IV. “I’ve Become What You Made Me”Every step was death, every footprint a rebellion. Ryan was lying in bed attached to nothing, I was attached to something that might not even exist. Paige followed, ignoring my limp. We had said nothing after we left the house. I didn’t feel the need.
A clearing up ahead, the snow coagulated and contracted. She was there. I ran towards her, she smiled. Amir’s face replaced her own. Her hair took on two shades of white, one slightly darker than the other. Lips turned blue, she opened a door behind her and stepped inside. Her finger coaxed for me to follow. Heard Paige behind me. Could he see her as well? I took a step forward, and he grabbed my arm.
“I’m coming with you. She can’t keep both of us.” Her smile broadened. Now she was beckoning with two fingers. Against my better judgement, I walked in the door. Paige followed.
Bright blue light shone from multi-faceted windows, but that wasn’t what she wanted. Her hand cupped my chin and led me to a room with three chairs. She gestured that I should sit, and went back and got Paige. The whole building looked like it was constructed out of snow, the cold seeped through everything and saturated all. I didn’t see any evidence of anyone else living here, but knew that could change at any moment. Paige was seated across from me, he looked scared shitless. The woman turned and sat in her chair, which, as I stared at it, turned into a throne. Ice and snow grew out of it in points of destruction, a small crown grew on her head...well, Amir’s head.
“Who..” I began, but stopped as it echoed and bounced off the walls infinitely.
Her lips parted and revealed black pointed teeth. “I am the Snow Queen. This is my kingdom. It travels to where the greatest concentration of snow is, however I have some control over it. Which is why I am still here.” She ran a claw across her mouth and licked it seductively. Pupils widened and nailed me to the spot. “You are interesting.”
“But why Jay? There are other people who...” Paige started, but she silenced him with a glance.
“You are here as an observer. If you talk again I will be compelled to forcibly eject you.” Claws clicked together as she grinned again. Paige slumped down in his chair. “However, I shall do you a small service and answer your question.” Her feet touched the floor and she stood. Snowflakes drifted off of her shoulders and settled on the ground. She walked towards me, her eyes keeping me there even though everything else was saying run, including Paige. Tongue licked her lips slowly. “Why this creature? This construct of flesh and bone?” Her claw traced my throat effortlessly. She smelled of pine and decay, her clothing seemed to be sewn together with snow, her skin was ice incarnate. “He amuses me. He is constantly demeaned, yet he does nothing.” Fingers at my throat, then I was only in the slave costume. I didn’t move. “Calmly accepting humiliation as his due. Staying in a relationship that has no benefits. It is odd even with humans...is it not?” she said softly, peering at Paige. Paige looked like he might say something, but he simply nodded. “You don’t know why he can’t just break it off...”
“Did you do something to Ryan?” I asked.
She laughed, it sounded like icicles smashing into bits. “No, I very rarely meddle with humans. He wouldn’t need much coaxing though, would he? He likes having you be his little whore. No emotional attachment needed if you’re only there for sex and comfort. He doesn’t even need to feel guilty that you’re not having fun, because he’s all that matters.” She stared up into the ceiling, which stretched up for miles, miles of glass and blue light. I just bit down on my lip to keep from showing any emotions. Laughter again as she pointed at me. “You even deny that he hurts you.” Blood was drying underneath me, yes, I knew he had hurt me beyond justification.
“So that’s it? That’s why you’ve been following me, making me think that I’m crazy, just because you think I’m interesting?!” I screamed. The snow vibrated and she looked at me peevishly.
“That would mean that I’m just as shallow as...Ryan? No, I’m following you because...” she glanced at Paige. He was shaking his head furiously. “No Paige, it’s not because I want him as a consort. I doubt that I could control him as effectively as Ryan.” Claws trailed from her lips to her cleavage. “Part of my nature, my job if you will, is to cover up things that die and return them to the soil. That’s not it, of course, I also reveal. I can cover a dead tree and turn it into the epitome of beauty.” She heaved a breath and a little bit of her breasts popped out. “I don’t expect you to be attracted to me, this is just a demonstration.” It was a little disconcerting to see Amir with breasts. “You’re about to reveal something to Ryan, something that will dismantle his life and desires. He is working as hard as he can to avoid noticing it, pretending that everything is okay, that you still like all the things that he does.” Her eyes closed and the lids flickered. “The things that he does...” she purred.
“Look, if you like what he does, why don’t I just send him out here to you?” I offered. She shook her head.
“I make it a point never to fall in love with humans. I am merely a voyeur. Anyway, he is doing all he can to maintain the facade of everything being exactly as it should be. You are trying to reveal the sham that it has become. That is why I am here.” The light gleamed in her eyes, but they were blank and revealed nothing.
“What?”
“Like your friend Paige here, I am an observer. I cannot influence your decision. But when you finally reveal your true feelings about and to Ryan, I will show my true form and you will know my true person.”
“Is that why you’re hiding behind everyone else’s face?”
She twirled his hair through her hands. It was then that I noticed the small masks attached to her dress and the small gap between Amir’s face and her neck. “In part. But I am not allowed to show my true form unless the occasion merits it.” Her hand against my throat, cutting off my air. “Don’t worry, I’ll show you.” Her lips approached, I just closed my eyes. Then solid glacial cold touched my lips, her tongue froze my mouth, I couldn’t breathe, she was spinning into nothing, Paige was behind her and pulling her away....
Walking back to the house. When I woke up she was gone and Paige was leaning over me and asking if I was okay. Shrugged him aside and pretended nothing had happened. My mouth felt like she had poured salt into a wound, but that was nothing compared to Ryan. As the roof came into view, I grabbed Paige and forced him to look at me. “You saw it too, didn’t you? You weren’t just humoring me, right?!”“Yes, I saw her.” His eyes were centered on my neck, not on my face.
“Paige, please just look at me! I...I know you saw Ryan with me, just...just...” I let him go and sank to the ground. “Don’t hate me.” I whispered.
“I don’t hate you. Ryan’s the one I’m mad at. He needs to find another fuck toy. And I’m going to tell him that as soon as we get back.”
“No!” I yelled. He turned and stared at me. “No...then he’d think that you and I were doing something together. Just let me tell him, okay?”
His hand under my chin tipped my head until I was looking straight at him. “You’re going to tell him.”
I nodded. “I have no other choice.” Sparkle of light in the midst of a grove of trees. Was she watching? He didn’t look convinced, but he helped me up.
Ryan was still sleeping soundly when I opened the door. Despite every urge that I had telling me to go, I slipped my hand back into the other link of the handcuffs and placed his arm around me. He sighed and nuzzled closer, giving me a whiff of all the beer he had consumed. Tomorrow I would tell him.