AJ awoke to another nurse entering Dawns room. They had been in and out monitoring her all night.
"Damn", he groaned as he massaged his neck.
He was stiff all over from the position he had slept in. The nurse smiled at him and motioned for him to give her Dawns hand.
"Oh, sorry", he chuckled shyly as he let go of her hand.
"Thats alright," she smiled back at him.
She took all Dawns vital stats and checked the monitors.
"How does it look?" AJ asked, breaking the silence.
"Everything looks very good. The baby is doing well, too."
AJ perked up at the nurses words.
"How much longer do you think before she wakes up?"
"Its hard to say, could be anytime now. Could also be hours or days."
"But shes okay, right? Shes gonna pull through?"
"It looks that way, but shes been through a traumatizing ordeal. A lot can happen. The most reassuring thing I can tell you right now is that she has made it through the first six hours with no further complications. We will continue to monitor her closely."
He looked back up at Dawn. A little more color had settled into her cheeks.
"Is it alright if I stay?"
"Sure, it would probably help her if you did."
The nurse turned and headed towards the door.
"Nurse?"
She turned back to look at him.
"Can she hear me?"
"Yes, she can hear you. She may not respond, but talking to her certainly might help matters."
"Thanks," AJ smiled at her, turning his attention back to Dawn.
The nurse smiled at him as she walked out the door.
"We need some sunshine in here", he said as he got up and walked over to the window, opening the shades to let the sun shine through.
"Ugh, bright light!" He joked as he shielded his eyes.
He chuckled at himself, suddenly remembering that the only person he was amusing, was himself. He walked back over to Dawn and sat down next to her in the chair.
"Angel?" He said quietly as he held her hand in his again.
He gently ran his finger up and down her arm.
"I hope you can hear me. Theres so much I want to tell you, so much I have to say."
He stopped as he carefully chose his words.
"Do you remember when I proposed? I do, I remember everything about it. I was thinking about it last night. We were so happy. Everything was perfect. I dont know what happened. We let so many things, so many people, come between us. I wanna get back to the time where it was just you, me and Arianna. Screw everyone else. Theyre not important."
He thought for a minute, still stroking her arm.
"Were gonna have a baby. Just like we always wanted. This baby is such a miracle, especially considering everything youve been through. I know Ive messed up, I know Ive been difficult. I promise, Ill change. I want to be by your side through all of this. I want us to be a family again. Ill give up everything for that. Ill give up touring, Ill give it all up if youll just, please, come back to me. Help me make it work. I love you so much."
Tears started falling down his cheeks once again.
"I need you, baby. I need you to forgive me and tell me that you still love me and wanna work through this. Ill do anything."
He was interrupted by a knock at the door. Kevin peeked his head in and AJ wiped the tears from is eyes. He looked at Dawn and was shocked at how fragile she looked. She looked pale and weak. It took all he had not to break down in tears.
"Wow", he gasped as he looked her over.
He didnt mean to say it, it just came out. He wanted to kick himself for not being able to hold it in.
"I know, she looks bad, doesnt she", AJ asked, rhetorically.
"Shes gonna be okay", Kevin replied, trying to sound sure of himself.
"AJ, man, why dont we go get some coffee," Kevin whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I dont want to leave her."
"We wont be long. D wants to come in and see her. Shell sit with her until we get back. You need a break. Youve been in here all night."
AJ sighed. He did need a break.
"As long as D stays until we get back," he said, breaking his gaze from Dawn and looking up at Kevin.
"She will," he squeezed AJs shoulder. "Ill go get her."
Kevin left and a returned a minute later with D. AJ reluctantly got up and gave Dawn a soft kiss on her forehead.
"Ill be back soon, Angel," he whispered in her ear.
He gently placed a hand on her stomach.
"And little Angel," he smiled.
He turned to D.
"Please stay until I get back, okay?"
