Scene Nine

 

In one, WAR LORD strides in from the right followed by a nervous CHANG and WANG. WAR LORD She stole his smackeroonies!

CHANG & WANG

She stole his smackeroonies---
She stole them, it's true;
To steal one's smackeroonies
Is a lousy thing to do.

Fooey on Molly,
We're sure you'll concur---
Fooey on Molly,
Fooey on her!

WAR LORD They weren't his smackeroonies---they were mine!

CHANG & WANG

They're master's smackeroonies
And that makes it worse---
She stole his smackeroonies
Right out of master's purse.
Fooey on Molly,
It's fooey, kind sir,
Fooey on Molly!
Fooey on her! WAR LORD Will you two shut up! So that demon woman murders the Baron von Steiglitz and outwits Johnny Glissando. But I tell you she will not outwit me---the cleverest man in all of China. She will not outwit me if I have to go to meet her on the Shanghai Express myself! (THEY march off. Curtains part and we are in a small, rather dingy, sparsely furnished hotel room in Suchow. A man with his back to the audience stands at the window peering through binoculars. Then he turns face front, and we discover it is the BARON. A tap at the door. HE opens it and admits a woman, her face hidden by a large grocery bag. SHE sets the bag on the table, and we see that it is CLARISSE. Only she has dyed her hair the same shade of blonde as Molly and wears it in the same fashion.)
  CLARISSE Anything yet?

BARON

Not a sign.

CLARISSE

Don't worry, darling. She'll come.

BARON

And what have we in the bag?

CLARISSE

Champagne and more champagne…and caviar.

BARON

Moet '23. Beluga caviar. The things she loved most.

CLARISSE

Oh, really?

BARON

As if you didn't know.  But what is the occasion?

CLARISSE

Us.

Some people met in Biarritz,
Some meet in Scottish glens,
Some in Nairobi
And even the Gobi,
And some meet in opium dens.

BARON

Some people meet at parties,
Some on an omnibus,
Some meet in valleys
Or very dark alleys,

TOGETHER                                         But that's not the way it was with us. We met in the ocean,
We met in the sea,
While struggling and groping,
I found you
And you found me.

We met in the ocean,
We met dans la mer,
While grasping at flotsam,
I looked up
And you were there.

CLARISSE

How strange
To find the one to adore me,
How strange
To find him there in the blue.

BARON

I was drowning,
My whole life passed before me,
And all at once
You did, too.

TOGETHER

And when we have children,
We'll give them a shove
Straight into the water,
For what we're thinking of
Is perhaps
One day in the ocean,
They, too, will find love.

BARON Oh, my beloved.

CLARISSE

Oh, my darling.

BARON

This is very expensive champagne. Did you cash another wet traveler's cheque?

CLARISSE

Oh, I ran out of those last week. Don't worry, darling. I cabled Daddy. Here's to every affair which ever began in the middle of the Pacific.

                                                                                      (THEY toast.)
 

CLARISSE

And here's to getting the briefcase and returning it to the War Lord and getting all that lovely money.

BARON

The War Lord? Never.

CLARISSE

But you said…

BARON

The War Lord thinks I'm dead. We shall leave it at that.

CLARISSE

But the briefcase. What shall you do with it once we've gotten it?

BARON

The Japanese. They will pay far more than the War Lord.

CLARISSE

The Japanese? Are they in on this, too? Everything in the Orient is so complicated. Not at all like the British Empire.

BARON

Some day it will be just the same.

CLARISSE

Never.

BARON

You dare question the Baron Conrad von Steiglitz on political prophecy?

CLARISSE

You may know political prophecy, my darling, but I know the Empire. In time, the Rockies may crumble, Gibraltar may tumble, they're only made of clay. But not the Empire…or Daddy's money. Now where were we?

BARON

The briefcase…

CLARISSE

Ah, yes. To getting the briefcase. And after that…

BARON

Yes, my beloved?

CLARISSE

To the total destruction of Mandalay Molly.

                                                                                   (THEY click their glasses and drink.)
 
 

BLACKOUT