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I hope it is helpful! Love, Roseann in VA ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About 20 years ago, our home burned to the ground.  We saved absolutely nothing.  The children didn't even have shoes or clothes.  It was two weeks before school started.  We had a tiny baby and four other children. Everyone escaped injury, but barely.  We lost our pet dog.   To say it was a difficult thing is truly an understatement.  Through a mix up with the insurance agent, we ended up having no insurance to replace the house or our belongings.  To say that I'd ever choose that 'opportunity' for growth again would certainly take a bigger person than I am, but I can truly say that each of our family members is a stronger person because of it.  I saw a different side of compassion and giving than I was used to. I was used to being the giver and to have to assume the role of receiver was not an easy role reversale.  We saw everything from generosity beyond description to a lot of callousness on the part of many of our 'friends'.  At such times of crisis, you can certainly see who is your true friends.

Some of the things that helped were:

a. hugs and sincere "I'm sorry".  No one could fix it and we didn't expect them to.  Just a note or call that they were thinking of us helped so much.

b. Offers to let us stay in their homes temporarily but without pressure.  Just one kind invitation was enough.

c. Small gifts of such things as a few things out of their food storage.  We had no money and we had no food.

d. Used clothing so that our children could attend school with something to wear.  We were past pride but we still wanted our children dressed to be respected.

e. Offerings of extra furniture, beddings, dishes, even cast aways were most appreciated.

f. Small monetary gifts.  Remember we had nothing and even a $1.00 gift was a godsend.

g. One of the most memorable helps was a gift from another church group.  It was filled with such things (all used) as: pencils, tablets, paper clips, crochet hooks, knitting needles, thread and needle, stationary, envelopes, thumb tacks, pliars and screwdrives, nails, etc.

h. Those who gathered up pictures of our children or other things of interest to us and gave them to us.  To this day, those are the only pictures we have of our children as babies and young children.  Thank heavens I was one who loved pictures of my children and tried to send often to friends and family.

i. One friend had kept all the letters I'd sent to her.  She returned them so that I could have some kind of a journal from the 'lost' days.

j. Used children's toys.  The fire was so hot that it actually melted all of the children's outside toys.  My daughter lost all of her beloved dollies.  Even another little girls worn out and castaway dolly was much appreciated.  We didn't care what condition any of the toys were-trucks without wheels were far better than what they presently had.

What didn't help but actually hurt:

a. Those who told us we should be so grateful that no one lost their
lives.  I had to bite my tongue to respond that they should be so grateful that they had a home to go to.

b. Ragged, dirty, stained clothing with no regard as to the sexes and ages and sizes of our children.  Shoes with big holes in them or mismatched shoes.

c. Those who "insisted" that we needed to let others take different ones of our children.  We needed to be together as a family and the children did not want to be separated from us or each other.

d. Those who told us they knew what we were going through because their sister's brothers cousin's in-laws lost their home to a fire. No, no one knew exactly what we were going through and we didn't feel like explaining it.  We didn't expect anyone to know our emotions.

e. Those who told us what we should have done differently.

f. Those who acted like nothing had happened in our lives.

g. Those who brought clothes for our children to 'borrow' until we could get our own.  We had no money-we had no way to get our children anything.  Trying to keep track and protect their loan was more trouble than the good it did.

The bottom line is, it doesn't matter so much what you do as long as you do something or say something.  Look around your house or watch yourself for even 15 minutes at the things you have and take for granted.  Now imagine that you have absolutely NOTHING-not a house, not clothes, not a single thing.  It is something that one can't possibly imagine unless you have been there but other's caring thoughts are what helped us get through.
 As a postlude to this tragedy-the Lord has blessed us abundantly.  I now look around my spacious and lovely home and see all of the things we have accumulated in the years hence that dreadful day.  I will never again take for granted the things I love tho.  I know that they can be removed from me in a few second's time.  I am grateful for the opportunity tho of seeing how someone can be destitute and homeless through no fault of their own.

We all learned a lot of compassion and to be less judgmental of others circumstances.  The Lord will bless your friend-of that I have no doubt.  But please don't tell her to be patient and that the Lord will take care of her.  That is painful to hear at such a time.

Please forgive me for the length of this posting.  It is something dear to my heart and difficult to edit to something shorter.
Ethleen