My dream are bearing
theeir first fruits
as I rush towards
graduation next month

But my spirit seems
to be lost in a
dim twilight
that comes before
the dawning of a new day

Only I don't know
how to find my way
how to break free
of this endless cycle

It held my spirit
captive for so long
a belief of insignificance
of nothingness
that despite everything
I really don't matter

Sometimes it feels like
I'm only fooling myself

What chance
do I have

It's nothing new
these thoughts
only I can't seem
to reach my
safe harbor
as I used to

Only the fog
of uncertainty
blocks my sight
as I sit miserably
by myself
writing finally
of these thoughts

My desire flew
out the window
I don't know what
happened one moment
tomorrow's bright promise
carried me over the
waves of doubt

But now
even my brain
my thoughts
crawl like molasses
fighting to free me
to save me once again

Only I find myself
not caring
just let me crawl
away by myself

Into my darkness
perhaps it is
where I belong

I'm so close to success
why does it plague me now
just a little further
towards the dawn
towards the new beginning
that I prayed for

But the twilight
is so seductive
lost to the
passion and pain
that flows in me

I'm floundering
fighting for air
pointing the way
yet afraid to ask
for the help I need

Paul Vernon Deffendall
March 31, 1996

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