Fan Fic
As You Are
Part 10 - Hey, We Have To Tell You Something
© Stef
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James opened his eyes and groaned. He had had such a nice dream! Stef had told him that she loved him and would always be there for him! Oh, it had felt so nice! As he glanced at his alarm clock he realized that he was late. Damn, why hadn't it yelled? He started shouting at the little clock. "You stupid thing! The guys will be annoyed just because of..." "Did you say something?" James shut up immediately and began to realise that the wonderful thing he'd remembered wasn't a dream. Stef came out of the bathroom and gave him a loving glance. "I'm sorry, I turned it off. You needed that sleep and I..." James nodded and smiled. "I just thought it had been a dream! A wonderful dream and that I woke up in the cruel reality!" Stef came over to him and brushed James's blonde hair out of his face. James felt a shiver down his spine and he closed his eyes for a second. As he listened to Stef whispering he was so full of love that he thought he would scream. Stef's words were so sweet. "You won't ever have to wake up again. This is OUR dream! And no nightmare! Did I already tell you how sweet you are?" James had to smile. He'd never imagined that love could feel so good. He felt Stef's fingertips on his face. When he opened his eyes again, he looked directly into hers. James just lay there and let Stef stroke his face. He was too shy to say or do anything.
They had sat there for a while when Stef kissed James tenderly. Even this innocent kiss made James feel his whole body tickling. He was very thankful that his best friend knew him so well that she sensed it was too early for them to do all the "couple-stuff". Best friend - now she was more than that. She was HIS girlfriend. Stef whispered "And you can't imagine how sweet you are when you're sleeping!" James blushed. He wasn't used to getting compliments like that and he answered, "You just say that to see my red face!" Stef shook her head and grinned "Sweetie. Don't be embarrassed! I'm saying the truth!" James smiled at Stef. "Now I'd better get dressed! We're already late!" "Please pass me the toast, hun!" James said to Stef when they were having breakfast. Ki, Charlie and Richard were joining them and Mattie sat on another table with his mobile in his hand. It seemed as if he'd been crying and as James looked at Charlie - who always knew when something was wrong - Charlie answered "He longs for Kerry and Dani. It's very hard for him these days!" James felt very sorry for Mattie cause he normally was such a funny guy and when he was like that, he really had to feel bad. Charlie sighed "The love!" Then he looked at James and smiled again "You're feeling good today, aren't you? I haven't seen you like this for weeks!" James nodded and said, "Yes, I feel great! Thanks. Thanks for everything you've done for me!" Charlie seemed to be astonished and asked him "What?" James just smiled. It was a nice breakfast for all - except Mattie who sat there and listened to Kerry's voice. Ki was in a good mood. He joked all the time and the first time for a long while James could laugh at his jokes and he felt SO hungry! While all the others just were eating their toast he had ordered an English breakfast with everything and polished it off really quickly. Stef looked at Charlie "Thanks for yesterday! We've talked!" Ki looked very confused. James grinned, "Ki, I'll explain! Charlie was concerned cause I was so quiet the last weeks and so he'd talked to Stef. Stef had talked to me and now everybody is OK again. That's all. Almost..." Charlie, Richard and Ki looked curiously at him and Stef smiled. In Stef's eyes he could read that she knew that James was about to tell everyone the truth. He took a deep breath cause this wasn't easy. Charlie already knew that he loved Stef but nothing about this great news. When he had calmed himself down a bit, he said, "I love Stef... Stef loves me. And we're, well she is my... We are a couple!" Stef took his hand and whispered, "Now it's official!" After a short moment of silence, the guys started talking simultaneously. Richard asked if that was the reason why James had been so quiet for the last weeks. He wasn't sure what to say because it was just a small part of the truth. As if it would be THAT easy! Stef looked at him. Her eyes told him that he should tell the truth, but he just couldn't! It had been hard enough to tell it to Stef and she was his best friend. The time just wasn't right; it was too early for something like that. Perhaps he wouldn't ever tell. He just nodded. Charlie sighed. "Please James! You've nodded enough. I almost forgot how your voice