Fan Fic
As You Are
Part 11 - Enjoy Your Holiday !?
© Stef
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The plane stood on the runway of Finchley airport and James glanced outside. He saw his mum and dad, Stef's brother Liam, and Ki's best friend. Chris, his six year old brother was there too, playing with a water pistol. "James, come on!" That was Ki. He smiled at James and said, "They won't bite you!" James smiled back and nodded. Then he stood up and followed his two mates. Stef was the first outside. She ran to Liam and hugged him. Then Chris aimed at her with his water pistol and shouted "One move and you're dead!" Stef looked at him and acted as if she was scared. "No, please!"
James joined them. "Chris, think of all these boys who would cry!" Chris grinned at his brother and Stef laughed. James felt the love again and it was hard not to stare at her. Chris looked at Stef and frowned. "Why are you laughing, Stef?" James picked him up and placed him on his shoulder. Then he looked up. "Did you miss me?" Chris nodded. "Yeah, it's so boring without you." James smiled. He really loved his little brother and was so happy to see him again. Pat, his mum, came over "James! Wow, you look great!" He hugged his mother and answered "You, too. You can't imagine how much I missed you!" His dad hugged him and said "Still mum's boy! But she's right: You look wonderful. In love?" James smiled and said "I'll tell you later." Ki waved good-bye and shouted "See ya soon! Enjoy your holiday!" Simultaneously Stef and James shouted back "You, too. Bye!" then laughed and looked at each other. Stef said, "OK, I have to go now. I'm going to the stables..." Chris interrupted him. "Stef, can you teach me how to ride? I want a horse but daddy says it costs too much! It's really unfair." James laughed and looked at him. "When you become a member of a band, you can buy yourself a horse! - and scare me!" Stef shook her head. "You and your phobia. I can't understand that. Horses are..." James sighed "So sweet. I know. You say that every time!" Chris pulled Stef's hair. "Will you? Will you?" Stef grinned. "Ouch! Okay, Okay! You've won. I'll teach you!" Chris was beaming all over his face "Wow! Mum, Dad!" His parents smiled and looked at Stef. "You don't have to do that. He really can drive you up the walls, and you have so little free time." Stef nodded "Yeah, but I'd love to. He is so cute!" Chris answered angrily "I'm NOT cute! I'm a tough guy!" James grinned. It was so sweet how his little brother was talking to Stef. He realised that there wouldn't be any problem telling Chris. The little one would accept it. Stef answered, "Yes, sorry, Chris. Of course you are. James, I'll call you later when I'm back!" James nodded and a smile broke over his face when he whispered, "I'm looking forward to it!" Stef smiled, hugged him and whispered. "Me, too. Missing ya already!" Then she said good-bye to Pat and Kevin and rumpled up Chris's hair and produced a lollipop out of her pocket. Chris was thrilled and took it from Stef's hand "Thanks! And don't forget..." "No, no! Tomorrow we'll go riding!" **** James whispered, "Bye. Miss you!" into the telephone and put it down. When he turned around, Pat had looked directly into his eyes and he felt insecure. Had she heard something? Had he been too loud? But then he took a deep breath and thought it would be the right moment for the truth. "Mum, can I tell you something?" She gave him the loving glance of a mother and nodded. "Sure." They both sat down at the big table in the kitchen. James smelt the nice aroma of his home - nothing could smell so good - and looked around. Nothing had changed. It was almost as if he'd never been away although it was the first time in three months that he was in Finchley. Sometimes he'd missed it so badly, when he'd been in a cold hotel room with a strange smell and a TV program he didn't understand. He really had to see his parents and Chris. The others as well, he always tried not to let them know that Chris was special for him. But especially Mel seemed to be very jealous sometimes. "So?" his mum asked and James sighed. He collected his thoughts and asked himself where he should start. After another moment of silence he said simply "Mum, I'm in love with Stef!" "Oh!" James sat there and waited. He looked down at the table because he felt the tears coming - although he didn't know why. He just felt like crying. Pat breathed in deeply and whispered "Hey, James. You don't have to cry. It was just the shock! Come here my baby!" James turned around, buried his face in his mum's shoulder and cried. He felt her warm hand on his back and she whispered "Shhh. I love you...I love you, James, you're still my boy...And Stef is a lovely girl. It won't be easy, you know that, because you've been so close all your lives, and she's been like a daughter to me�But I just want to see you happy." The words of his mum encouraged and helped him. They eased the pain inside. He felt so relieved that his mum had accepted it and just whispered "Thank you." James opened his eyes. He was lying on his bed and thought about everything that had happened since he'd been in Finchley the last time, these unhappy periods, the ups and downs and the relationship with Stef. How could he have doubted her? She was so wonderful. And how she treated Chris... And not to forget: How she treated him. He felt as if she was something special protecting him. But