So how come nothing spectacular ever happens to me? A co worker got some awesome flowers delievered to her from an unknown admirer. Boy was i jealous! How come i dont have shit like that happen to me? My life is so predictable you can set a watch by it! The highlight of my day is staring at the phone hoping it rings! (thanks twintwit for the call!) I'm so boring that i'm sure when someone does finally propose, it will be while i'm sitting on the toilet or something (as u can see i'm wallowing in self pity here..allow me, i'm just jealous!)..oh ok i lied..something unexpected happened to me yesterday morning...someone called me at 7am (just when i was squeezing my last few seconds of sleep) and played me a song..and hung up without saying a word. There's only one person who would do that...and to that person i say kiss my bubblebutt(literally)! i mean kiss it...really!! not as an insult..but kiss it kiss it for real, and while u're kissing it, can u kiss the coochie too? (ok i'll admit it, i'm as horny as hell...so how abt u call me and we have some awesome sex and say fuck u to the rest of the world?!!) I promise i aint mad at you for waking me up. By the way, hows the arm?
I need to see a shrink. I get horny when i'm stressed. Is that normal? The person i end up marrying will be a very lucky man. Any time we fight i'll screw him silly!
Speaking of sex..i hear my biological clock ticking. I've been thinking about babies recently. I've even started watching baby shows on TV. Of course it doesnt help when u are the only one of your fathers children who hasnt started dropping babies. My eldest sister's daughter just had a baby a few weeks ago, so my dad is now a great-grandfather. Gee, even my niece beat me to it! It doesnt help matters much that i'm 4 years older than her! So now every letter i get from my daddy begins with "so am i not going to see my grandchild from my favorite daughter before i die?) My mother just subtly reminds me that by the time she was my age, she'd already finished having children! I know that the virgin Mary was able to conceive immaculately, but that particular miracle hasn't been repeated since as far as i know. And since right now i dont have a sperm donor, i guess the old folks will have to wait a little bit longer for a grandchild. (any offers?)
Still on the topic of sex...(how did i start talking about sex in the first place? wasnt this supposed to be a gripefest?)...I really want to have sex on my birthday. (ahem..yeah with u!! i know u're reading this) I think i'm getting the female equivalent of blue balls. DIY doesnt work anymore u know? It just makes it worse.
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