The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret
Jay had been acting weird lately. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, he often had little periods where he would snap at everyone and everything. This was just...different. I had the feeling it was because I had left, even though I’d come back. Funny thing was, he’d said it was okay, that since it was Fabio and everything, he understood, no hard feelings, pat on the back, good luck with that. What the hell was I supposed to think?We were all at some party for the release. I was standing with Shane, trying to put on a happy face for all the record execs and guests. It was mostly the wine, but I pretended it wasn’t. Jay was avoiding me. He’d been schmoozing everyone else, but when it came time to get near me, it was as if I was invisible. I returned the favor, it really wasn’t worth it.
Shane tapped my arm. “Maybe you should talk to him.” I nodded. She was...well, we were trying an amicable split, but hadn’t really gone through with anything yet. We didn’t really have anything in common anymore besides Willow and Gavin, and even they were beginning to see the cracks. There was a sense of the surreal around the whole proceedings. But we could behave like normal in public, so it was all okay.
He wasn’t in the room with everyone else, so I scouted the rooms along the perimeter, hoping that he was alone. Maybe we could talk without everyone else hearing us. I saw Amir and Ryan talking about something in a corner, and Paige laughing with someone I didn’t know. But no Jay.
Finally, I found him. In the last room down a dark hallway, where even the faint strains of the music were nothing more than sound distortions. He was standing in front of a window, smoking. The lights were off and all that lit the room was the stars and glittering lights from buildings across the city. I knocked on the door lightly.He turned and laughed. “You’re the last person I expected.”
“It seems like you’re avoiding me.” I walked in the room a little farther and closed the door. He’d taken to wearing a lot less makeup, which I wasn’t all that used to yet. It’d been a while since I’d seen the true color of his skin. Right now he was smiling, but it could turn into a bitch fit any second.
“Well, you know what they say, if someone leaves once, they’ll leave again.”
I smiled sadly. “You said it was okay. It wasn’t like we were doing anything then. And Fabio asked me. That’s a little different than just leaving Orgy high and dry. Orgy was choking to death on mutual disinterest from everyone. You all were spreading yourselves thin. I needed something to keep myself busy.”
“I didn’t think you’d do it.”
“But I did. And you have to deal with it, okay? I’d like to get back to being friends.”
He snorted. “That’s all you want, huh?”
“Yeah. I don’t like being the odd one out all of the time. Or at least feeling like you don’t trust me.”
“I wanted you to stay.”
“You should have told me that. How was I supposed to know if you didn’t say anything?! Fuck Jay, if you’d said something, I would have at least given it more consideration. You made it sound like you were fucking happy that I was going to leave.”
He put his hand over his mouth and shook his head. “I’m sorry, it is all my fault, okay? I was trying to figure something out and I thought that it’d be better if you just left.”
I wondered what the hell he was talking about. A few things fell into place, the way he was always staring at me, the way he’d always get more upset at me than anyone else, the long obsessive answering machine messages about nothing. Shane had even joked about him having a crush on me. And maybe she wasn’t far off the mark. “You want me, is that it?”
His eyes were dilated and he dropped his cigarette. “Yeah.”
“Pretty fucking convenient.” I half-smiled and wondered if anyone would bother us here. “Fine. I’ll fuck you. Then that can be it and we can drop it, okay?”
“Romantic, aren’t you?” He sneered.
“Hell, this is the only way you’re getting anything. And you can brag to all your friends that you got me to be your bitch and do your bidding. Isn’t that what friends are for?” I was laying the sarcasm on thick and I don’t even know why. Perhaps to cover up the quavering inside my soul. “Deal?”
He was unbuttoning his shirt and licking his lips. “Sure. After this, we’re even.”
We were naked and he was sitting on the table, hard on itching for release. I wasn’t into it at all yet, the gravity of what I had agreed to do hadn’t sunk in yet. So I held his legs apart and dove in, licking at the head of his cock. His hands grabbed my shoulders, not hard, and gently urged me to take more and more into my mouth. I acquiesced, engulfing him in my mouth and marveling at how warm he was. He was gasping, little short pants that hissed into the air conditioned atmosphere. I grinned, this was my first time and he was getting off on it...the ultimate power rush.I moved my tongue gently, then with greater erraticness, teasing his cock until he was full to burst. I felt myself get a little harder, but that was more from power than anything he was doing. His precum was a salty nothing, I was taking him in and out, grazing his shaft with my teeth, nibbling at the head. All to make him feel better, all for him. His breathing quickened, I thought I heard my name, but for all I knew he could have been telling me that I was a slut, his whore, his little bitch ass to pound. And then my mouth was full and I gagged on it, felt it slide down my lips and onto the floor.
He laid down on the table and breathed heavily, laughing to himself. I snorted and dug around in my pocket for a condom. He was a fucker, and it was his turn to feel nothing while I got off. “I don’t suppose you’d have any lube on you.” I said, trying to pretend that all I could taste wasn’t him, wasn’t his semen.
“Oh yeah, I always have some around in case my drummer decides he wants to fuck me.”
“ ‘Your’ drummer?”
“Yeah, mine. There’s probably something in the bathroom over there.”
I went into the cramped quarters, someone’s idea of an economical and artistic setup, and squirted a generous handful of lotion. Apparently the walls could be two feet apart, but there had to be enough makeup and other shit on the sink to obscure the taps from view. I smiled to myself.
He moaned, groaned, and writhed all over the table when I started to prepare him. It was almost scary to see how much control he’d lose from just one finger circling his entrance and then stabbing in. He was practically promising me riches beyond belief if I would just hit THAT spot again. So I did, again and again and again, until he was cumming all over himself and I was hard as a rock. He was twitching and he wanted something more and bigger and faster and harder and oh fuck couldn’t I give him that right now?So I did. Pushed right in, pounded him against the table. His breathing so hitched and forced that I wondered if he would pass out from pure pressure. I was having a hard time maintaining control, keeping myself out of this. He was so tight and I felt almost claustrophobic as I made him say my name over and over and over again.
It seemed like an eternity before I felt like I was going to explode, like it was time. I think I said his name as I came, holding onto his arms, digging in so deep it drew blood. He was thrashing wildly, screaming obscenities and making a mess all over the table. I collapsed on top of him, gasping for breath.
“Oh fuck, that was good.” he whispered. I giggled.
“Satisfied then?”
“Hell yeah.”
I pulled out and started to clean up. “Good, ‘cause that’s all I’m gonna give ya.” He looked pained. I shrugged. “For now, for now. I’ll keep my options open.”
And they wondered why all of a sudden we got along and were well-nigh inseparable. I can keep a secret.