up about it... you know i've been wondering if i should slip down into 96 pounds again... i know that's below my "normal" weight but i don't know i really enjoyed weighing 96 when i did.. and i'm not anorexic as some might think but i just don't think weighing 104 is the best thing in the world.. that's what i'm supposed to weigh, the least i should weigh actually, for my height and stuff but i like 96.. guess cause that's the year i graduated from high school or something.. right now i'm at about 100 pounds so i really need 4 pounds to get to that but it's really tough.. i know i won't get there again probably but i really rather be at 96 than 100.. plus my clothes fit nicer or so i think...daddy's b-day!
finally!!!
hello everybody.. as you can all see i've finally figured out how to fix my css... now i can finally do what i wanted to do which was make a newer site or whateva.. but that won't come till probably may.. but now i can if i wanted to since i figured out that i was a dumb ass and had some html fucked up that wouldn't let me control my css... so i feel better about my site now.. ::whips forehead:: damn i've still got the magic touch, lol.. i swear i had totally forgotten this stuff, i guess cause it's been so long since i've played around with the site in general and color schemes.. well now that i'm feelin great i'll leave it at that...urg!
hello everybody.. it's been a while since i've blogged but i haven't had anything good to talk about.. though me & lisa went to red lobster today and i had me some lobster pizza, pretty yummy.. had some other stuff too but not of importance.. you know though, i did give blood yesterday.. it was cool, near my house too.. well maybe tomorrow i'll have more to blog about but now since i'm trying to remember how to work style sheets i'm gonna be cranky till i can figure it out once again...