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A Tale of Two Americans Visiting Canada
or
How Stumpers Got Her Groove Back
or
There's Something About Nightems
or
Next Time Ren is Coming to OUR Country, Damnit! |
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Princess Ren |
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Stumpers |
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Nightems |
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Once upon a time, in a land not so far as you might imagine, there lived a young woman named Stumpers. On the particular morning in which our tale began, Stumpers was very excited. Why? Because her friend Nightems was on her way to the house at that very moment, driving in her SUV all the way from Michigan, and as soon as she arrived, they were going to take Stumpers' car all the way up to a whole other country!
This other country to which they were traversing was known as Canada. It sounds exotic, I know, but don't worry. Both Nightems and Stumpers had been there before and were familiar with some of the foreigners' strange customs. And besides, they were going there to visit a mutual friend, the Princess Ren. Oh, how exciting this journey was going to be! Stumpers could hardly keep herself from peeing her pants just thinking about it! |
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Finally, mid-afternoon, Nightems arrived at Stumpers' house. They greeted each other with all the joy that one can imagine, upon greeting someone you've known for 2 1/2 years but never met in person. Stumpers was not going to initiate a hug, because Nightems always said in Chatland that she didn't "do" hugging... but Stumpers was happy when Nightems opened up her arms and allowed herself to be hugged. |
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After transferring Nightems' things from her SUV to Stumpers' car, they were off for the land of Canada. Seven hours and many cigarettes and sodas and exchanged conversations later... Stumpers and Nightems reached the Canadian border. As the car approached the back of the line, Nightems said, rather excitedly, "Put your cigarette out! Hurry! Now, before they catch it on camera!" Stumpers quickly threw her just-lit cigarette out the window just before the car came to a halt behind a car claiming owners from "Friendly Manitoba." Stumpers secretly hoped this was true.... |
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As their car approached the box with the Canadian Border Patrol inside, Nightems said to Stumpers, "Don't laugh. It'll look suspicious." So Stumpers tried not to laugh. And then Nightems started laughing. "Don't tell me not to laugh and then laugh!" she said to Nightems. They noticed then that about 50 mosquitos had entered the car, and began swatting at them where they swarmed against the windshield. They laughed hard at how funny that must have looked from the outside, and Nightems told Stumpers to put up the window. Stumpers was growing more nervous as they neared the box. Nightems said to her, "You're being too serious. You look shifty." So Stumpers put on her best, "I'm innocent, I tell ya" face and took a few deep breaths. Nightems continued to make smart-ass remarks that cracked them both up, and then they were ready to approach the box. |
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