Cassidy and AJ stared into each other’s eyes, unsure of what to say next. Neither of them had ever felt this way before about anyone, especially so soon. Something about what Cassidy had said made him snap inside.
“You don’t love me,” he chuckled as a smirk spread across his lips.
“Yes I do,” Cassidy whispered.
He just shook his head in defiance of what she was saying. He didn’t believe her, he couldn’t believe her. There were so many things were running through his head at that moment, he felt like it was going to explode.
Things had happened so fast between them, he wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. He wished she hadn’t said it. He didn’t feel that he deserved her love; he didn’t deserve her.
Cassidy pulled him closer to her and placed her lips on his to quiet him. She didn’t want to argue with him. She understood she would have to prove herself to him, although she thought she had made her intentions towards him clear from the beginning. Something was making him pull away from her.
AJ ran his fingers through her wet hair and kissed her neck as she softly moaned. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. He pulled away and turned her around so her back was to him and she was facing the side of the pool.
He stood behind her and kissed between her shoulder blades, then moved up to her neck. Gently at first, then getting more aggressive. She brought her hand up to the back of his neck and pulled him closer to her.
He cupped his hands over her breasts underneath her bathing suit top, gently tugging at her nipples. She moaned softly at his touch. She turned around and passionately kissed him. He tried to turn her back around, but she didn’t move.
It upset him.
Every problem he had in his life was manifesting itself into this moment. He didn’t want to give up control to Cassidy. He wanted to control the situation. He needed control of his life, control of his emotions, but he didn’t feel like he had control of anything.
Helpless and confused, his head was spinning. Everything he had in his life that was stable, that he relied on, was gone...replaced by this person in front of him that claimed to love him. How could she love him? She barely knew him, she didn’t know anything about him. The fact that he had told her he loved her first didn't justify it. She shouldn't love him.
Cassidy wrapped her legs around his waist as she pulled him close to her, completely unaware of the struggle that was going on in his head. She ran her fingers through his hair and down his back. He shivered at the feeling of her nails gently caressing his back. He slowly kissed her chest as she gasped.
“Why don’t we go inside,” she quietly suggested.
He kissed her once again as he untangled her legs from his and tugged at her bathing suit bottoms, quickly pulling them down her legs. He wasted no time as he aggressively thrust into her as she gasped in ecstasy.
She softly moaned his name, then it suddenly hit her how far they had gone.
“Alex, wait!” She exclaimed.
“Baby, you feel so good,” he whispered into her neck as he continued to thrust, not paying any attention to her request.
She couldn’t help the way she was feeling. As much as she was a firm believer in using protection, she didn’t want to stop. He felt so good. She leaned her head back then closed her eyes as he rested his head against her neck.
“I..think we need to stop,” she gasped.
“Tell me you really wanna stop,” he whispered as he gently nibbled on her ear.
She was quiet for a minute, silently enjoying the feelings flowing freely through her body. She felt him move within her and clutched his arms tightly.
“But we’re not using protection.”
“It’s okay, Cass,” he whispered. “Just enjoy it..let me reach all those areas deep down inside you that you close off to everyone else.”
She closed her eyes as he buried his face in her neck.
He gently nibbled on her neck, only heightening her arousal. She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to her.
“Alex..” she whispered as sensations she never knew existed raged through her body.
“Let go, Cass,” his hot breath grazed her ear. “You want to, I can feel it.”
She leaned her head back as he watched her. He knew she wanted to let go, he wanted her to let go, more than anything. He wanted her to lose control, give it all up to him.
He tightened his arms around her, never wanting to let her go. He couldn’t, he needed her more than anyone in his life. Everything was spiraling out of his grasp, everything he believed in, everything he counted on, all his emotions, his whole life...
He thrust into her harder..deeper. Cassidy didn’t fight him, she couldn’t, the feelings were too strong. She loved the feeling of him moving within her. As she tightened her muscles around him, she could feel every inch, every movement, every part of him.
He moved in and out of her faster, quickly approaching his release, but determined to make her reach hers first.
“Alex,” Cassidy whispered as her body began to tremble, ever so slightly.
“That’s it, Cass. Cum for me, baby..show me how I make you feel,” he whispered as she dug her nails in his back.
He felt her walls clamp down on him and it had him teetering on the edge of the most intense orgasm he’s ever had.
“I wanna cum inside of you.”
“No..don’t..you can’t,” she whispered weakly as he eagerly thrust into her.
Then she was lost again to the pleasure he was giving her, her legs tightening around him, pulling him as far inside her as possible. He leaned down and kissed her passionately on the lips, his breathing quickening and his heart pounding out of his chest.
“Let go,” he whispered, their lips still touching. “Come on Cassidy, I wanna feel you..”
“God..Alex,” she whispered as she ran her fingers down the back of his neck and pulled him closer.
He pulled her into a searing kiss as she dug her nails into his back once again, losing complete control of her body. She moaned into his mouth as wave after wave of pleasure surged through her body. She held onto him tightly as their tongues danced together. So strong the feelings, she was almost in tears.
Feeling her muscles contract around him sent him over the edge. He exploded deep within her, jolt after jolt of passion filling her completely. He groaned as he thrust into her a few more times, not wanting the moment to end. He slowed his thrusting to a stop as they sat motionless, both trying to catch their breath.
AJ leaned his cheek against Cassidy’s forehead as they remained in each other’s arms, so close together, they could feel each other’s hearts beating wildly. He then looked down at her. He noticed a teardrop slide down her cheek.
“I love you,” he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her.
Suddenly, her face was awash in a stream of tears that she was unable to control.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, worried.
