Hi. Its Pat for the litls of LeKZ and us litls disidid to mak a page to susplane mullipl persinalitys to evrybody that duzen get it and is to chiken to ask. Penny shes 10 gonna rite wat we say cos of my spellen not to gud and we want evryon to unnerstan wat we sed. Shes gonna rite zacly wat we say an maby sumtims if we dono a word she ull tell us.
Biguns can reed other info on mullipls riten by our Pertecker Guido by cliken here.
Ok Penny here you go.
Other note!! This page is for grownups and not just kids and sometimes there might be hard words in it. If you're an Inside kid, ask your big ones what it means. If you're an Outside kid, you should probably not be reading this without a grownup to help you understand, unless you're a big kid like 14 or something. There are no naughty words here but we are talking about big people hurting children, so you might get upset.
The first thing you need to know is how we did it. We didn't do it on purpose but the Baby That Was Born did it.
You know the game 'Hot Potato'? If you don't, it's where a circle of kids have a hot potato in their hands and have to throw it to the next kid to keep from it burning their hands. We think it's a dumb game but becoming multiple and getting more people Inside is exactly like Hot Potato.
The Baby That Was Born was abused from the day she was born. She could stand it until when she was 6 weeks old and accidentally breathed some stuff into her lungs that the fxthxrperp (perp means criminal) shouldn't ever have put in her mouth in the first place. She choked and choked and would have stopped breathing, so her mind made me, Pat, to breathe for her. Well as far as I know, she stopped breathing once I was there, 'cause of she isn't In here, and she isn't Out there, so we know she died from choking. Besides, I know what she felt like when she died. It's not the sorta thing a kid forgets.
The body got pneumonia (you say 'new-MO-nia') from breathing in that stuff to the lungs. I couldn't do the breathing by myself 'cause of it's too hard when you have pneumonia. Pneumonia is when your lungs are all full of like runny snot and there's no room for air to go in. You're drowning in your own lungs. It's very icky and dangerous and you can die. But I didn't die 'cause of I made some more babies to help the body keep breathing, so we got about 200 Little Pneumonia Babies to take turns being the one to breathe, and fight off the infection. Just like Hot Potato. Only one baby would have got too tired, and died. But since there were bunches of us we all had time to rest between turns and could live.
Later, the body got better, but those babies that were made for the pneumonia were still Inside, and still sick, 'cause of handling having pneumonia was their whole job. I didn't stay sick with the other babies though, 'cause I was made to be a Protector, and couldn't stay sick. There were other things I needed to do! We weren't safe just 'cause of being seven weeks old and dying of pneumonia. O, no. Not with our pxrxnts.
Me, Pat, I am one the First Ones. Jani is also 4 and she is too. She was made for Communication and Learning External stuff. Hari was sent Outside the body (he always thought it was like orbiting the body's head -- he and Jani were twins. He turned to a boy later and it's complicated and not important why.) so he wouldn't ever be hurt. He peeked sometimes, like when we saw the first movie in our life, which was 'My Fair Lady'. He turned out Cockney. He identified with the people that are shoved around. A lot of us do, of course. But once he came Inside, and became 'Arry, he became one of the biggest political and social (Internal, and External) justice ones in the System. He didn't get Inside until the late '90s. And he didn't manage to miss out on being hurt. But he wasn't got by anybody Outside. I'll explain that a little later.
Us babies Inside did play and stuff. But the fxthxrperp (and sometimes the mxthxrperp, and lots of other perps they invited) was doing bad sex things to the body. He had started right away when the Baby That Was Born was born and he didn't quit. There had to be ones for handling the bad sex things. I don't remember making them on purpose, but most everyone here who was just a bad sex victim (not real violent, I mean) is a split from me.
They used to be called the 'A and B Groups', and the As were all ones who left the body and saw what the fxthxrperp did to it and were angry, and the Bs were the ones who stayed in the body and had it done to them and were ashamed and depressed. When they first came Out, they wrote lots of icky poetry about the incest (bad sex things done to kids by family and trusted adults). If you're safe, you can find it here. Those ones were there playing Hot Potato of incest. The littler they are, the more of them we got. He did the incest until the body was 19, and there was only one A and one B from that age 'cause of they were bigger and stronger. But all the As and Bs ever did was be incested. They never saw daytime 'cause of he did that at night. Their job was only to get that done to them and keep it Inside.
