A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read:
"The Resurrection is postponed."
When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays", the church reciprocated with its own message:
"We are open on Sundays, too."
"Come and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
On a church door:
"This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance."
"Church Parking - For Members Only! Trespassers will be baptized."
"No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."
"Free Trip to Heaven! Details inside."
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the
Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads:
"For fast relief, take two tablets."
"People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know
how strong they are."
"Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."
"Dusty Bibles lead to dirty lives."
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is unlikely there will be a reduction in the wages of sin."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
"A ch__ch is a church when (U R) in it."
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
"Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
"God only accepts knee-mail."
"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."
"How will you spend eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?"
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here."
"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
