Title: Chasing your dream
Author: Adalisa
Email: [email protected]

Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and let's face it, it's the only real reason to keep writing.
Distribution: Mama Chelle's site, XanderSlash's site and my site. Anywhere else, just ask. I won't say no.
Web site: http://members.tripod.com/luxshine/

Summary: Angel and Xander have a small chat after the events in Enemies.
Rating: I guess it's R.

Disclaimer: Everyone here is property of Joss Wheldon, Warner Bros. And another bunch of people. But they keep treating them bad, so I play with them.

Content: X/A
Spoilers: Enemies.
Notes: This is a sequel to 'Seeing too much'. Go and read it in Deadboy and Xander or in my site.
Dedicated: To Chelle. Because it's her Birthday, and she asked very nicely for X/A stuff. And because she is great and made this wonderful list.

Angel walked to the library, finding it surprisingly empty. Giles and Wesley, the two Watchers who seemed to be always fighting weren't there, and the lights in Giles' office where out.

The Vampire sighed. It wasn't natural or normal to find such silence... Even if he liked it quiet. He had been thinking a lot about his relationship with the Slayer and her friends, and now... now he was sure that he didn't wanted to see any of them.

It had all begun with Buffy asking him to play Angelus, just to see if Faith was really in their side. And even when the idea disgusted him, Angel had done it. Once again he had played right into Buffy's hands, not thinking twice. Not only he had played along with the demon friend of Giles, so Faith would believe that Angelus was back, he had made her shiver with pleasure both during their fight and in bed... He didn't regret those things. But they made him think... Why was it that he always ended up doing things for Buffy? Hadn't she sent him to hell? Wasn't she torturing him every day by staying close to him, then remembering him that if they touched, kissed... that if _ he _ was happy then she would have to kill him? Weren't she and her friends, Willow, Giles, always trying to make sure that he was miserable, reminding him of his past actions? Just to hide it later in a mask of pity and sympathy... Why he had to put up with that?

It had been too much. He had needed to leash out some of that pent up frustration and anger. And he had done that. By putting all his rage in the fist that connected with Xander's face.

Against the only one of the group who had always treated him with total sincerity, whose real feelings towards the vampire had never been hidden.

Xander hated him, he hated Xander. It was as simple as that. So when the mortal teenager had found him and Faith walking on the street, Angel had done the only thing that his mind and body wanted.

He had struck the boy's jaw.

And as freeing as it had been at the moment, as wonderfully releasing as the words he had said to Faith had felt... Now they were haunting him.

Because, as much as his inner demon wanted nothing more than kill everyone of the Slayerettes... he really didn't want to hurt Xander. He had no real reason to.

In fact, he had many good reasons not to.

The main one was that he really didn't hate Xander. He didn't love Xander either, but more like... more like something in between. Ever since he had returned from Hell and Buffy had made him go through another hell, his daily dreams and night fantasies had somehow ended up with just one main star. It was always the same face, the same eyes: The mortal boy who hated his guts more than anything.

Which made it all more complicated.

After all had been said and done, and Buffy stupidly let Faith escape, Angel had turned to see Xander, only to meet hate, hurt and recrimination in the mortal's expressive eyes. And it had hurt the vampire to recognize those emotions, not only in that moment, but every day following, when they reappeared in his dreams.

He had to talk to Xander, to apologize or something. Anything.

The trouble was that the boy would never get close to him again. Unless he was in chains or possessed.

"Dead boy." The voice made him turn around, so surprised to see Xander there that he didn't even questioned the fact that he hadn't heard him as he had opened the library doors. But there he was, looking at him with a strange puzzled look that Angel couldn't decipher. "What are you doing here? Waiting for Buffy to have a new great plan?"

Angel winced. It had been too close to his own thoughts. "No." He answered, and before he could think on what he was saying, the words came out from his mouth by themselves. "I was waiting for you."

"Really?" Xander walked closer, his eyebrows lifted. It was obviously not the answer he was expecting to hear. "For what? So you can beat me up again? It would get old really fast."

Angel rose from his chair. It was too odd, to be standing right in front of Xander in the empty library. Almost like a dream.

"I'm not planning to hit you again, Xander." Angel said, and smiled. It did felt like a dream, with no supernatural threats hanging in their doorstep. "In fact, right now I would want to kiss you."

If the immortal vampire had stopped to think what he had said, he might have been horrified. But he didn't had time to think at all when Xander grinned, leaning towards his face. "So first you hit me, and now you want to make it better by kissing me?" he asked, his voice nearing a yell. "Why don't you better tell me that you want to drive me insane, like you did to all those who thought you could be a good friend?!"

Angel rose from his chair, backing a little at Xander's words. He knew that the boy's anger was justified, he only didn't want it to be so... explosive. "I... I do not want to harm you..." he began saying, trying to explain the boy what he had thought before he appeared.

"No... You never want to do anything do you?" Xander was closing in, a smile in his face. "It's never _your_ idea, is it?" The teenager stopped just mere inches from Angel's face, his eyes hooded. "You don't really want to kiss me... You're doing it only because Buffy asked you to."