this voice wouldn't be easy to beat. It could come again as easily as it had gone, when he didn't expect it. Someone knocked on his door. "Yes?" he asked and looked at the door. His father entered. "Stef's here!" James sat up. "OK! I'm coming!" His father smiled. "I'm so happy to see you like this again. I just don't know how Mel will react. She is so close to Stef and doesn't like sharing her..." James sighed and nodded, and then he said, "I'm so happy that you took it that easily." Kevin smiled. "You're my son. How could I not be satisfied when you're in love?" When James entered the kitchen Stef sat at the table and smiled at him as he entered. James smiled back, feeling nervous in his parents' house, and said in a calm voice "Hi!" He sat down next to Stef and looked deep into her hazel eyes. They hadn't seen each other for a day or two, and he had missed those eyes every second. His mum came into the room. "Hi Stef! James told me everything and I'm very happy for you both." Stef smiled and had this twinkle in her eyes. James had to take a deep breath cause he felt a stream of love and happiness flowing through his body. His friend looked at Pat. "Thank you. I don't know what to say, Pat! My parents accept it, but nothing more. I've tried to convince them of how wonderful your son is. Mum has always told me how much she likes James. Perhaps they have to get used to the new situation, but when they see how incredible he is and that he's all I ever dreamt of, then they just have to be happy for me." James blushed. "God, Stef, you know that I can't handle your compliments!" James liked it on the one hand, but on the other hand it was very embarrassing. Stef laid her hand on James's and smiled. "And you know how much I like to see your red face. It makes you even cuter." James went the reddest that he had ever gone. "Stef!" His mum smiled "And that Stef is in our house or you are at Stef's isn't something new. I just remember the both of you sitting in the living room and Stef was despairing because she thought her hands would be too small for the guitar. - But you learnt it, didn't you?" Stef grinned and nodded "Yes, I think I would have finished with another teacher. - Or the other teacher would have finished with me!" James laughed because he remembered how hard it had been to teach Stef. She always had wanted to play the most difficult songs because the easy ones were too boring and uninteresting. And sometimes she was so impatient. But they had had a lot of fun while playing the guitar and had started to write little songs. That had been the beginning of their co-operation. Later they'd written more serious songs and love songs. And they'd got better and better day-by-day. Suddenly James remembered something. He stood up, took Stef's hand and pulled her after him into his room. Stef's confused look was so sweet that James had to kiss her. Then he asked her to sit down. James took his acoustic guitar and sat down on the bed, next to her. After he'd tuned it, he started with a wonderful slow melody that reminded Stef of Bon Jovi or Aerosmith. Then he started singing softly. Knowing but not knowing you In the sunset, in the raindrops, in the sea I see and feel you everywhere I don't know when it started, but all that I see Is a person so lonely, longing for love, for care You're looking around, are searching all your life for a woman by your side, for a wonderful wife Oh can't you see, that I would do everything? Don't you want it? Don't you feel it? I would give it all up for you Don't you want it? Don't you feel it? I want you to be so much more, my love You must be sent from up above I wanna be what they are for you I wish this dream once will come true I'm knowing but not knowing you You're my best friend and I always loved you We're so close, you're never far But now you don't see that I'm feeling blue cause I wanna be right there where you are You're seeing me smiling, you wish me good night Don't you see I just want to lie by your side? Oh why do I have to ask myself if you want it, if you feel it. I would give it all up for you Don't you want it? Don't you feel it? I want you to be so much more, my love You must be sent from up above I wanna be what they are for you I wish this dream once will come true I'm knowing but not knowing you You're so close to me But I've never felt that far Why do I just have to love you I wanna see how you are How you're kissing, how you're holding me how you really are Cause I'm knowing but not knowing you James had looked at Stef all the time and now he saw that her amazing dark eyes were filled with tears. Stef took the guitar and put it aside. Then she moved closer, touched her lips with her finger and placed that finger on James's lips. James just couldn't move. He sat there and looked into her hazel eyes. Now Stef really was crying. James whispered, "You're the best friend anybody could wish for! I just can't believe that I didn't realise it for such a long time! The feelings in the song... they describe exactly how I've felt the last few weeks." James smiled and brushed some of his blonde hair out of his face. He felt so happy and knew that God had given him Stef. And already this evening there was the first opportunity. There would be a party in the Bourne house. Pat had invited the whole "Bourne clan" (that meant all of his 6 brothers and sisters with their families) to celebrate that James was home. James didn't want