Please note!!  If you are triggery or having a bad time right now, don't read this.  This is about a special kind of child-abuse called 'Military Mind-Control' and even though we aren't telling the bad stuff here, it is scary.  Be careful'cause of we don't want you to trigger yourself. Also, this stuff is really hard to believe.  If you can't believe it, that's okay, but the perps know people have trouble believing it and they count on that as a way to keep their bad secrets.  There are still people who don't believe the things that the Nazis did!

The fatherperp was a political fanatic (that means he was crazy in a special way: he believed that his country was the most important thing in the world.)   Some of our Biguns are really political now, too, but they're not crazy.  But he was a special kind of crazy man who was involved with the politics of a country that we can't tell you the name of it because it's too dangerous for us.  We'll call it 'X'.  So he worked for the Secret Intelligence Service (that's just fancy for 'spies') of X.  Well all the countries after World War II had learned some really wicked tricks for mind-control from Nazi war-criminals who were supposedly 'doctors' and did lots of experiments on lots of poor Jews and gay people and Gypsies and trade-union guys and other people.  Those bad doctors learned a lot about how to do things to people's minds.

Mind-Control means getting people to really believe what you want them to believe, and act the way you want them to act.  For more on this, if you're a Bigun or an older kid, click here.

The United States spy people learned this stuff from those bad doctors and they taught it to all the spy guys of all the countries that were their friends 'cause of this was during the Cold War (which was when everybody thought that the United States and the Soviet Union would one day be fighting and believed they had to have better weapons than the other guy) and they all wanted this secret weapon.  The secret weapon was people.  The Nazi ones figured out how to mess up people's mind so they were totally normal in every way except if they got a phone call or a letter with some words in it they would turn into a killer.  This is sometimes called Military Mind-Control (though it's also called 'Marionette Programming' sometimes and also 'Project Monach', too).  Some people made a movie about it a long time ago called 'The Manchurian Candidate' that was locked up for secret for like 25 years 'cause of it was too close to being true.  'Conspiracy Theory' from 1997 was also about Miltiary Mind-Control, and they could make that movie 'cause of the CIA (those are the spy guys in United States) just de-classified (that means they made the files not secret any more) some stuff they did with people that had minds that had been programmed like by the Nazi way.

The word programme is sometimes called brainwashing or conditioning, or behaviour modification.  It's more complicated than that, but we're not going to try to talk about it here.  If you want to read our Biguns' stuff they explain it pretty well.  Anyway, neither 'The Manchurian Candidate' nor 'Conspiracy Theory' said you can't programme anyone that isn't multiple to start with, but it's true.

Maybe the fatherperp started abusing us right from the day we were born 'cause of he planned to make us multiple.  Anyway, he gave us to the Spy Guys from X when the body was 2 for them to start training us to be one of their walking time bombs.

Since the father was a big shot there, they were not allowed to kill us, but nobody told us that.  They killed lots of kids in the training.  We had a tattoo (someones burnt it out of our arm a few years ago) that meant they weren't allowed to kill or permanently mess up our body.  We were trained to be a spy and an assassin (that's just someone who murders important people) by the Spy Guys of X.  We've got like 8000 kids from the 5 years of that training (we didn't spend 5 years in X -- like a month here and a month there) which stopped when we were 7 'cause of in X they know how to do it really fast.  Our Biguns know people who were trained here in America, and they don't get done till the kid is 17.

Well one time and we can't tell you when, X was at war with two other countries and needed more people to help them fight troops in a third, other country.  They didn't have time to train soldiers or nothing.  So they wrote to the parents of kids who were trained to be assassins and told them it was dangerous but would they send their kids to go fight that third country on a secret mission.  We remember the motherperp saying 'Yes, it's a good cause.'

So we were sent to X and they did a different kind of thing from our other training.  They put their own alters in our head.  These were like, pre-made alters who knew how to do special stuff.  There was a doctor one, and a mechanic one, and a couple of sharpshooter ones, and ones trained not to break under torture,  and a clergy one, and one whose job was to direct which alter should switch Out and use what weapon depending on the situation.  There were 15 of us assassin-trained kids there.  We all got the same set of alters.  42 of them in all.  They were totally blank in personality, just each of them had different skills.  They got dumped into the brains of us kids by mostly virtual-reality (yeah they had it back then -- it was just only for the military) and hypnosis and drugs. (Actually all of our training used that, but the time they put the Gals into our head they did it all at once).

The Gals did a sneaky thing to tell us that they were there 'cause of the motherperp.  Our system was sort of the Right Side were motherperp ones and the Left Side were fatherperp ones.  That's how come all the As and Bs were over on the Left Side.  It isn't always that same way with other multiples.  But the MMC people divide your brain in half on purpose 'cause of your brain has different strong parts on each side.  They didn't know that when they did that they actually helped us 'cause of then we could hide our angry twins over on the Left Side.  But all the spy kids from X are over on the Left Side.  There's only two groups from the X thing that are on the Right Side.  One of them is the Gals.  They didn't have personalities, only things they knew how to do, when the Spy Guys put them in our head (both Military Mind-Control and Satanic Ritual Abuse Cults know how to make alters on purpose and put them in your head) but they got their personalities from the basic personality of the Baby That Was Born.  Just like all of us did.  They talked the language of X and stuff, but they were all Irish and Scottish and Welsh and most important, they're all female.  That way, they were lots less likely to want to be soldiers for X when the body got older.  They aren't from X like the other MMC kids are.