That hurt Angel more than a direct punch to his face could. How could Xander... the complain died in his mind as he realized that in the mortal's eyes, all his actions had been conditioned to Buffy's welfare, to Buffy's decisions. "I'm not the Slayer's puppet!!" he roared, regaining a little of his territory, making Xander back off one step. One very tiny step. "I have my own feelings, and my own desires!"

"Your desires are nothing but selfish lies!" Xander recounted, and Angel roared, changing to game face for a split second... Wishing that Xander would do something more than just talk. Hit him. Stake him. Something.

And Xander did something then.

He grabbed his head in a violent way and pull him down to the most amazing kiss Angel had ever felt.

For someone who was 200 years old, that was a very unusual situation.

So unusual, that it wasn't until he felt Xander's hot exploring tongue trying to open his lips when Angel finally allowed himself to believe that it was true. Xander was kissing him.

Who was him, a souled vampire, to go against whatever fate that was handing him what he most wanted?

As they parted, Xander panting for much needed air, Angel's mind still reeling with wonder. All his anxiety was gone. It was a much better way to deal with his problems and caged rage than going out half killing people. Shifting back to his normal face, he grinned.

"So... this is what _you_ want?" Xander asked, half smiling, a gleam of desire in his eyes.

"It is what I have _always_ wanted." Answered the Vampire, his voice starting to show lingers of desire. As he allowed the mortal to take the leather jacket from his shoulders, he began to hastily pull the shirt that Xander was wearing. It took a little time before they both could feel their naked chests against each other.

Fire clashing with Ice in a passionate embrace, that left no room for doubt or to second thoughts.

Angel moaned as the boy's mouth kissed a burning trail on his skin, following his jaw, neck and chest, until he clasped on the right nipple, sucking and biting it, rolling it in his mouth, before giving the same attention and care to the other. Xander was very talented with his mouth, and fleetingly, Angel wondered where could he had pulled out those wonderful abilities, before allowing his hands to trace and memorize Xander's back, trying to engrave the feeling of the warm, live body next to him.

As Xander trailed kisses up and down his chest, following all the lines of his muscles, Angel roamed his hands in the boy's back, in the boy's hair, marveling at the soft contact, at the knowledge that finally his dreams had come true.

Xander reached up to caught Angel's mouth again, as he straddled his hip with his legs, letting their erections rub together, only separated by their pants, their need growing faster with each moment. Angel nibbled softly at Xander's tender skin where the neck joined with the shoulders, encouraged by the moans of pleasure of the mortal. Xander didn't fear him, he trusted the vampire completely, and that made everything much more intense.

Soon, it was not enough. They needed more than those contacts. It was Angel the one who made the first move, by letting go of his lover's mouth just enough to take off the boy's remaining clothing, and indulge himself in the pleasure off licking carefully his lover's navel and tights, wanting that moment to last an eternity.

Xander moaned as he felt Angel's cold touch against his skin. He had always know it would be cold as the vampire began his exploration of the mortal's weeping cock; he had spend enough time thinking and fantasizing about it to know it would feel as ice... but at the same time, Xander felt that he could melt in that coldness, in the all-consuming embrace of his lover.

"Angel..." he moaned, shivering from pleasure and cold as the sensations overlapped in his body.

"Xander..." was the answer, as the vampire freed his erection for a moment, to kiss him again, to share the warm that was the mortal's body.

Words seemed to be obtrusive now, to threaten to shatter the moment where they both had finally found the time and courage to act upon their hidden feelings. So instead of talking, they communicated all what they wanted, all what they were with their bodies, giving the other complete trust.

Complete love.

Angel woke up in his bed, with a satisfied smile in his face. But then he could recognize his surroundings, and the smile disappeared. He was in his bedroom, alone.

It had been just a dream.

He had not been with Xander in the library, they had not talked, they had not had the most wonderful night Angel could ever remember.

He wanted to cry out with frustration. It had felt so real, Xander had been so alive.

If only the dream had lasted longer... an eternity would have been almost enough.

Because he knew that in real life, if he tried to apologize with Xander, his only answer would be a stake through his heart.

Xander didn't want to open his eyes. He wanted the dream to end... not when it was so real, so much like what he wanted his life to be.

Angel had apologized... something that would never happen. Angel had kissed him. And that was something that only could happen in his dreams.

The mortal sighed. Why had he fallen in love with an immortal vampire who was the Slayer's boyfriend? Why said vampire plagued every one of his dreams?

Leaving the bed, getting ready for school, Xander shook his head. The answer wasn't really important. Because he was in love, and he would never stop dreaming about Angel.

Because he would never have the courage to tell the vampire that while they were awake.

Willow looked at the dying candle with a smile.

It had been weeks since she found the 'dream-merging' spell, but she hadn't found the right time to use it. Angel usually was asleep in the days, and Xander only slept at nights. Finding a moment where both would be sleeping had been quite a challenge, but the redhead had been quite persistent.

If the boys wouldn't talk to each other when they were awake, maybe she could give them the freedom of the dreamscape.

She had not seen the meeting, even when her voyeuristic side wanted to stay in the dream, to be sure that everything went fine. But she owed them a little privacy. Besides, if tension didn't ease between her best friend and the souled vampire, she would have to resort to more drastic measures. Maybe she and Amy could cast the love spell without any potential mistakes.

The End (?)