Other ones went to school Outside. They didn't have the incest 'cause of they couldn't have that and be kids in school and not get crazy. The school ones had a very mean, sadistic (that means he liked to hurt and scare people) gym teacher. He didn't like to actually teach gym, so if the weather was warm, he'd just make the kids run around the Central Park Reservoir in New York. That's about 2.4 miles (3.84 Km). The body has asthma (a kind of sick which makes breathing very hard) from the first pneumonia and the second one we'll tell you in a minute. And we had allergies too but the parentperps didn't believe in medicine and never took us to the doctor enough -- that's a whole other story. Anyway, we were fat, and littler than all the other kids 'cause of they skipped us up two grades, and couldn't run very much at all and always got left behind. So we walked. 'Cause of it was Spring and there were flowers and pollen making our allergies and asthma worse and we couldn't breathe but we had to go around the Reservoir. Now we wonder how come we didn't just get out of sight and sit down and then get up when the period was over and go back to school, but we've always been too honest for our own good sometimes even. So we would be halfway around the Reservoir like on maybe 100th Street which that's in Harlem and maybe another hour to go (we always got back to school more than an hour late) and all alone and just little so we needed somebody to protect us. So we had to make somebody. He's a really big guy who likes kids and isn't scared of nothing and could walk around that Reservoir without being scared. The school going kids were just 6 and a girl but Tex was a big grownup who would protect us and we saw flashers and stuff in the Park and he just laughed and never worried. He carried the potato for gym, especially when we had to run around the Reservoir.
The Bigger Pneumonia Babies were sick for a long time, 'cause of they were in a coma so we couldn't tell them they didn't need to be sick no more. We were up at a family place in the Mountains, up about 9000 feet (2728 Metres) above sea level which means there's not a lot of air there. (There's a lot of sciencey stuff to explain that. Get your Bigs to tell you.) Actually, that high up there's really, really not a lot of air. We live at 5280 feet (1600 Metres) now and our whole body had to change 'cause of the less air so now we go down to sea level and the too much air almost makes the body feel high on drugs. Well, the body was only about 2 years old and they took us way up there in the mountains and the body got sick and from a cold got pneumonia again. The motherperp has totally changed the story now from how she used to tell it, 'cause of she doesn't want to remember the truth now. But how she used to tell it was the body got sick and had a temperature of 106° F (41° C) and got into a coma. (A coma is like asleep and you can't get woken up because your body is too busy trying to fix itself.) She used to say we were in a coma for 6 whole days before her brother finally said 'I'm not going to stand here and watch you let that baby die.' and he called for a doctor to come by helicopter. The parentperps didn't call the doctor, and they could've done it any time. Our LeKZMedical alters say we would have probably died from dehydration (that means drying out) at that altitude 'cause of we were so little and sick and the body was so hot and the air up there is so much less of it and it makes you dry, and not even from the not breathing part of pneumonia. But we made 800 2 year old Bigger Pneumonia Babies to play Hot Potato with breathing and fighting the infection and not letting it kill the body. By the time our uncle got the doctor, those kids had already fought it off and we were getting better. But the motherperp said we had to learn to talk and walk all over again.
Those Bigger Pneumonia Babies stayed in a special Intensive Care ward Inside, in oxygen tents, so they could breathe okay. But since they were in a coma, we weren't able to explain to them that it's over and they didn't gotta be sick all the time. it took help from Healer, who's an alter of our Outside Biguns, (the Biguns' boyfriend -- they're multiple too) to get the Bigger Pneumonia Babies well again. The Little Pneumonia Babies have been well for a few years now, and just live in the Nursery with the other infants of all the groups.
You get a group to play Hot Potato every time there's an experience too bad for any one person's mind to handle. That's how come there are so many of us. We have more than 20,000 alters and fragments. The fragments are the ones in the groups who really didn't do anything more than take a turn breathing, or take a turn being sexed, or like that. The alters are the ones who have feelings about it. But everyone saved the life, and not counting the frags would be not fair. If they didn't all take turns to catch the potato from the first kid, the body would be dead or the mind would be crazy or both.