it but as he hadn't been at home on his 21st birthday, he owed that to his family. Stef was invited, too. Kevin had thought it would be a gesture. It would show everybody that his parents accepted his son's girlfriend. James stood in his room, looked into the mirror and took a deep breath. Then he said to his reflection "Don't be nervous! It's just your family and you're 21. You're a man!" He tried to convince himself of that, but deep inside he knew very well that he still was feeling like a child. Suddenly he heard a knock on his door. They didn't wait for an answer and opened it immediately. Although James hadn't looked, he'd known that it was his little sister. Mel had come home from a friend just a few minutes ago, so she told him, and was a little upset. "Why can't you do a normal job? All the girls want me to tell you this or that and some even give me presents. Or they say "tell James say hi to Stef for me!" or Ki, Charlie or Mattie!" She let herself fall on the bed and James turned around. He was astonished by how much she'd changed over the last months. Last time she was much more a little girl than now. The first thing he could say was "Wow! Where's my little sister, lady?" Mel frowned. "James! Stop it!" He sat down next to her. "I'm not joking, sis! You look great. I'm sure all the boys want to date you!" He really meant what he'd said. If he'd been a boy from Finchley of Mel's age, he'd want to date her as well. Her face turned red. "James! - OK, I've got a date on Friday. Satisfied?" Whenever James saw Mel or Chris he realized how long he had been away from home. Every time he was at home, he talked with Mel a lot. She had always told him everything. Her fears, her dislikes, when she was in love and he loved to be a big brother. "Who is it?" James asked and they started to chat about her date. Then she asked the question he had feared since his father had said that Mel could be a problem. She looked at him and asked "And who's with you?" First James tried to deny that there was anyone but she smiled. "James, you're such a bad actor when you've a crush on someone!" He answered "It's more than a crush. And Mel, it's not that easy to tell you..." She grinned. "Oh come on James! What are you trying to tell me?" It was meant as a joke and James felt hurt. So he just answered "It's Stef!" Mel stared at him. "Tell me that you're joking!" There was an awful silence between them. He shook his head and whispered "No, I'm not!" She stood up "You can't! You're my brother! She's my best friend� you'll ruin everything!" James sighed. This was difficult! She kept shouting, "You can't do this to me. I thought you understood! Oh, I hate you!" And she ran away. After a few minutes James realized that he was sitting there with an open mouth and staring at the door where his sister had left. He felt the tears running down his face. How could she say that she hated him? Chris ran up to him. "Hey! Tomorrow I'll be a cowboy!" James tried to smile as he placed his brother on his knee. The little one looked up to him. "Why are you sad? Big boys don't cry!" For a second James really could smile cause he himself had said that so many times to his brother. But the pain came back immediately. He said "Oh, don't worry." When he looked at the door, he noticed that Stef was stood there watching them with a smile on her face. Stef realized that James had seen her, went over and sat down next to him. Chris directly went over to her and hugged her. "Stef, tomorrow I'll be a cowboy!" Stef grinned back. "Yes, and I'm sure that I even have a cowboy hat for you, somewhere!" Chris smiled and kissed her on her cheek. "You're cool!" "Hey, James, did you hear that? I'm cool." James tried to smile but it was impossible. He just felt as if he'd choke. "Something's wrong! Tell me! Right now!" Stef said and James felt there was no way out. He said to Chris, "Go and play with Mel. Tomorrow you'll have Stef for the whole day!" Chris nodded and ran out. James looked down. He knew that he'd start crying again if he looked into her eyes. "Mel hates me!" "Why?" Stef asked, concerned. "She said I couldn't do it to her. That she'd thought I understood, that I'm taking you away from her. Just because I love you!" Stef took him in her arms but he just couldn't cry. The tears didn't come although he knew that he'd feel better afterwards but the pictures of his past stopped him. Stef comforted him "She's 15. It's just normal. She is a teenager and she has got to get used to the situation. Have you told Chris?" James shook his head. A scene like that with Mel had been enough for him. But Stef persuaded him that his youngest brother would help to ease the situation. James was sceptical but he trusted in his friend and knew that Stef knew a lot about his little brother. "Chris, I love your brother as your mum loves your dad, do you understand that?" Chris just nodded and James knew that he didn't understand. He just didn't want to admit it. So James tried it himself. "You like Stef, don't you?" Chris nodded and grinned. James breathed out. Ok, what to say now? He thought about it for a short moment and continued "And I like her even more than you. I like her so much that that I always want to be with her." Chris smiled. "I like Stef very much. Is she your girlfriend? Will you get babies?" Stef laughed and even James felt better. His brother was the cutest five year old he could imagine. Stef said, "Not for a