The Cracker Battle
Act 1 of Kyo Meets Satan
Disclaimer:Melissa's Beautiful first act of our skit for Creative Writing class. Gee, I wonder where she got the idea for Brahms? (eh he he he) As will be stated in the second act disclaimer, this fic isn't to tease or to jest. It is definately not factual. I hope we haven't changed anyone's religion by writing this piece, because, and I will say it again, it is definately not factual. You have been warned. This was all by Melissa McGrew. I din write the tinyest bit. Yeah, she's crazy.
Stats:
Rating: Pg-13, adult content
Setting: Chinese Restaurant(?)
Characters: Kyo, Mang-obsessive fan of Dir en grey
Pairings: N/A
Mang: Yum yum. I just love Chinese food! This wonton soup sure is tasty. It tastes so good; it�s like a little cup full of bliss, that�s how good it is! I could eat wonton soup all day! (Looks to the left) Hey, that shadow looks kinda familiar�hmm�what does it remind me of? It�s kinda like the silhouette of�KYO-SAMA! It�s Kyo! I�d know that silhouette anywhere! KYO! Vocalist of Dir en grey! Birthday-February 16! Birthplace-Kyoto! Height-160 cm! Wieght-42 kg! I AM THE ULTIMATE FAN!!!! I have to go talk to him!
(Walks over to Kyo calmly)
Excuse me.
Kyo-What do you want?
Mang-OH MY GOD IT IS KYO! I can�t believe it! I�m your biggest fan! I love you so much! I�ve loved you since the very first time I ever heard you sing when I was watching the video for your single on TV and it was that one where you sound like you�re vomiting and you sounded so great and you looked so great and let me tell you the skirt was a good look for you, I swear, and your make-up was done way better than I ever could have done it and your hair, wasn�t it purple then? Or maybe it was blue, but anyway the point is you were really hot and I love you and I want to be you and I WOULD GET A SEX CHANGE JUST TO BE LIKE YOU!
Kyo- (very frightened) Oh�my�God. An obsessed fan�the horror! (Gets up to run away)
Mang-WAIT! Don�t go! I loooooooooooove you!
Kyo- Get away from me, you psycho!
Mang- NO! You can�t leave! I love you, and you will love me too! I know it will happen if you just get to know me! You can�t leave until you�ve confessed your love to me! Ah hahahahahahahah! (Insane, maniacal laughter)
Kyo-NO! You�re insane! (Pulls out a triscuit) Stay back, you fiend!
Mang-NEVER! (Pulls out bacon-cracker) Fear me! Fear the bacon flavoring of the cracker!
Kyo-No! Not bacon flavoring!
Mang- Bet you regret being a vegetarian now, ha!
Kyo-I won�t give up! (Waves triscuit in the air defiantly)
Mang-The power of your puny triscuit can never defeat the bacon-flavored cracker! Fear its putrid stench, its foul taste, and its vomit-inducing appearance. You can never defeat me! Hahahahahaha!
(Short battle ensues�background music-Brahms Hungarian Dance #5)
Kyo-You fight well for a mere fan.
Mang-Ah that is where you are mistaken. I am not a mere fan. I am the number 1 fan. And not only that�
Kyo-You�re�. you�re Satan, aren�t you?!
Mang-(Excited) You mean you recognize me! Ohmygod Kyo knows who I am! I�m so excited he even knows my name and everything I could die right now and I think I will ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod�
Kyo-Wait a second�Satan, you�re one of my fans?
Mang-Of course I am. I listen to your stuff all the time. It�s great!
Kyo-Wow�I never thought we�d attracted the attention of Satan�that�s�nutty.
Mang-Yes, Kyo, it is nutty. So nutty, in fact, that I am going to bring you with me.
Kyo-Where?
Mang-To hell, of course. Where else would you be going?
THE GATE TO HELL OPENS
continue with Jen�s play�aka act 2
Back to Dir En Grey