The worse the experience, and the littler the kid when it happens, the more of them you need to play Hot Potato to survive.
Getting someone like Tex is a little different 'cause of he's not a circle of little kids, he's a grownup the mind created to not be scared. No amount of kids could have not been scared. We needed a grownup.
That's true for Guido, too. The fatherperp was really mean to the motherperp all the time. We were just little and couldn't stop him. He didn't hit her but he messed with her mind a lot. We didn't like it for three reasons: 1) we don't think people should be mean to each other at all and 2) we needed at least one sane parent, and also too 3) she used to talk to us about it like we were her therapist or something when the body was only 6. So we wanted him to stop but how can a little girl stop her big, grownup father from being mean to her mother? We needed a big, grownup guy, who was tough and strong and meaner than the fatherperp. We needed him, so he started existing. That's how multiple minds work: if they need somebody to do a job, that person just starts to be there. After the first few times it's just automatic. Guido's a New York Mafia guy. He was 45 always 'cause of that was older than the motherperp was then, and old enough to protect her. He isn't afraid of people and tells them what he thinks and expects them to be afraid of him. He told the fatherperp off lots of times when he was being too mean to the mother. He made him go apologise, sometimes he'd even wake him up to make him go apologize. We looked like an angry little girl, but we weren't one then. Guido was the one in the body doing the talking. Guido's written lots of pages for survivors, therapists, and partners. You can find them here.
The motherperp always used us for a therapist even from when we were too little to understand much about anything. The Big ones call this 'age-inappropriate'. She never went to a real therapist, and she didn't have friends 'cause of she's a terrible snob (she was a Hereditary Aristocrat which means in her country she was better than nearly everybody, like the Queen or something) so she talked to us. When we were 6 and started at school (in the class for advanced second and slow third graders) we never knew what we'd have to face when school was finished. Sometimes she'd come to get us with her eyes all puffed up from crying, or sometimes she'd be not talking, or sometimes she'd be talking kinda crazy and wouldn't stop. This never knowing how she would be went on our whole life and when we were bigger we found lots of excuses to stay late at school so we could avoid seeing her. But she always sat us down like after dinner and our homework and told us all about all of her problems with the fatherperp, including sex ones that weren't our business and we weren't old enough to be told them anyway.
We got a circle of little girls to play Hot Potato with the motherperp's problems, and one of them was made to be a grownup so we could listen to the stuff that she shouldn't be telling little kids. Actually, we got two sets of people. Our mind was separated when we were two into the Left Side and the Right Side. We got lots of sets of twins in here, just like the As and Bs, who were all twins, but they're all of them over on the Left Side. Our Right Side twins were the ones who were sad or depressed. Our Left Side ones were the ones who held all the angry that we couldn't show, ever. So Kassandra and Little Kassies and Bigger Kassies were on the Right Side from listening to the motherperp's problems, and they had twins over on the Left Side, Kurtis (he's gay) and Little Kellis and Bigger Kellis, who had the Hot Potato of being so mad at the motherperp for using us that way. Kurtis is a guy 'cause of it's more okay for guys to get mad than girls.
Dennis/Dave came to try to be a boy 'cause of we must have thought the incest would stop if we were a boy. It didn't of course, 'cause of they couldn't change the Outside body. Both of them are mad, but Dave is madder 'cause of he's the Left Side twin and he only ever wanted to kill the fatherperp, who died by himself from cancer.
esther/Ernest are from knowing the fatherperp wanted to have us aborted which for some reason he told us. Their names come from 'trimester' which is how they measure time while a lady's got a baby inside. Ernest wants only always to kill the motherperp because she refused to have an abortion 'cause of she wanted a kid and then look what she let him do to us....
We're not gonna tell you everybody, of course, that's ridiculous. There are some other ones who came here differently that we've gotta explain, though. They're not Hot Potato ones. And they're not grownups we got because we were too little to handle something and needed grownup help.
They're the Gaelic Gals. We gotta tell you some background first or you won't understand. Lots of this is pretty hard to believe, but it's all true, and we've even found several things to prove it.
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