sounds! But I always said that you're a nice couple!" James grinned and answered, "Yeah, you were right - as always. Satisfied?" Charlie smiled and his eyes showed that something would follow. "You're just disappointed, that I'm the genius who saw it first!" Ki looked a few times from James to Stef and back and said after a few minutes, "God! I've known the two of you almost my whole life! I'd never thought that you would be in love with each other." Then he grinned and added "Jesus, what will Mrs Donovan say?" Stef laughed and James joined her as he imagined the face of that gossiping old lady with her corner shop. But after a second he realized how it would be to come home and to tell everybody that he was in love with his best friend. His parents would be shocked, he knew that, but they'd accept it. What about his brothers and sisters? Chris wouldn't understand it, and Mel would hate it, as Stef was one of Mel's best friends, and she had always had to share Stef with James, which she hated. Suddenly James felt like he was going to vomit. Richard looked at him. "James?? Are you feeling okay? You're so pale!" He stood up and walked over to him and James moaned, "No, I think I've eaten too much or something!" Stef looked at him with a worried expression in her eyes and James tried to calm her down "Stef, it's nothing serious!" He couldn't go on talking because he felt the things he'd eaten come up again and so he took a deep breath to calm his stomach. Stef came over to him as well. When he felt that he couldn't keep it any longer inside, he ran to the toilet to vomit. Afterwards he cleaned himself up and looked down, ashamed, when Stef entered the room "Hey, how are you now?" James sighed "Much better. I've really eaten too much! It's just... I can't eat a lot when the voice is there and now that it's gone I once again felt how hungry I really was." His friend stroked his right arm and said, "But if something's on your mind, you'd tell m, wouldn't you?" James nodded and immediately hated himself for lying again. Yesterday had been a good start for something new but he couldn't change overnight. He needed some time to get used to the new situation. Although James didn't like to admit it, he had just got used to fooling Stef and to shutting his feelings and fears out from everyone. He had to learn to trust in somebody and that wasn't that easy. Right now it was too much. Stef smiled at him. "James, please stop nodding! I want to hear your voice. You have such a beautiful voice, so why don't you use it?" He sighed. It had become so normal for him just to nod at everyone's questions. He looked deep into her eyes and smiled "Ok, I love you, Stef! Now I said something!" Stef whispered, "You could say that the whole day!" James and Stef went back into the room where the others were. Now Mattie was sitting next to Richard and looked up. "Hey, what did Richard just tell me?" James felt so nice and grinned from one ear to the other "Yeah, me and Stef are together!" He sat down on his chair and sighed. Matt laughed, "Why are you sighing? Wow, that's great! A little strange for me, to be honest! Just that the two of you have been best mates all your lives. Do you know what I mean?" James nodded. He imagined how he would have reacted if another band member was together with her. Charlie, for example. ****** The five lads stood in the African countryside and smiled into the camera while they were singing. It was the third day of their stay in South Africa. The sun was shining, there was no wind and they felt great because the next day they would have a holiday, the first time for a month. But they didn't complain cause their schedule wasn't as full as the previous year and there was much more space to be at home for a while. This time it was for a whole week and everyone was going to see their families. Mattie could hardly concentrate on the last takes as his mind already was at home with Kerry and their daughter. Stef looked very tired this evening. They all did, but nobody was as exhausted as her. That was no wonder, because as she sang the main takes in "Rain of Roses" she had to do the most video sequences. James was a little worried, as always when his friend was so tired, and told her that she needed some sleep and something to eat. A tired smile broke over Stef's face and she shook her head. James got angry "Stef, you have to eat! I don't want you to collapse on the floor!" The two were sat at a table in the hotel restaurant. Ki had gone out with Mattie to take his mind off his family, Charlie was in his room phoning Georgina, and Richard was already in bed. Fletch was there as well to take a look at "his" band - James hated his control visits because normally