by
Anaphalis
Summary: Saturos knew he should have become a shopkeeper. Inuyasha X Golden Sun crossover. Parody. And, depending on how you feel about crack!pairings and OOC behavior, Horror. One Shot.
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Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Shonen Jump. Brushes on this page courtesy of Pure Anodyne.
A/N: For Numisma
A/N2: Yes- this was a bit of a copout to avoid characterization issues. You have no idea how confused I became after reading the fics on FF.Net. And I had to do a minor shout-out to your beautiful afterlife fic. I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist :)
Of course there was a lot of wailing.
And overwhelming pain.
But the shrieking frog that kept popping in and out was amusing.
And he couldn't complain about the very attentive woman with the face makeup and the long sword-
Wait a second...
Oh shit.
Where the fuck was Menardi when he needed her?
And come to think of it- why would a frog be showing up in hell?
"You look lost."
The woman behind him was beautiful in a my-life-has-been-a-tragedy kind of way.
"This isn't what I'd expected."
She stared at him until he started to shift uncomfortably.
"You don't belong here."
As he looked around at the strangely dressed, not-really-human looking inhabitants, he had to agree.
He was about to ask why they were the only two humans in the place when he realized that the black-haired lovely in front of him was wearing some kind of strange, baggy pantsuit and loose top.
He didn't know any woman who would wear something that didn't show their chest or legs.
She had to be some kind of monster too.
Worst of all, he was basically defenseless.
Somehow he didn't think his fire attacks were going to be any more impressive than the huge eruptions going on around him. It wasn't as if he didn't feel emasculated enough already.
But that wasn't important.
What was important was that he had to get away from the monster in front of him. The gorgeous, luscious-lipped monster...
Who let out a sigh of... irritation?
"Not another one of those."
For some reason, he suddenly felt very cold when she looked at him.
"You don't happen to know the one named Kefka do you?"
His puzzled expression seemed to make her thaw marginally.
"You haven't seen a woman named Menardi have you?"
He felt a small jolt of pain when she shook her head. Or maybe that was the spirit imps trying to pull out his intestines.
"I don't think I�m in the right place... I mean this is nice and all but-"
She waved her hand. "No, you probably aren't. We've had a few of you show up- as far as we can tell it's entirely related to how much makeup you wear or how er... pretty you are."
"Pretty? What kind of reason is that?"
"Enough reason for him to use the immense energy of his er... sword to bring you here."
The heavily made up 'woman' with the long sword waved.
He tried very hard to suppress a whimper.
"Why did I keep trying to light those flames? I would have been quite happy to sell items but nooo... Menardi wanted to make a stupid wish-"
"Your lover wanted to make a stupid wish too?"
He looked over at the beautiful monster, suddenly feeling a lot more hopeful.
"Yes. I mean why can't they come up with good wishes?"
Suddenly the woman in front of him looked almost animated.
"I know. It was always 'I want to become a full demon' followed by 'I'll kill you now, priestess.'"
And suddenly she stopped, looking deeply into his eyes.
His lower brain started to perform a strange 'victory dance' inside his head. Who cared if she was a monster? She looked Mercury-affiliated and a Mercury-affiliate could do the most incredible things with an Ice Missile/Pure Ply combo. And he was definitely all about the hurt/comfort.
As he'd been mentally drooling, they'd started walking and the woman's arm had been snaked through his. When she looked up at him, he felt a warm glow. Probably from the massive explosions. But still...
"So tell me, how do you feel about prolonged revenge plots and single-minded devotion to a goal? Oh... and spirit assisted bondage?"
Hell was definitely looking up.
-End-
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