Flying by the Seat of my Tights
(a sequel to Rowan Atkinson's Pink Tights and Plenty of Props routine)
Dr.
Skudley: Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen, and thank you Pierre for that eloquent introduction. I am Dr. Skudley. Many of you who sailed last year on the Parkdale Princess will
remember me from that cruise as I assisted in a lecture on Shakespearian Drama
conducted by Mr. Stephen Bernard
(throat clearing from off stage)
Oh, right...I always forget that comma...make that Mr. Bernard Stephen. Since that time I have continued to work
with Mr. Stephen, whose lectures have been immensely successful...which, I
assure you, is a mystery to all of us.
Most recently, we have been conducting a series of lectures here at Cafe
Parkdale on the topic of improvisation.
So, without further ado, I now have the distinct...pleasure...of
introducing Mr. Stephen Bernard (cleared throat) right, right, right...Mr.
Bernard Stephen, as he comes to illustrate his lecture on Improvisation in the
Theatre entitled "Flying By The Seat Of My Tights."
(enter
Bernard...looking a tad perterbed at Dr. Skudley before acknowledging his
audience with a confident smile and nod...trip? lose composure then regain as though nothing happened)
Right.
So, "Flying By The Seat Of My Tights" by Bernard Stephen. (stretches shocked look from Skudley...pull
shirt down) Are we quite ready
yet? (contrite nod) Yes, so, as in any other profession, an
actor engaged in theatrical improvisation has a toolkit - of sorts - from which
he draws a variety of techniques with which to make his performance more
successful. First off, the improviser must
have some method with which to buy himself thinking time when he is momentarily
at a loss as to how to deal with a given scenario. Ergo, the stall. This is,
incidentally, the technique which Mr. Stephen most often calls upon. (Bernard's look tells us this obviously
wasn't part of the lecture) Now, a
stall must not diminish the polished effect that the actor hopes to portray,
and at the same time must avoid having a rehearsed quality. Here we see the actor stalling for time
by....(Bernard has bent down, doubled over)....looking at his kneecap? (irritaded - crouches down to tie his shoe
in a more natural posture) Ahh,
yes. I'm terrible sorry. It is the famous...Shoe Tying Stall. The stall is only necessary until the actor
gets an idea. (stands and get an
idea?) Often the improvisationalist
needs only a brief stall before an idea comes to him. (expertly ties shoe and stands with idea) Sometimes, a situation requires a little
more thought, and, consequently, a longer stall. (repeatedly ties and unties shoe, lacing around behind, etc. Finally stands.) Usually, such a stall provides adequate time to come up with a
response (almost has idea) but not always. (shakes head and bends down to other
shoe) However, when an idea does come
it comes swiftly. (immediately stands
with idea...very excited...look from Skud, shirt pull and self conscious exit
tripping on shoelace. Stands and hops
out) Now, often an actor knows exactly
what he is about to do, but still puts some sort of a break in the action in
order to build suspense. Such a
technique is called a Dramatic Pause.
For example, our hero is about to propose marriage to a fair maiden
(enters dramatically and goes down on one knee...about to speak) But, to add even further to the suspense of
the moment, pauses to smell a beautiful flower (reveals flower, smells flower,
stands to full height with flower)
which is attached to the base of her dress. (realizes what he's done...tries to flatten out dress. Slap.
Tries to keep girl there as she walks away. Faces front with a disgruntled scowl and stomp of his foot) Alas, things do not always turn out as our
improviser plans them to...right Mr. Stephen?
(turns up nose and exits in full composure)
Moving right along, in order to properly
inform the audience of the thoughts and feelings of characters within the
story, the improvisationalist must be a master of conveying emotions of all
types and, of equal importance, emotion in varying degrees, mild, moderate and
extreme. For contrast, we first view a
character as he enters a scene and registers no emotion. (enters with sunken shoulders and
expressionless face. Walks to middle of
stage, turns around and exits) Now, a
character enters a scene and is mildly shocked. (enters, looks, raised eyebrows, leaves with a shrug) A character enters a scene and is moderately
shocked. (enters, shock registers on
face and tensed body - gives the "you got me" point? and exits
shaking head and laughing) A character
enters a scene and is extremely shocked.
(enters, falls down) When he
comes to he is moderately confused
(sits and scratches head) but is
then mildly pleased as his fair maiden enters the room (half hearted, closed
mouth smile?) for he is extremely
attracted to her incredible beauty.