being in the band was really fun but Fletch was a very strict manager. He didn't like long parties and loud evenings because it could be bad for the image. That's all that he cared about: the image and the money. And that's the reason why James was very afraid of Fletch' reaction concerning him and Stef. James took a little piece of the pizza on his plate with the fork and looked at his friend. "If you don't want to eat yourself I have to force you to do it! Open your mouth!" Stef grinned and shook her head once again. James smiled because he felt so good around Stef. The dark haired singer looked like a little child and that made her even more adorable. He played the strict father "My girl, you have to eat that. Don't you wanna become tall and strong?" Stef started "I'm alrea..." and then James put the fork into her mouth. Both of them started laughing. James glanced at the clock next to the elevator and noticed that Fletch was coming towards them. He looked as strict as always and said, "How often did I tell you not to play at being a couple!" James got a bit scared because he knew Fletch wouldn't like what he was about to hear. Stef also looked up and answered simply "It's not a game!" Their manager seemed angry. "I'm not in the mood for your foolish games!" James had to do or say something, if not he would have gone mad. So he stood up, bent over the table and kissed Stef on the mouth. As he hadn't done it before he felt strange when he sat down again. Somehow he was surprised that he had the courage to do so and the taste of Stef's mouth still was on his lips. Stef seemed to be astonished as well. She stared at him and didn't move until Fletch started shouting. "You little bastards! I should have known it. You were too close from the beginning on! Follow me. I don't wanna discuss it here in front of all these people!" James looked at Stef and felt strong. He had done something special and was proud of it. Stef didn't seem to feel very well and so James took her hand and squeezed it to calm her down a bit. "OK, guys. There are two options for you. First: you act as if nothing has happened..." Fletch paced to and fro in his room and looked at the two band members who were standing by the door. They didn't want to sit down and just stood there, hand-in-hand, waiting for the bad news. Stef interrupted him. "No, that's impossible. It's not wrong what we're doing! It's natural and I don't wanna hide the fact that I have found the one I love!" James nodded and said "Yeah, I'm not ashamed of my feelings!" Fletch' face went red and he stared at the couple. "That's what I thought you'd say! OK, listen: My second suggestion: You tell the whole world and James leaves the band!" That was a shock. James clutched at Stef's shoulder. He shook his head and whispered, "No. That was a joke. Tell me that you're joking." He didn't need an answer cause Fletch wasn't a man who joked. There was an awkward silence until Stef asked "Why James? Why not me?" James didn't need to know the answer. He knew that Stef was everybody's darling. All the fans out there loved her and she sang a line in almost every song. He said "No, Stef. He is right! If you leave, Busted couldn't go on. But if I leave it would be OK!" He was shivering and felt the tears coming up. Stef turned to him and looked into his eyes. "James, stop thinking what he wants you to think!" She sounded angry and added, "I told you I wouldn't leave you! If you go, I'll go as well!" Now he couldn't hold his tears anymore. He cried and said, "No, if you go as well, the others lose their jobs! I want you to go on!" Stef took his hand again and hugged him. "Guys, we have to talk to you!" Stef said in a serious tone. She was sitting on her bed next to James. Mattie and Ki sat on the window seat and luckily were sober, as they didn't dare to get drunk when Fletch was around. Charlie sat on a chair and looked worriedly at the two guys. James felt like shit. He had cried for the last two hours and now he was afraid of what the lads would say. He cleared his throat and said, "I'm leaving the band." The three lads were shocked and Ki was the first to speak. "James! You can't leave the band! What did we do? Was it me?" He seemed to be honest and James felt the tears in his eyes again as he continued "No, you're all wonderful. You are the best that could have happened in my life and how you reacted yesterday when I told you that I love Stef showed me that you are great but not everybody accepts the way I'm feeling." Charlie suddenly caught on. "Fletch!" James couldn't go on talking and so Stef did the rest. "Yes, he gave us an ultimatum. Either we act as if nothing has happened or James has to leave the band!" Ki shook his