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The following is a bit of text from the original message:

"Help.  Sisters, I'm discouraged and unsure what to do.  I should probably do nothing, and maybe this isn't something I should be asking your help with, but give me your thoughts."

First and foremost, you are the RS President, and as such, you have been given not only the authority but the ability to lead the sisters under your stewardship.  There is a "mantle" that goes along with the calling, and it would seem that some of the "old timers" are not willing or able for some reason to acknowledge that you are the one who has the responsibility for the final decisions.  When you stand before them, do so with authority, both feet planted firmly on the ground, not "resting" on one foot or the other, or "pacing" as you speak unless it is to address various sections  of your "audience".  Shakespeare said it best....suit the action to the word s, the words to the actions.  Body language does count!  You will feel much more confident than you are if you make them THINK you are confident grin.

I can see where an experience such as you describe would shake your confidence to it's very foundations.  My basic instinct, not knowing the sisters involved, would be to say you need an new education counselor.

With all of the new "talent" in the ward, there should be someone who would be suitable.  Was this sister part of the previous presidency?  If so, do does she think things should be done "the way we always do/have done them"???

Prayerful consideration on your part is necessary, so that you can let the counselors know what YOU wish their focus to be.  Again, confidence, confidence, confidence is the only way to make this happen.  Remember, Heavenly Father chose YOU for this stewardship of all of the women in the ward.  So, whether you realize it yet or not, you do have the answer to this problem, and/or the ability to find and implement it!

 Do you have an organized approach to visiting (as a presidency) each sister in her own home???  Nothing draws a sister in like a visit from her whole presidency.  And nothing gives you a better feel for what is going on in that home like a presidency visit.  Make it a goal to visit at least one sister a week.  Choose a day/evening of the week that is good for both counselors and yourself, and have them commit to making these visits.  If it is always the same day of the week, you might go evening one week for  a sister who works, daytime the next for one who does not.  If possible, try and schedule 2 visits, but I wouldn't go more than that in one outing or you may loose your enthusiasm, your "edge" by the time you get to the 3rd sister!

At your next presidency meeting (are you having them weekly???? Sounds like you need to!) lay down the guidelines.  Require that your counselors reread the handbook and perhaps the welfare handbook as well.  Tell them what you expect of them and make the assignments you wish them to carry.  They can then immediately feel your leadership.  Don't say that you feel as though you don't know anything about your calling, or that you feel less than adequate.  That not only lessens your confidence, but does not inspire them to look to you for leadership.

Ask them to think about their responsibilities after they reread the handbook and to set their own personal goals, IN WRITING, (and turn them  in to you) for their callings for the new year.  I know that we will be getting new handbooks, but if you don't have yours yet, tell them to start with the old one.  Tell them they won't have it much longer, so you want them to review the contents to get a better feel for what their focus for the new year will be.  After all, when we leave this life, we won't have our scriptures to refer to anymore, we will only have what we remember from them, or what we have gleaned from them.  The new handbooks are sure to be LESS specific information, not more.

Have kneeling prayer at every presidency meeting.  Ask them to fast with you when you have matters of the sisters in your stewardship that needs fasting.  Of course, confidentiality is a must, as I am sure you know!  If one of your counselors is "aligned" with the "old guard" you must be sure that nothing, even the fact you have discussed lack of friendshipping in your presidency meeting, become an item for gossip.

You may want to take your concern to your bishop.  A recommendation to him might be to have a ward "getting to know you" activity in January, sponsored by the ward activity committee or the Relief Society, but for t he whole ward. Perhaps the YM and YW could provide child care  as a service project, and it could be an adult activity.  If so, perhaps the childcare could be on an "as needed" basis, and be done in the members' home.  There is an excellent outline for this type of getting to know you activity in the activity handbook, that can be used as a starting point and modified to make it more meaningful to your particular ward.

 I hope this helps, and that others will have more ideas for you!  I am anxiously awaiting the responses from others!!

Roseann in Virginia

I think several of the responses to your situation have been really well put.  I'm not sure if I would ask for the ED counselor to be released.  I think I would pray very fiercely about the situation.  Then I think I'd speak with her privately and without rancor or anger ask her to become part of your team.  To accept you as leader, and acknowledge your authority as RS President.  Then and only then would I suggest that you consider replacing her.

I would also suggest that you employ one of the conflict resolution techniques if ever again you need to have someone instruct that seems to be on an opposite pole from the message you want presented.  Ask them to state the problem or idea to the satisfaction of the other side from their point of view.  Follow up with a mid-week one on one visit or call to cement the presentation format.  That still gives you time to change the instructor if need be.  Don't hesitate to kindly tell them why--to tell them that as President you strongly feel that the Lord wants the message delivered in a certain manner and you don't want to place undue burden on them asking them to present an idea they cannot or will not support.

And don't hesitate to say, "Sister ED (or whoever), I need you to present the meeting as we discussed.  If you feel that just won't work for you, I'll try to find someone else, but I know this is what the Lord wants our sisters to hear."  And yes, its okay to thank a sister for her comments and say but I just didn't get a chance to finish my remark.  Then suggest that others that have not had an opportunity to speak should now be given a chance.  If you and your presidency have chosen to sit together in front of the class, it will remind them of your authority and responsibility as the president in a non-verbal manner.

You do have quite a dilemma on your hands and I think I can speak for many of us - We sympathize!!!  This is something that should not be happening in the Lord's Church. But the reality is - it does - we are all human - And are at different levels of Spirituality in our Lives.  So sometimes peoples hearts get trampled!  I appreciate the other comments made to you.  I want to add just a few more:

It is VERY necessary to try to help ALL feel welcome in a Ward - I don't think anyone would disagree with that even in your Ward.  Maybe you could make a brief statement (after making it a matter of prayer) at the beginning of RS next Sunday.  Commenting that you love all these dear sisters and are grateful for their many strengths.  And want to remind them that since so many are new in your Ward to please put their arms around each other and make them all feel welcome and at home.  The Savior would want us to love one another at all times - Just like HE loves us.  Maybe you could do a "Secret Sister" month where sisters draw names and give to each other anonymously until the last gift is shared.  This can be simple but thoughtful!   Maybe even something easy like some loving sisters assigned to stand as greeters at the door of the Relief Society Room - So no one comes or goes without an expression of love and caring.

I feel that we can solve almost any problem by employing LOVE.  Yes, you might do better with another counselor - but she may be absolutely wonderful given some gentle nudgings toward loving each other.  The most important thing you can do as a President is to be a good example of unconditional love and caring for all the sisters.  Divisions over hurt feelings or needing to stand your ground - will only separate - not bring together.

Our family has lived in the same home for 20 years and have been in several blended Wards.  Boundaries have changed, Wards have been dissolved - people have been brought in and have been moved out.  It is always a period of adjustment.  Having some thoughtful Ward activities help.  A progressive dinner was very successful here.  Dividing into groups and going to appetizer homes then on to soup or salad homes - then gathering in larger groups for the main course or even then meeting at the building for the main course or dessert.  We found that once people got to know each other they could better understand each other - therefore love each other. Mixing everyone up is essential - it takes some work - Your Bishopric should be well informed and probably all ready are worried.  So if everyone gets involved - it should help.

Contention comes from the adversary!  Love comes from the Savior!  The Lord will help you to know what to do and remember to counsel with your Bishop! My prayers will be with you.  The Lord will help you!!!