She nodded and gave him a tight hug. She wished she could do more for him. He looked terrible. She had never seen him look so bad. His eyes were red and puffy from all the crying he had done. His hair was a mess, and he had worry lines in his forehead that seemed to have found a permanent home there. He looked back at Dawn one last time as Kevin ushered him towards the door that he held open for him.
"Come get me if anything happens. I mean anything," AJ commanded.
"I will," D smiled as AJ and Kevin left and D took a seat where AJ had been.
"Hey girl. AJ had to go get some coffee but hell be back soon. Hes been in here all night, we had to get his blood circulating again," she chuckled. "Hes been worried sick about you. We all have been. You gave us all quite a scare."
She looked at the machines surrounding her friend and sighed.
"Why did this have to happen to you? After everything youve been through. If I could take your place I would, in a heartbeat."
She looked down at her hands and played with her ring.
"Nick yelled at me
today. You would have been so proud," she chuckled looking up at Dawns face.
There was no reaction. She looked back down at her hands.
"He got mad that I was being so hard on J and that I should get over my anger. Maybe hes right. Its not all his fault that youre here. I just cant forget all the awful things he said. Does that make me a bad person?"
She sighed and thought for a moment.
"I suppose I could cut him a break. I like yelling at him, though. He deserves it. Kevins ready to kick my ass, too," she laughed.
"AJ does love you, I know that. He loves you with all his heart. Hes just hurting right now. I think he finally realizes how wrong he was. I just hope you can forgive him," she paused. "I hope you can forgive all of us. I wish I could tell you everything thats happened the past few months. Theres so much. Youre gonna hate us .."
She ran her hands over her face as she thought about all the things they had kept from Dawn in the recent months. Everything Noah had done or had threatened to do. They kept it from her for her own protection, but would she understand?
"I sure hope you understand," she whispered. "Youre my best friend. Like the sister I never had .."
She felt tears start to slide slowly down her cheeks as she quickly wiped them away. She didnt want AJ to come back and see her crying. She had to be strong ..for him. She sat there for a while just listening the bleeps on the machines. She got lost in thought. She didnt even hear the door open. She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at Nick and he smiled down at her. She smiled back at him and grabbed his hand.
"Ive been telling her that everyones mad at me but I havent gotten any sympathy," she joked.
"You dont deserve any, baby," he joked back, kissing the top of her head.
"Thanks," she laughed. "Youre right though. I was a bitch and Im sorry," she said, looking up at him.
"Its okay. You have every right to be angry but just cut him some slack. Hes going through hell right now. We all need to be here for him. "
She nodded.
"Isnt it supposed to be one at a time in here?" She asked.
"The nurse said I could come in. She felt sorry for me sitting out there all alone," he smiled.
"Oh okay. Im glad youre here," she kissed his hand.
Nick glanced up at Dawn. She looked so lifeless. He wished there were something he could do. As he continued to watch her, he said a silent prayer that she and the baby, would be okay. He and D stayed with her until AJ and Kevin came back.
"No change?" AJ asked, hopeful as he hurried into the room.
"No," D said sadly. "No response whatsoever. I tried, J, I really did."
"I know. I did, too," he sighed sadly as he looked over at Dawn.
"I wish she would wake up. I just want to hear her voice."
"You will," Kevin offered as he put his hand on AJs shoulder. "Shes strong. She has a lot of people pulling for her."
AJ looked up at him and smiled weakly.
"I have to call my mo "
"Already done", Kevin cut him off. "I called her a little while ago and filled her in on everything thats happened. She wants to come up for a little while, so Im gonna go stay with Arianna for a couple hours later."
"Thanks, man. Tell my little jellybean that I love her and Ill see her soon".
"I will", Kevin smiled.
"Why dont you come with us and get something to eat?" Nick asked.
"No, Im gonna stay here. I wanna be here in case she wakes up. I dont want her to be scared."
He squeezed AJs shoulder and started out the door. D stopped him.
"I want to talk to J for a minute. Just wait for me outside okay?"
Nick smiled at her and kissed her cheek. Kevin gave her an unsure look.
"It'll be okay, I promise," she smiled.
