Road Trip Haikus
"Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car"
-or-
Clarinetists, in seventeen syllables
Written by Lauren and Rob, June 20-21, 2002
1.
We were on the road
Flying past a semi fuck [truck]
O me O my O
2.
There once was a boy
AH! AH! AH! AH! He would say
That boy was Raymond
3.
Water tower there
Diet Dr. Pepper here
Lauren everywhere
4.
Sixty-five we go
But that little ho go fast
Road kill up ahead
5.
A busy highway
That�s not a very good line
No, Laur�n, bad haiku
6.
Is this Dayton? No.
Can do, Yamaguchi-who
Flowers are so nice
7.
Waste system dump truck
Orgy in the back is fun
Video camera
8.
Waffle House next right
Oh how much fun and delight!
Anyone got a light?
9.
I hate semi-fucks
Turn signals, mayhem, and me
Wow, check that truck out
10.
Chin�s Chinese Restaurant
Fill water again and again
Pee it all out now
11.
You have broken rule
Oh sacred rule of haiku
Now prepare to die
12.
All trucks use left lane
Construction zone, fines doubled
Maintain present lane
13.
Seventy-five North
Arrows point this way and that
Lauren is confused
14.
Cracked out haikus- crazy!
We should do this with Lisa
Big haiku orgy
15.
Urbana Piqua
Entering Shelby County
Stopped truck on roadside
16.
I wasn�t thinking
Next time say Lauren, food, go.
Look! A Pizza Hut!
17.
In circles it goes
County Road 25-A
Crosses once again
18.
Steve, queen of llamas
On her ass ice does go
[in deep sick voice] OH Steve OH Steve OH
19.
Steve has a hot ass
Then she cools it down with ice
Isn�t Steve�s ass nice?
20.
Lauren takes caffeine
Now you�re gonna be spouting
Haikus out your ass
21.
Six luscious cheeses
Melted between two thin crusts
Pack cheese into mouth
22.
Lauren car coming
Oh shit better not go now
Lauren go anyway
23.
Restroom smells like smoke
Lots of guys go pee in here
Wapakoneta
24.
Hospital next left
Small children and animals
Bob would like it here
25.
Reduce speed when wet
Little fly go out window
Civilization
26.
No stopping, standing
Or parking on highway
Bad Rob, Bad Llama
27.
Pee beside the road
Unparalleled ecstasy
Look before you leak
28.
Woodwind and Brasswind
We are playing clarinets!
Buffet R-13
29.
Tofu, no meat? Yes.
Big bowl of jello tofu
Wow that is special
30.
Sexy pot chicken
Oh my god you look gorgeous
Wowzers I want you
31.
Big giant turtle
I want to get on you now
In Churubusco
32.
Die vermin Slurpee!
It spilled on my pot chicken
Death to bad Slurpee
33.
Squish your Slurpee-AHH!
Hands on steering wheel, Lauren
No need for that yo
34.
I know which this is
Oh you looked you nasty whore
No new toy for you
35.
�How goes the battle?
That�ll be an extra fifty
For Copland,� said man.
36.
Amish vehicle
You just passed a Mennonite
Strive to stay alive
37.
No Shell. No gas. Hot.
Purchase gas at Shell. Be cool.
Blue condom machine.
38.
He wondered briefly
Why he had spoken in French.
Il dit, Je n�sais pas.
39.
Random pair of jeans
Nobody is wearing them
In a field they hang.
40.
Retail plant center
Dee Dee wants to get planted
Kinky, isn�t it?
41.
What the hell happened?
Where does this asshole get off?
Dick�s Service Center
42.
He heard the whore say,
�Draw his nightstick and raise it.�
Lauren, that�s dirty
43.
It�s been a long night
The whore was staring at him
Rob knew she was right
44.
That bastard fucker
Raymond did not like haiku
AH! AH! AH! AH! O!
45.
Lauren is driving
Gaze vacantly into space
Schizophrenia
46.
Clarinetist�s issue:
Minor mental handicaps
Laugh hysterically
47.
Rob had her all night
Dee Dee the whore had been right
Rob could do her right
48.
A whore in South Bend
Who sold us a clarinet
Dee Dee in action
49.
Haikus, McFlurry,
And driving Honda Civic
Lauren does it all
50.
Dee Dee and Rob went
To bed in his underwear
Now we�re in trouble
51.
I owe you big time
Dangerous territory
Dr. Uterus
52.
Dee Dee likes to screw
Screwdriver sank in an inch
You fucking bastard
53.
Suffocate his wife
With a pizza with extra
Cheese and artichokes
54.
Yes, he said aloud
Dee Dee, you are wonderful
Way to make my night
55.
Longer the trip is
Haikus become dirtier
Lauren has much fun
56.
Lauren going home
I can do Ronald Reagan
To Rob�s house we go
57.
Oh good, we�re here now
The crack has been stopped for now
Lauren is gone now
58.
What have we unleashed
We are less articulate
As the night wears on
59.
Rob and Lauren stop
Oh Impatient courtesy
Go now! Go bitch go!
60.
Yay, Rob is home now
What is he going to do?
He has no crack.
61.
Lauren needs to sleep
What a long day it has been.
But I�m so wired!
62.
We are home at last
Wanna go back to South Bend?
Maybe tomorrow
63.
Road trip poetry
In seventeen syllables
Our adventure�done.
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