"RAINBOW" TREASURES
OF LIFE
-- HERBERT SPENCER
Psalms 84:12
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I am a person who used to compromise my own values that I knew were absolutely true in order to gain the admiration and respect of others. I thought if I really said how I felt about something; took a stand on what I knew was "right" and "true" then other people wouldn't want to be around me or be my friend. So many people in our world today are living their lives in this thought process. It is not God's way for any person to compromise their "real" selves; their integrity, in order to meet others' approval.
This is called being a "people pleaser" and the more modern term for this behavior is known as "Co-Dependence." We will never find lasting happiness, peace and joy in our lives by being a "people-pleaser"... a "Co-Dependent" person.
Here is a quote that I came across awhile ago. It speaks about my life and how I am on my personal recovery and spiritual path of choosing daily to live MY life as the real and authenic human being God created me to be.
"I was always looking outside myself for strenth and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there ALL the time."
Author: Anna Freud
I am creating this website to possibly assist others in finding help who may be struggling with being a "people-pleaser/Co-Dependent." May God be with whomever this message touches and may they realize they are not alone! Keep trusting and putting your faith in God. The answers will come...in God's time and when you are ready! That's a promise! Please don't give up five minutes before the miracle!
The definition of a "people-pleaser" or "Co-Dependent is: Taking care of someone else's responsibility when they are physically and mentally able to take care of their own responsibilities. A care-taker instead of a care-giver.
I would like to inform people that God loves us and wants His children to be happy, joyous and free to be the expressions of His goodness and light. In order to BE that which our Creator, the God Almighty of this World and beyond, would have us BE, we need to get our thinking caps on and begin digging. I find that there is a huge difference between religion and spirituality today. I do not proclaim to be a religionist. I believe in the life-changing Power and Grace of a Living and Loving God. I profess to be a spiritual Christian who truly tries to live each day as God would have me live; being true to God, myself and with whomever should step onto my path. This does not mean I am perfect. My life is with success and failure. However, today, I am aware that whatever my failures I can accept them and be willing to surrender the difficult times over to the care and love of God, who is my shield and strenth. He gives me the ability to apply His wisdom in my life, if I so choose. Failures are only lessons in life, if we are willing to admit our failures, accept them and then be willing to change our ways. With God, all things are possible! He doesn't give us anymore than we can handle TODAY!
Religion binds us to a set of rules, regulations and traditions that holds our souls captive to whatever man has manifested in this world and keeps us "outer" focused instead of "inner" directed. Spirituality does not hold people captive...it is freeing. Remember Jesus saying, "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you."
We do not go to church to please any other person; whether it be your neighbor, your family, spouse, significant other, friends, or even the priest, minister/pastor, or rabbi. We go to church to worship and praise Almighty God and to seek God's Divine grace, truth and love. When we attend church in order to keep up appearances, to see who is there, to make our guilt and shame go away for things we know we did wrong without changing the root problem of why we did the "wrongs" then we have missed out on God's grace and glory. We are hiding from ourselves...our "real" selves behind the disguise of "religion." This is another Co-Dependent trap that enslaves us into "people-pleasing" behaviors.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
AA Big Book, Pgs. 83-84
If we willingly surrender ourselves to the spiritual discipline of the Twelve Steps, our lives will be transformed. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential. We will discover that we are both worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth. Courage and fellowhip will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new, hidden talents. Our lives, no matter how battered and degraded, will yield hope to share with others. We will begin to feel and will come to know the vastness of our emotions, but we will not be slaves to them. Our secrets will no longer bind us in shame. As we gain the ability to forgive ourselves, our families, and the world, our choices will expand. With dignity we will stand for ourselves, but not against our fellows. Serenity and peace will have meaning for us, as we allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with God's ease, balance, and grace. No longer terrified, we will discover we are free to delight in life's paradox, mystery, and awe. We will laugh more. Fear will be replaced by faith, and gratitude will come naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
From: Al-Anon's book: "From Survival To Recovery"
God grant me the Serenity
To Accept the Things I cannot change;
The Courage To Change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right,
If I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
~ Reinhold Niebuhr ~