Kevin smiled back and left with Nick. AJ looked at her curiously as she approached him.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you. You don't need my bitchiness right now. I know I've apologized before, but I mean it this time. I swear!!" She crossed her heart.
"It's okay," he laughed back. "I know the way you feel about what happened. I know I said some really shitty things and I'm paying for them now."
He started to get choked up thinking about everything that happened between he and Dawn.
"I know you are. That's why I'm promising not to yell at you anymore."
"That's good because I don't think I can take it anymore," he told her. "I don't want you hating me. You're friendship means a lot and it hurts that you blame me for all of this even though I deserve it."
"You're friendship means a lot to me too," she said, blinking back her own tears. "That's why I'm apologizing. I was out of line."
"No you weren't. You love Dawn and you were looking out for her. I know how close you two are and I hurt her so much."
He put his face is his hands and let out an unexpected sob. D embraced him.
"Oh J," she sighed. "I wish I could say that everything's going to work out but I can't."
"I know," he sniffed.
"The only thing I can say is that whatever happens we're all going to be here for you. We need to all stick together through this and that's what we're gonna do."
"That means more to me than you could imagine."
He wiped his eyes and looked over at Dawn. She hadn't moved at all. He was worried that it was taking so long for her to wake up. D followed his gaze and sighed.
"I tried getting her to wake up. I joked that she would have been proud of Nicky when he yelled at me today but I got nothing."
"She definitely would have been proud," he chuckled. "Its so hard, D. This is taking so long. Why isnt she up yet?"
"Remember what the doctor said. He said that it could be a couple days".
"But what about the baby? How is the baby eating?"
"The same way Dawn is eating", she stroked his arm as he turned to Dawn. "The doctors are taking care of them, J. You just think about when she comes home. All the time youll have to spend together ."
He chuckled at her words.
"I dont think shell come home with me. I think Ive lost her forever "
"Dont think like that."
He shrugged her off and walked over to Dawns bed and resumed his spot in the chair.
"Are you sure you don't want to come and eat some lunch?"
"No, thanks. I'm gonna stay with her in case she wakes up. I hope she comes around soon."
"I'm sure she will. Just keep talking to her. We'll be back this evening. Ill bring you some food, you need to eat. Call us on Kevins cell phone if anything happens."
She walked over, kissed him on the cheek and left.
"Angel?" He said softly as he stared at Dawn. "Im back. I see you didnt miss me, though", he chuckled.
He wanted to talk to her, but he didnt know what else to say. He didnt want to start repeating himself. But then again, maybe he did. Maybe something would bring her to and she would remember the things he had said. He took her hand in his and gently caressed it.
"Baby, please wake up. I need you ..Arianna needs you our baby needs you".
He surprised himself when he said it.
Our baby, he reiterated to himself. How could I think it wasnt mine?
He thought back on the whole terrible argument he and Dawn had when he said the baby wasnt his. The hurt look on her face, she was so heartbroken.
How could I say that? How could I do that to her?
Tears started to stream down his face once again and he didnt even make an attempt to fight them. He brought her hand to his face again as he tenderly kissed it, clutching her finger that wore his engagement ring.
"Im so sorry, Angel. Please forgive me", he pleaded as he ran her hand against his cheek.
He lay his head on the bed next to her and sobbed. Next thing he knew, he drifted off to sleep.
A couple hours later AJ was awakened by someone gently caressing his head. His first thought was that it was a dream. Then, as he woke up a little more, he thought maybe it was someone just trying to wake him.
He looked up and the room was empty and quiet, with the exception of the sounds coming from the machines. He still felt a tender hand on his hand, though, then it moved to his cheek. The hand was so soft, so familiar, so gentle .
His eyes moved over to Dawns face. His tired eyes locked with hers and he thought he was dreaming. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. Her eyes were open and she was looking right at him, gently touching him.
Tears started to instantly fall from his eyes as he rose from the chair. He could barely see her face through his tears.
"Angel? Tell me this isnt a dream .."