while! " Chris looked into Stef's eyes "OK!" Stef laughed again and said, "Oh, I'm a lucky girl, now I have James!" Chris grinned, too, although he didn't understand the joke, James knew that. The party was that night. Stef looked so wonderful in her black top and her beige trousers. She smelt wonderful, as she had used her Hugo Deep Red perfume, which James loved so much. It was as hard as always not to stare at her. The family sat around the table and were chatting to each other - all except Mel who stared at her plate and remained silent. James hadn't talked with his elder brothers and sisters about it yet. Suddenly the doorbell rang. James's dad stood up and looked at his mum. "Did you invite somebody else as well?" She shook her head. Kevin opened the door shouted back. "It's Dick and Eric." Stef who was sat next to James squeezed his hand under the table to calm him down. It helped a bit but still he felt a lump in his throat. When they came into the room he felt as if he'd die, but knew that he would survive this evening with Stef at his side. Dick came over and shook his hand. "Hey I haven't seen you for ages! Our big star!" Everyone could hear the sarcasm in his voice but he smiled. James did his best to smile back and said "Hi Dick! You haven't changed at all!" They sat down opposite to Stef and Chris and James's mum got up to fetch two plates for the guests. They started eating. James couldn't stand the situation any longer and cleared his throat. As nobody noticed it, he said, "I have to tell you something." It went silent and everyone looked at him. He started "Well, mum and dad, Mel and Chris, you already know it and the rest of you might suspect it already. I'm with Stef!" His parents smiled and Mel looked down at her plate again. James tried to imagine how he'd react in her situation. Maybe he'd do the same. He couldn't imagine it and thought you only can know what you're doing when you ARE in that situation. His elder brothers and sisters looked shocked but they congratulated them. James sat down again and was relieved that they took it that well. He really had a great family and could always count on them. His cousins looked sceptical, but said nothing. Stef smiled and took Chris onto her knees. "Tomorrow we'll go riding, and I'll let you ride the best horse. It is very kind to children who want to become real cowboys! And it's very nice to little Jameses as well!" she said and grinned at James. James wasn't angry for that cause he knew that Stef said it to take his mind off his cousins. He answered, "We'll see tomorrow!" Chris beamed and asked "What's the horses name?" James knew that it was a dream come true for his little brother and he was very thankful that Stef loved Chris as much as he did and that it wasn't because of the fact that they were having a relationship that she cared for Chris. Stef had always loved children and was totally crazy for his Chris. "Its name is Rainbow. You'll love it!" Stef said to Chris and smiled at him. Chris hugged her once again and shouted, "Mum, Stef is so COOL! I'll ride on Rainbow tomorrow!" James's mum came over and said with a smile "Chris, the cowboy! But even cowboys have to sleep! Come on!" Chris looked at James "James, tell mum that I'm not tired!" James smiled because his brother tried this since he could persuade her to let him stay up. "But mum...I wanna stay with James and Stef! They are always away!" James said, "I'll stay the whole week." Chris wasn't satisfied and James had an idea. "Do you wanna sleep in my room? I'll fetch the air mattress!" Chris smiled and said, "But only if Stef stays here!" Stef smiled at him and asked, "Do YOU want me to stay as well?" James smiled. "Of course I want you to!" So his dad found the mattress and pumped it up. Chris was very excited and was running up and down the corridor. Then he took Stef's hand and said, "Will you tell me a bedtime story?" Stef looked at James. "I'll be back in a minute!" and let Chris drag her into James's room. James had almost forgotten that his cousins were in the room. They didn't dare to do anything cause James's family was there. James knew that they would act differently when they met on the street or in their houses. Now he turned around and smiled at them - that was the best thing to show them that he was strong. Then he asked, "So, what are you doing now? I mean you know that my dream has come true but I don't know anything about you!" Dick seemed to be confused. Perhaps he wasn't used to the fact that James talked to him in another case than to ask him to leave him alone. After a short moment of silence he said, "Well, I work at smoking salmon with my dad. I'll inherit the company when he dies, and I still live at home as it is the shortest way to work. Eric works as a fisherman, and he lives with his wife, Fiona. I don't think you know her. She moved here two years ago when her grandma died and she inherited the house. - I'm still single. Had a few flings, but nothing serious." He realised how special he was. Nobody knew those little jerks with their salmon and fish but loads of people recognised James Bourne. He smiled back and nodded. "Oh, so you're still searching? Maybe I could do something for you. I know a lot of nice girls..." Stef, who had returned at that moment grinned at him. She seemed to know how he felt. Dick just shook his head "No, thanks!" The rest of the evening was OK but James still felt relieved when Dick and