(stands and runs after maiden with tongue hanging out and arms
outstretched. Does one circle then
chases her offstage). Right.
Now, it is often the case that an emotion
comes upon a character rather suddenly by an unforeseen circumstance. In such situations a technique called a
double take can be employed quite succesfully to convey the combination of
surprise and the given emotion. (enters
and stands with back to audience) The
actor turns around and finds himself in a threatening situation. (threatening situation double take) The actor turns around and is face to face
with a mortal enemy. (mortal enemy
double take) The actor turns around and
is face to face with an attractive woman.
(attractive woman double take)
The actor turns around and is face to face with a mirror. (turns and double takes with a pleased,
cocky smile. Points at mirror as if to
say, "You handsome rascal, you")
And, finally, the actor turns around and is face to face with his
grandmother. (double take with big,
welcoming smile) who is wearing a two
piece bathing suit. (be creative...some
near vomiting would go well with your horrified look) He is mildly attracted.
(looks at Skudley as if to say, "Are you crazy? No way!" Skudley simply nods toward grandma, indicating that he must do
it. Bernard musters up a half hearted
smile and exits swiftly)
Having introduced these improvisational
techniques, it is now time for Mr. Stephen's demonstration. Now, for the past two weeks that we have
been performing this lecture, I have read a selection from a book entitled,
"The Corn Harvest" as Mr. Stephen improvises around the
storyline. (Enters with basket of
corn) However, of the 13 performances I
have seen, Mr. Stephen's....improvisation....has been identical in all of them,
leading me to believe that Mr. Stephen's improvisational skills are somewhat
lesser than he would have his audiences believe. So, as tonight is our final performance, I thought Mr. Stephen
would be excited by the prospect of truly displaying his talent by having me
toss our former text. (has been getting
progressively more concerned) ...and,
instead, read random excerpts
from...Grimm's Fairy Tales and Nursery Rhymes.
Mr. Stephen, you appear to be moderately apprehensive. (shakes head) Shall we begin.
Once upon a time... (shoe lace stall) Once upon a time... (idea, one finger,
clock) Uhh...yes. Continuing right along. Once upon a time there was a man who was
**** tying his shoe. (deep in thought,
helpless look to Skudley) Perhaps you
need a little more thinking time?
(shoelace stall, gets it, ties shoe)
**** He then continued on his
way. The long journey made him
extremely weary. (yawn) I said extremely weary. (fall) **** As he slept, a warty toad
approached and kissed him on the lips ever so gently. He awoke immediately.
(sit up and ewww) and **** the
toad instantly reverted back to its human form (questioning) As they approach each other, he notices that
the toad has become an extremely attractive....prince (has been getting excited, shakes hands amiably. see you later) As he turns for one final look, he realizes that the prince is
actually **** his mortal enemy! (mortal
enemy double take, chases off stage)
who is accompanied by his entire army
(reenters being chased and gets chased back off) **** In the pursuit, he is lost in a thick,
dark forest (enters bumping into trees)
At the edge of a clearing, he is suddenly threatened by the presence of
a stranger swimming in the river (threatened double take). The stranger is a woman (attractive woman
double take) and is, in fact, his own grandmother (grandmother double take,
turns away in horror). **** Our hero
turns just in time to see a ravenous wolf leap from the bushes (points at wolf with frightened expression)
and attack a fair maiden (points beyond wolf to woman). He is extremely shocked. (fall)
**** The wolf says to him, "My, what big ears you have." (thinks for a second, then, very proudly,
gets ears of corn) Man and wolf engage in a deadly confrontation (throws ear of corn as if to go fetch, when
returns tug of war ensues) until, at
last, our hero is cornered with the wolf snarling at his throat. (backed up against wall) A dramatic pause ensues. (smells flower,
realizes is maiden, slap) **** It is
decided that an archery contest is the only way to resolve the conflict. (?????)
Our hero draws an arrow (draw arrow on paper) But, alas, misses the mark.
(arrow backwards...slap) After his humiliating defeat, our hero retreats
**** to a steep cliffside. (up against
cliff) Where he has time to think of
what to do next. (shoe tie stall, fall)
Uhh..right. And so concludes
our...tragedy. And almost everyone lives
happily ever after. The End. (Skudley stands and nods and exits, Bernard
stands, bows, exits with a trip and hops off.
Both reenter for bow....Bernard is still hopping)