10/19/00

so, hi. i'm apparently not very good at this routine-everyday writing thing. bear with me?  

this time tomorrow i’m going to be sandwiched in the backseat of my parents’ pinkish-gold station wagon between my lil sis and mom, alternately being hugged and kissed as we coo out our windows at the mountain foliage. there are signs of summer’s death throughout the campus, but nothing makes you quite aware of it like being thrust in the midst of a million different colors; colors that clearly weren’t there nine weeks ago as my friends drove me to college, red-eyed and smiling wryly. i lost count of how many times i told myself, “just try and make the best of it...” on that trip. and now there are all these new colors, not just on the trees, but inside of me, too. i’m painted different shades from experience and knowledge and new perspectives. i just hope that my friends like the new colors and can see that under the layers, i’m still the same old me.  

i keep meaning to tell you about the tree outside my window. it was the first tree i saw that revealed autumn was seeping into the mountains, twinges of pale orange lacing its veined leaves. slowly, persistent against our crazy alternating weather, it turned to more fiery pigments until finally it stood as a proud sphere of apricot . when the wind sighs and the leaves shift, it reminds me of a sunset mirage, melting into the horizon.  

it’s a perfect tree to kiss someone under.  

i’ve been thinking about my “ex” entirely too much. i haven’t determined yet whether it’s because i actually miss our “relationship” or because hormones are getting the better of me. there’s this scene that frequently plays through my head in which the ex and i see each other at a party, and manage to isolate ourselves from everyone else. after a while, we go outside to talk and i end up asking for a kiss. we’ll see if i actually choose to play it out when i see the ex this weekend when i go back home...i’ll keep you posted.  

my loan hasn’t come through yet (no surprise) so instead of being more or less broke for my weekend back home, i took out an emergency loan...to cover the expenses of necessities, of course. it was supposed to have been in yesterday, but things being as they are, it was processed late and didn’t come in till today. i had almost forgotten all about it, thursdays being busy days for me after all, but i managed to remember after soc class. i wasn’t sure what time students accounts closed, but 4pm seemed like an inconvenient and therefore likely time, and being that it was already 3:49, i booked my ass over there.   on the way out of my dorm, there were two little kids (i’m guessing about age seven) playing on the steps. one was an adorable asian boy that could have been cut and pasted right out of an anime and the other was a little caucasion girl who must have gotten into her mother’s makeup: uneven globs of white powder dusted across her face, blue eighties-flashback eye shadow surpassing her eyebrows, bright pink lipstick crayoned on. as i passed them, they leaned over and whispered into each other’s small ears obviously, as children do when they’re old enough to grasp the concept of secrecy but not old enough to understand how to put it into effect. i heard something about “holes in her face!” and “rainbow brite hair!” as i trotted down the stairs; i just smiled to myself. on the way back into the building, my two hundred and fifty dollars of debt secured in my hand, i saw them again. this time they were watching me out of the corners of their eyes. i went over and spoke to them; they sheepishly replied and smiled big as i referred to them as ma’am and sir. precious.  

at work, top 20 radio stations are inflicted upon us. as if it’s not bad enough to be scrubbing grime off of pots and pans for hours, we also get to endure listening to britney spears, n’sync, and matchbox 20 over and over and over and over and over again. so, i was caught off guard today when snow’s “informer” started blaring its way across the soapy, puddled floors, marinara sauce stained aprons and dilapidated bril-o pads. you do remember that song, right? it was a white-boy-doing-a-rasta-summer-jam of the early nineties. i don’t remember the specifics, but the video for the tune incorporated a lot of blank white backdrops, fluorescent colors and muscle spasm dancing that was common in that era. the song had been an especially big hit at the skating rink i went to obsessive amounts of times as a preteen. they used to play it whenever the freestyle skate time started and all my friends and i would hit the floor, our overly hair sprayed bangs blowing into our faces, the glow sticks that were attached to our skate laces flashing. as i heard it again for the first time in years at work today, i could have sworn i felt myself rolling, as if i were still on those wheels.  

things i have not learned since coming to college:  

how to not procrastinate
how to not get in heated debates about religion and/or politics
how to sleep on a regular schedule
how to not offend people with my smartass sense of humor
how to be punctual to work
how to wash and completely dry for clothes for under 3 bucks
how to write to my family & friends back home
how to change toilet paper rolls
how to keep my fingernail polish from chipping after two hours of wear
how to not grow out of my hair dying phase (different tones of purple and turquoise at the moment--like misfits’ logos)  

things i have learned since coming to college:

how to run down stairs
how reduce the amount of swearing in my speech
how to wear a purse
how to frivolously waste money on ebay
how to ... um, i don’t guess i’ve learned very much  

in sociology class we viewed a video on what was supposed to be a shocking, eye-opening look at a town full of substance abuse, promiscuousness, senseless violence, and unnerving superficiality. the whole time we were watching it, all i could think of was how much it reminded me of home, sweet, home - danville. so why am i so excited about going back there this weekend? “it’s a nice place to visit, but i wouldn’t want to live there.”