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Guide To Scientific Communication (they say, they really mean)

It has long been known:
I haven't bothered to look up the reference.

It is believed:
I think.

It is generally believed:
A couple of other guys think so too.

It is not unreasonable to assume:
If you believe this, you'll believe anything.

Of great theoretical importance:
I find it kind of interesting.

Of great practical importance:
I can get some mileage out of it.

Typical results are shown:
The best results are shown.

Three samples were chosen for further study:
The others didn't make sense, so we ignored them.

The four hour sample was not studied:
I dropped it on the floor.

The four hour determination may not be significant:
I dropped it on the floor, but scooped most of it up.

The significance of these results is unclear:
Look at the pretty artifact.

It has not been possible to provide definitive answers:
The experiment was negative, but at least I can publish the data.

Correct within an order of magnitude:
Wrong.

It might be argued that:
I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it.

Much additional work will be required:
This paper is not very good, but neither are all the others in this field.

These investigations proved highly rewarding:
My grant is going to be renewed.
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