When it was getting to be time for them to finally come Out, somehow they sent a message through the system so that all of a sudden Sara and them other studying ones were all interested in the ancient Irish.  Turns out the ancient Irish are the same people as the Mother's family comes from.  So that's how the Gaelic Gals told us that they had to be in a war 'cause of the motherperp.  They were only in the war for two weeks though it's really four weeks 'cause of all the MMC kids there were on drugs to stay awake and awake for the whole two weeks.

Even though every MMC person at the war got the same 42 alters, everyone's got different things they're better at.  So our one Cáilean who was the Medic one was better at it than the other ones' Medics 'cause of we've always been good with medicine.  And we're what they call a 'born leader' so even though everyone had a Commanding Officer one, our Síobhan got more power than the other ones' Commanding Officer ones.  If there was a problem with the regular Army guys it was Síobhan who handled them.  The Gals also write poetry, though it's pretty scary from being about war.  If you're a grownup or a really big, strong kid, you could read it here.

So that's how alters come to be Inside.

But they don't always have to stay the same like they were before.  Lilith was 6 and was made to go on the streets in X and get men to do sex to her and then she had to take their money and some other stuff.  But she grew up and is 24 now and helps take care of all the MMC kids.

In our system, if you get more responsibility or if you are needed to take care of other people, you get older.  We even had some frags turn into real whole people!  And some, like the Gaelic Gals who were trained to be tortured and never talk, well we were lucky and never needed them.  But for a little while during the end of our Biguns' marriage, Síobhan was the person who was in charge 'cause of Inside, the Big Boss of Everything is Auntie, but she gives special jobs to the ones who do them better than anyone, and Síobhan is the best at keeping calm and being obeyed by everyone.  So she's adapted her old job to do a new one.  But it got so even she couldn't keep calm and leaned on Kathleen and Catríona a bit.

It is almost impossible for alters to die.  We know they can go off into places where nobody would go looking for them.  In us there used to be a place called The Dead Zone, and it was a kind of place inside where there was nothing.  No hope.  No pain.  No fear.  No happiness.  No reason to hurt the body.  No interest in anything.  We had a lot of teenaged ones in there who just didn't want to deal with life and preferred to just exist in there, where it was like no time passed 'cause of there's nothing there.  That was okay with us, 'cause they could have been problem kids if they were running around loose.

One of the reasons being multiple can be like being not well in your mind is if your alters are all running around loose.  If everybody isn't always in constant communication with everyone else so that no one gets Out who shouldn't get Out, you could have someone doing things that wouldn't be too good.  Like when we were really poor our ones who used to sell sex to men used to think we were stupid that we wouldn't just do it now.  But things are different from when they did it, like there's AIDS and stuff that didn't exist when they did it.  Plus most of us don't want to.  If we were not co-conscious with everyone, maybe they could have sneaked Out and did it anyway.  But we got only one Out door.  And Delphi's special job is to keep connected to everysinglebody personally which is hard but she can do it.  Also from when we first found out there were a lot of us, Sara put in phones and faxes and email and baby-monitors and every kind of thing for communication that she could think of so no one could sneak away or get lost by accident.  We don't use that much now, we've just kinda got a group telepathy mostly.  But not always.  There's lotsa ones that we don't want their memories leaking out all over.

Inside we've got a Psych Hospital (it's a nice place, not at all like real Outside Psych Hospitals -- yecch) where the ones who've been too much hurt to deal with people and need or want to be left alone can live.  We've also got a totally locked place where the MMC killer alters live.  They don't need anything.  They can have whatever they want.  But if they're dangerous or even just possibly dangerous to other people, they are kept behind locked doors.  Most of them prefer it so they don't gotta be afraid of hurting anyone ever again.  Slowly as the years have passed, more and more kids have gotten more and more well, and even if they're inpatient, they're not in lockdown units any more which is good.

We never had the 'blackouts' much, that other multiples sometimes have, where one person takes over the body.  That's because no one person is hardly ever allowed to take over the whole body.  The only times we have those is on the few times someone hurts the body.  Lots of people who've been hurt turn around and injure themself.  It doesn't make a lot of sense to us, but there's some writing here that explains part of it.  Partly whoever is hurting the body blocks everyone out so as not to get stopped, but also too we all agreed it wasn't fair that they should hurt everybody else in the body.  If they want to hurt the body and feel pain they should be the only one that has to feel it.

And we only lose track of time really badly if we switch a lot.  Being switchy is an icky feeling.  Someone, probably Auntie, called it feeling 'switchy, twitchy, and bitchy' and now you see that a lot on message boards for multiple people.  When we're switchy, we aren't coming Out because we want to be Out.   It's like a merry-go-round Inside and everyone's on their horses and it's going really, makeyousick fast, but the whole thing is covered up except for one part which is the Out door.  We all kind of go whizzing past the Out door for a bit and then the next one is Out.  It's very uncomfy and only happens if the whole system is upset about something.  It goes with our panic/anxiety disorder that we have medicine for but the medicine isn't always enough.

We just talked about only ourself and how you get alters and some of the things it's like to be multiple.  There's whole bunches of info on Auntie's Facts Pages.  But that's for grownups.  If we didn't tell you what you wanted to know or you're multiple and got questions or maybe also if you're not, too, you could email us and we could maybe tell you what you want to know.  We don't know everything, but our Bigs have a master's degree in psych and lots of practice with helping multiples.

We hope this all maybe helped you understand multiplicity better.

By By  Love Pat and the other Litles of LeKZ cortesy of Penny

©1998 Leilah el Khalil Zendavesta, please contact the author by email for permission to use or reprint any or all of the above. You dig?  We went to a lot of trouble to write this!
 

and