head "No! He can't do that! James was with us from the first! He founded BUSTER with us and he's the one who keeps us going!" James felt the tears running down his face again. He didn't want to. It was so hard to cry in front of them all. It already was hard in front of Stef but this was too much. He stood up and wanted to leave when Mattie caught him and took him in his arms. He whispered "Shhh! You know what? If you go, I go as well! And I'm sure that Charlie and Ki say the same! We could do it without Fletch! James, I know we have a contract but there has to be a way. He can't fire you because of this. It's against the law! I won't leave you alone, you're my best mate!" James felt so much better. He was surprised and asked unsurely, "I am?" Mattie nodded. "Of course you are! Didn't I tell you?" James shook his head and answered, "The only thing you said is that only Stef can handle me!" Mattie hugged him once again and said "God, you remember that? I told you..." "...That you didn't mean it, I know!" Mattie began to cry and James felt guilty. He sat down again and said, "Please don't cry. Oh god, what should I do?" The band stood in the corridor in front of Fletch' door and James knocked on the door. "Fletch, please open the door!" It was very late at night but they didn't care. This was too important. James felt good because the other four lads were the best friends that he could imagine. But he was afraid of Fletch' reaction. "Why the hell are you disturbing me in the middle of the night?" He opened the door and seemed to be surprised. "All of you? What's up?" Mattie walked towards their manager and said, "Mr , I'm very sorry to have to inform you that the group Busted feels compelled to end the cooperation with you. We are very thankful for your work over the last years but under the given circumstances and because of personal reasons we don't see any other way. We are giving notice to you and your management. We are one group with five members and any of us is important. Thank you very much for listening!" James was very impressed of Mattie's choice of words. It had sounded very professional and Fletch seemed to be shocked. He stuttered "But...guys...please�come in!" It was a very long night and when they stopped talking it was already daytime outside. They had won. Fletch knew how much they were worth to him.. Now Fletch sat there and looked at James and Stef. James could see that he didn't like the idea of a couple in his band. His manager said, "OK, James, you can stay! I don't know what's going to happen and I don't have any advice for you! Now leave me alone. I want to sleep, in two hours we're flying back home!" James stood up to do what his manager had told him but Charlie held him back. "Fletch, didn't you forget something?" His voice was as cold as ice and James shivered cause he had never heard Charlie talking like that before this night. During the discussion he'd shown a new side to himself and James knew that he had to be very annoyed. Fletch didn't seem to understand and that made Charlie even angrier. He shouted "What about an apology? Nobody has the right to talk to my friend the way you did!" James tried to calm him down. He said silently "Charlie, it's OK!" "NO! It's NOT!" Charlie answered and looked at Fletch. Their manager didn't feel very good - James could see that. He stood up and walked over to James, cleared his throat and said "I'm sorry, James!" He gave him his hand and James shook it. He didn't like the way Fletch had apologised cause he knew it wasn't from himself but it was better than nothing. Afterwards, Fletch tried it with Stef as well but the girl from Finchley rejected his hand with the words "You've made him cry. You've hurt him. You've made him feel that he's worthless. But he isn't! People like you are!" James hadn't expected words like that and somehow he was shocked that his friend had talked that way but somehow he also felt good. Ki was really taken aback "Stef! How can you say that? Even if you think it... Now you aren't anything better than him." But Stef didn't excuse herself. Stef sat next to James on the plane and smiled at him. "I'm sorry for...that with Fletch... last night. I just had to say that. I remembered the things you told me and it made me sick when he treated you as if you were less important than somebody else. Please don't EVER think that anybody else in this world is more important than you are. Not me, not anyone, OK?" James nodded but he didn't agree. Of course Stef was more important for the band and he, James, was so unimportant for the whole world. That was for sure. But for Stef he knew he was more important to her than anyone else and that helped to mend his fragile heart. |