Eric left after two hours. As he and Stef felt tired from the last few days they went to bed early. Chris was lying in the middle of the huge mattress and James whispered, "You can't sleep in my bed. It's too small for the both of us." Stef answered, "No, it's OK. I'll sleep next to Chris." James nodded. He watched Stef who lay next to Chris, very close to him. Suddenly she opened her eyes and stared into James's. So they lay there until James felt too tired to hold his eyes open. ********* The next day, when Chris was tired after his riding lesson and Stef had brought the horse back to the stables, James thought about the wonderful day. They'd been at the stables for almost the whole day and all of them had really enjoyed it. James had even touched Rainbow. Chris had said that it would be so nice and James couldn't disappoint his brother. With shivering hands he'd touched the horse and had stroked it softly. Then he had taken Chris off the horse. Stef had come over and had brushed James's hair out of his face. Then she'd said "My brave James! For that you get a kiss!" Tenderly she'd kissed him on his lips and James had reciprocated it with a long kiss. Ki had felt wonderful. The taste of Stef's mouth still was on his lips. They had been interrupted by Chris who'd said "Ugh! kisses are awful! I kissed Jenny and it was so disgusting!" Stef had looked at James with a twinkle in her eye and a second later they burst out laughing. ******* "James! Wait!" James was stood at the door with his suitcases and was about to leave. The week was already over and as always the time had gone as if it had been only a second in Finchley. Now that he was almost out of the house, Mel shouted to him to wait. He turned around and looked at his sister. Somehow he was angry because of her behaviour although a part of him could understand her. When he saw that she was crying, he felt sorry for his emotions and waited for what she wanted to say. It was the first time that she'd talked to him after he'd told her that he was in love with Stef. Mel stood in front of him, the picture of misery and said, "Please forgive me! Please!" James felt so good that she'd made the step. He hadn't liked the idea of leaving his little sister without having talked about it so he smiled and hugged her. With tears in his eyes he said, "I'm so happy that you don't hate me!" She sobbed, "How could I? I love you; you're my brother and my friend! You can't imagine how much my friends envy me! Not only because I'm Mel Bourne but also because you are the big brother who always has advice for me and who understands me!" He felt love for her, which was so strong that he started to cry. James couldn't remember that he'd ever cried in front of her before and by her reaction he could see that she had never seen him crying. She stood there with her hand over her mouth and couldn't say anything. For a moment he tried to regain his composure but as it seemed to be impossible, he let the tears roll down his face. James couldn't talk, only whisper, and asked his sister if she'd come with him to the airport. She nodded and so they sat in the backseat of the car. His dad who drove him there asked anxiously if everything was OK, but James could only nod. After a few minutes they arrived. He was the first one there and that was good, because he didn't want the other two see him crying like that. After he'd taken a few deep breaths, he pulled his sister into a corner of the terminal. She smiled and cried at the same time and asked, "Why did you cry? I've never seen you crying in my life!" He tried to smile. "Do you think that I'm strong?" She nodded and after a moment of silence James said, "I'm not strong! Perhaps I should trust you more. I've cried a lot! I couldn't tell you. You were a little girl, but now..." Mel frowned, "James! Not this, Now you're a lady" stuff again!" He answered "No, don't worry! But now you're at an age where you might understand me. I'll try to show you how I really am, okay?" She nodded and started crying again. "You always smiled! It hurts to know that you were feeling sad and that I didn't see it!" He sighed "I...you were too young! Don't feel guilty! I really love you! And you know what? Tomorrow we're in London for Top of the Pops and we're gonna sing 'Nothing is Impossible' as well, and when I sing my verse, I'll do it just for you!" Mel smiled "You're the best! But don't say, It's for my sister Mel' or something like that! That's embarrassing!" He grinned "OK! I won't say anything! But you�ll know it! And please smile again! I'm sure that all the guys in Finchley will go crazy when they see your amazing smile!" His little sister beamed and got a red face "JAMES! You know that I can't handle compliments!" James had to laugh. "That runs in the family!" Mel grinned "Come on! You get them everyday! Don't you get used to them?" He shook his head. "No. That's something I'll never get used to." Then they heard "James! Come on! Our plane..." It was Stef who was making her way through all the tourists. James looked at his little sister. "OK, I�m already missing you! Call me after you've seen me on TV, all right? I think we have to talk... and take care of Chris. You're a big sister!" She smiled at him and wiped his last tears away so that Stef wouldn't see them. "I can't ever be such a good sister to her as you are a good brother to me!" James's face turned red and Mel burst out laughing. "Gotcha!!!!!" |