“Alex, I asked you not to..” she sobbed.
“Not to what?” he asked, puzzled.
She didn’t answer him, just continued to cry.
“Cassidy, what did I do? Tell me, baby,” he gently caressed her cheek.
She pushed him away, held him at arm’s length. He was so shocked, all he could do was stare at her.
“What if I get pregnant now??!!” She moaned between sobs.
It was at that moment that he realized what she meant.
“You’re not on the pill?”
“No, I’m not on the pill!”
“Oh God, Cass. I’m so sorry”.
“Alex, I asked you not to..” she turned away from him.
“I-I...didn’t hear you,” he stuttered.
She turned to look at him.
“How could you not hear me, Alex? I was right here, in front of you."
Cassidy finally managed to get herself away from him, and got out of the pool. She walked over to the table, grabbing a towel to cover herself with. AJ followed close behind.
“Cassidy, I didn’t hear you, I swear. If I did, I would have listened, I swear to God,” he pleaded.
She sat down in a chair and he knelt down in front of her.
“Cassidy, please look at me. I feel terrible.”
She wiped her eyes and looked up at him.
“How do you think I feel? If I get pregnant, you can walk away, Alex, you can turn your back..I can’t..” she started to cry again.
He leaned over and stroked her hair.
“I would NEVER do something like that, ever. I would never walk away from you if that happened. I couldn’t..”
“Just words...” she murmured, shaking her head, as if talking to herself. She'd heard those words before and they were as hollow sounding as they had been the first time they'd been spoken to her.
“No, Cassidy, listen to me”.
“No,” she cut him off, placing her hand to his mouth, “I don’t want to hear anymore.” She stood up to go into the house.
AJ moved towards her and she backed away.
“Don’t, Alex. Just let me go.”
She turned and walked into the house as he stood staring after her.
“What have I done?” he whispered to himself as he ran his hands over his face. “What the hell possessed me to do something like that?? Why didn’t I hear her??”
He sat down on a nearby chair and buried his face in his hands. Br> “I should have heard her, I was RIGHT in front of her. I’ve never done anything like that in my life, I have to make her understand”.
He got up and walked into the house, he looked all over for her. He finally found her in his room sitting on the edge of the bed, putting her shoes on. He stood in the doorway and watched her.
‘But how can I make her understand if I don’t even understand it myself?’
“Where are you going?” He asked her.
“I’m leaving. I need to think.”
“Think about what, Cass? There’s nothing to really think about until the time comes.”
“There’s a lot to think about, Alex.”
“Wait a minute, tell me, if you ARE pregnant, you wouldn’t consider getting rid of it, would you?”
She didn’t answer him.
“Cassidy? Please talk to me. I have a right to know.”
“Will you just stop??!” She yelled as she covered her ears. “Leave me alone! This is why I need to get away!”
He just stood there staring at her. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He slowly walked towards her. He didn’t know what he could do, but he had to do something. He couldn’t let her go through this alone. He sat down next to her on the bed and pulled her into his arms. She didn’t resist him, she leaned her head against his chest and sobbed.
“It’s okay,” he tried to comfort her.
“You don’t understand,” she cried, “I’ve already gone through this on my own once, I can’t do it again.”
While he didn’t know the specifics of her relationship with Kyle’s father, he knew it wasn’t a good one. He couldn’t help but think that her reaction had at least a little to do with her past. He silently cursed himself for not asking her more about it before.
“You’re not alone, Cassidy. You'll never be alone. I’ll be there for you, and our child, if it comes to that".
“I’ve heard that before, Alex. It’s easy for you to say, but it’s something else to follow through. You’re not ready to be a father. You have so much to work through on your own.”
AJ just sighed and pulled her closer to him, he didn’t know what to say, she was right. He was nowhere near ready to be a father.
He stroked her hair as her head rested on his chest. Finally her sobbing subsided and was reduced to a quiet whimper as she held onto him tightly. He could feel the fear generating through her just in the way her tense muscles gripped him. He gently rocked her back and forth.
“Why don’t we lay down for a little while,” he suggested.
“I’m not tired, Alex. I couldn’t sleep right now if I tried.”
“So, let’s just relax,” he countered.
‘Relax,’ Cassidy chuckled to herself. He just didn’t seem to get it.
They laid down on the bed facing each other. AJ pulled her as close to him as he could. She stroked his hair as they looked into each other’s eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
Cassidy just looked at him, she didn’t know what to do or say. Everything was happening so fast between them. It scared her and she was sure it scared AJ, too. Them having a baby together?? That was just ridiculous.
“It was my fault, too,” she offered as tears started to well up in her eyes once again.
“We’ll get through it,” he whispered as he caressed her cheek, wiping her tears away.
“What were we thinking?” She whispered as more tears spilled down her face.
He looked into her eyes and his heart broke. He didn’t have an answer to her question. He wished he did. He still didn’t understand why he didn’t hear her.
Did he not WANT to hear her? Was his need to control things THAT overwhelming he would hurt the one woman he truly loved and risk ruining their relationship? He pulled her into his arms and held her tight.
“Sshh,” he tried to calm her as she cried once again. He stroked her hair, trying to think of something to say..anything...he had to find a way to make this all better, but he couldn’t think of anything.
She slowly pulled away and turned away from him, leaving him feeling rejected. He lay there watching her body rise and fall with each breath she took.
‘God, I really fucked up this time,’ he thought to himself as he ran his hands over his face. ‘I’m so stupid.’
He turned on his side, thinking about how they were ever going to get past this, before he knew it, he dozed off.


Chapter 19
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