Fan Fic
As You Are
Part 3 - How Old Are You?
© Stef
|
James yawned and sat up in his bed. He didn't feel as relaxed as he had been for the last two days and the reason for the swing of his mood came back to his mind. He wasn't angry about the way Charlie cared for Stef. He was annoyed with himself. He had acted like a little child that had had his toy stolen. Okay, he hadn't done anything wrong, but even that he'd thought that way... It had been Charlie and Stef - his best mates - and the situation had been so normal, so why had he thought the way he had?
A short glance at his alarm clock - which had done its job today - told him, that he had no time to think about that and he stood up. This morning he really needed the shower, cause he felt awful. The party of the previous night had left its marks on him. After Stef and Charlie had left, he'd sat there for almost two hours and had had too many drinks. Ki had left him 20 minutes after the other two had gone and the rest of the time he'd been all alone. And that wasn't very good cause every time he was alone, he began to think too much. Then all these questions came up. Why did Stef prefer Charlie? Why had he been so stupid to his friends? How long does it take to destroy a friendship? How long does it take to be all alone again? Although he hadn't wanted to, he'd started crying. The man on the bar had looked at him strangely, and James had known that he thought he was just another drunk full of self-pity. So he had stood up and walked back to his room. Now James stood under the shower. The warm water ran over his stiff body and after a few minutes he could sense it relaxing slowly. He closed his eyes and just stood there for a few minutes. Again he was thinking too much. Mattie once said if he could be someone else for one day that he wanted to be James because he wanted to see Busted from another point of view and James really was completely different. He didn't want the lovely, funny and open-minded lad to have a day in his body with all his thoughts. James pushed that thought away and tried to think of nothing. He wasn't in one of those periods when everything was bad and he thought no one loved him and so he tried to be as positive as he could. Normally he didn't have the time for long showers, because he always got up as late as possible to catch all the sleep he could. But he still always scared off the lads. He hated the early mornings - and he took it out on them. That wasn't fair; he knew that but couldn't help it. That was just him. He tried his best to treat them nicely in the mornings. James rinsed his hair and stepped out of the shower. 0He took a towel, dried himself and put some jeans and a black t-shirt on. While brushing his teeth and shaving, he looked at the reflection in the mirror and sighed. He looked very tired! Then he examined his hair. Somehow it wasn't how he wanted it, perhaps he needed a haircut? Or what about going back to his original colour? James couldn't imagine himself with dark hair anymore. He just was the type for blonde hair, with his fair skin and blue eyes. And Stef had loved it when he'd got it blonde. Stef... James had to sigh. God, she'd been so drunk last night! She had to have a massive hangover. He decided to see if Stef was OK. When James opened his door, Charlie was coming out of Stef's room, saying, "OK, see you at breakfast!" James turned around and shut the door again. As he leaned against the wall he realized that his heart was beating so fast that it hurt. Why had Charlie been in Stef's room? At this time? He had probably been there the whole night! He took a deep breath but it didn't ease the pain. The next moment James realized what he was doing. He told himself that Charlie had a girlfriend and that Stef and Charlie were just very good friends. And even if it was... Why did it upset him that much? He thought about it, and realized... he was jealous! And why? Because Charlie had "stolen" his best friend? The next thing he noticed was a tapping at his door. As James didn't answer immediately, the person on the other side knocked louder and asked "James? Are you still in? It's Stef!" James answered "Yeah, I'm coming!" Than he opened the door, Stef walked in and looked at her mate. "Are you OK? You look..." James sighed, "Dead man walking! I've already seen my reflection, thanks! Think it was a little too late yesterday. What about you? Don't you have an aching head? You look as brilliant as always!" Stef answered, "That's just the fa�ade! So, are you ready then? Or did you just get up?" "No, no, let's go! How is Charlie?" he asked as normally as possible. Stef looked at him "Oh, he's fine. He was so concerned about me - as always - that he'd slept on my couch just to be there if something would have happened. That lad thinks too much! I was just a little bit drunk!" James grinned. He felt a little better now and said, "A LITTLE is good!" Stef gave in. "Ok, perhaps a little more! Don't ask, you've seen me!" With that she walked out of James's room. They went down for breakfast but didn't talk that much. James knew that Stef showed consideration for him. That she liked to talk to him. Stef looked at him again and again. It was only short glances but James noticed each one of them, but he didn't want to say anything cause just one wrong word to Stef would bring up a dispute. That wasn't Stef's fault. No one could talk to James in the mornings and on that day he doubted that he could have a conversation with Stef or Charlie anyway. Even that short one in his room was over his expectations. He still was hurt and didn't want to show it. It wasn't only that he was too proud, but if Stef - if everyone out there - could see that he was fragile, they could easily hurt him. Like those boys back home. Like his cousins who'd always teased and hurt him. After a very quiet breakfast everyone had a lack of sleep and except Stef no one was in the mood to talk. They stepped into the bus and travelled from Cologne to the German capital Berlin. First they checked in to the new hotel. It wasn't as huge as the Hyatt, but still very expensive. James thought of the rooms they had had in the beginning. They were nothing! These rooms now were about 4 times bigger. But how good they'd felt on their first tour! It hadn't mattered how cheap the rooms had been. It had been the first time they'd realised. "Our dream is coming true right this moment!" A tour as Buster... Now they were huge as well - regarding the CDs they'd sold. But still James had felt quite normal. But today he didn't feel normal, he felt angry with himself, at Charlie, at Stef, the whole world and so he chose the room with the greatest distance to Stef. The hazel-eyed girl looked really confused and asked if something was wrong. James shook his head "No, why should there be, Stef?" Stef opened her mouth to reply but Richard interrupted her. "No time for chatting, guys, MTV is waiting!" "MTV Select" was OK. Not as good as the VIVA day, but they enjoyed it. Again they talked about the new single "When you're looking like that" and had a few laughs. James really liked Anastasia, the blond-haired moderator, and flirted a bit. He needed a change from his sorrows and she really seemed to be a girl to have fun with. And her English was really cute. As he told her, she asked him to say something in German. He tried to deny his knowledge but she grinned, "I've read that you didn't like your lessons and I wanna know if there is still some German in your head - except Claudia Schiffer!" James had to laugh and thought of something to impress her. So he said "Deutsche M�dchen sind sehr s��" (German girls are very cute) Anastasia smiled and he felt really nice. Then she said, "My mum is from Greece!" And so James said in English "And the Greek are even cuter!" The guys and Anastasia laughed. After the show when they got dressed for the photo shoot Stef went over to him and grinned, "Hey James, I thought you'd prefer the brunette babes?" James felt this strange feeling again. Not the jealousy, it was affection. Stef's eyes were hypnotic. He looked deep into them and said, "No, at the moment I really love the blond-haired type!" It was a try. He earned a confused look and after a short moment of silence Stef asked "James, don't get me wrong but...please tell me why you took your room on the other side of the corridor! We always shared a room or they were next to each other. What did I do? What was my mistake?" James looked at him. He realized that he'd hurt Stef with his behaviour. He heard himself making excuses. "I just need some time on my own. The two of us are together almost 24/7 and I think a short break would be good for us both. - and you still have Charlie!" Although James didn't want it, it sounded VERY jealous. Oh god, Stef, don't say anything! Stef just nodded, mumbled something like, "If that doesn't last too long, you know where I am!" and turned away to get her stuff for the shot. |