The Hell Process
Act 2 of Kyo Meets Satan
Disclaimer:I wrote this for an english class that has no idea who Kyo or Dir En Grey are. They're kinda gettin' an idea as Meliss and I write more fics and skits about them. There will a few things in here that will make you think "Ha! What the heck is she talking about? That is soo out of character." You have been warned. This fic isn't to tease or to jest. It is definately not factual. I hope I haven't changed anyone's religion by writing this piece, because, and I will say it again, it is definately not factual. It is also poorly written but so are all my other pieces. Latida!
Stats:
Rating: Pg-13, adult content
Setting: Semi-purgatory, Quasi-Hell
Characters: Kyo, Satan (Leslie)
Pairings: N/A
Kyo- Oh man, it is hot down here.
Satan- Well, Hell tends to run that way. I suppose you�re wondering why you�re here, what could you have possibly done to deserve this, and how you could redeem yourself yada yada�(waves hand frivolously)
Kyo- Is that Shinya? Hey Shin-chan, how�re yuh doin? Long time no see since that bicycle crash.
Satan- That�s a hologram you fool! That is one of the reasons you�re here. You�
Kyo- (cuts off satan) Hologram really? Cool! (cuts hand through air) Hey look (walks into hologram) I�m Shinya. Aren�t I so pretty? (Puts hands on hips and vogues) You can�t resist ne?
Satan- Get out of the hologram NOW! This is no laughing matter!
Kyo- What does this knob do? (turns imaginary knob)
Satan- Don�t touch the thermostat! (returns knob and mumbles) I�m in for more trouble than I bargained for (looks towards heavens) I hope you�re enjoying this! (shakes fists at heavens) It�s your turn soon.
Kyo- Sooooo�. can I meet sensai-Muyo?
Satan-Who? (still fidgeting with thermostat)
Kyo-Secondary school professor. During graduation I told him I�d see him in Hell. I always wondered if that would work out.
Satan- That isn�t important. What is important right now is you.
Kyo- (peers forward into pits of hell) Aiii! (he turns head to the side and holds it there) How do you get your body in that position?
Satan- (exploding) Do you not understand the danger you are in? Hellooo? Who is standing here right before you (points to ground with hand on hip)
Kyo- (looks and regards comment with frown then peers over satan�s shoulder and points) That�s Toshiya�s eye shadow over there, floating in mid-air? What are you stealing his midnight blue eyeshadow for?
Satan- Finally, we can get to what I�ve been trying to explain to you this whole time. The reason you are here.
Kyo-(leans against wall and yawns) K. (during satan�s dialogue Kyo looks bored and starts to nod off)
Satan- The reason you are here should be obvious to any half-minded individual. You are not so endowed, therefore you must learn why you�re at fault. The general reason was umm (goes over and flips through book) acceptance? (reads) �Accept yourself so that you may accept others.� Another depressive, ugh. �Ego-adjust, requires negative reinforcement.� So that is why they sent you down here for me to deal with. Well the vibe I get is that you�ve borrowed other�s lives to replace. You don�t accept you�re kawaii, and cover it up with blood and facial piercings. Then you go about putting on (pointing to holograms) Toshiya�s eye make-up, shinya�s dresses, trying to find happiness in another life. Looks like it worked out so well. Are you listening? This is important.
Kyo- (eyes closed, mumbles) eh.
Satan- You�re learning a lesson here, ne?
Kyo- (opens eyes and shifts weight against wall) yep
Satan- You�ll be taught to learn.
Kyo- What?
Satan- What is an accurate way to go about this? You know I�ve had so many of these cases, you�d figure I�d remember something.
Kyo-So� satan I got a question.
Satan- Call me leslie.
Kyo Yeah, sure, leslie, how does this thing work here? Isn�t it an eternity deal, or purgatory?
Satan- Now you�re curious, right when I need to plot. Here�s what it is. It�s a semi-purgatoy quasi-hell, according popular beliefs, but genuine in reality.
Kyo- Genuine what? And what about eternity.
Satan- It keeps me on my toes, preparing for the never-ending future.
Kyo-eh?
Satan-sarcasm? Sleep much?
Kyo- Here and there. But how do you handle all these people? Thousands, millions, I can�t even think of the number, die each day.
Satan- It�s kinda like santa clause. You just believe it can happen, okay?
Kyo- maybe.
Satan- I could send you into the bog of babbling girlfriends, but you�d probably strike up a conversation with one of them and that�d get us nowhere. Hmm� I could send you through someone else for a few days to suffer, but depressives always find a way to make it a step backward in their lesson. (pacing) An injection! But you�re blood type won�t accept, that�s right.
Kyo- Injection of what? I hate shots. (shivers)
Satan- (still listing)Scorpions, you respect them. You hate shots hmm? Scorpions and shots. That�ll teach yuh. Anymore worse fears? Oh let me see (rubs temples and closes eyes). Fire hydrants? That�s interesting.
Kyo-Got shot in the leg and it broke. Those things shoot out pretty fast you know.
Satan- Fire hydrants and sex? Well that�s a new one.
Kyo- It�s a gross habit, sex.
Satan- I know what will teach you. (rolls eyes and mumbles) This is so ridiculous (goes over to book and writes down) They should have these things already written. I�m not a frickin psychologist. I�m satan! Goodness goodness.
Kyo-So, when I learn this lesson�.?
Satan-Ever hear of reincarnation?
Kyo- I�ve always wondered about that.
Satan- As you will in your next life. You won�t remember any of this. So go over to that orange cabinet and put on a level four biohazard suit.
Kyo- Why?
Satan- You�re learning your lesson.
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