PAIGEThe last semi-sharp and breakable object went in the box. I tried not to think about the thumping I had heard on the door. If Jay wanted out, Bobby could handle it. I sighed as I taped up the box. Then I glanced at my watch. Ooh, feeding time at the zoo. Time for Jay�s every other day dose of Paxil. Would it make a difference?
I unlocked the door and peered inside. Jay was lying motionless on the bed facing the wall. �Jay, it�s time.� I said. He turned his head slightly to look at me, then let it flop back down to its former position.
�For what?� I shook the bottle of pills. His eyes flicked over to look at me, but the rest of his body was immobile. �Great.�
�Come on, don�t make this anymore painful than it already is.� Could he see how red my eyes were? He knew that I hardly ever cried, surely he could tell that this was ripping me apart. Bobby was still there. Funny, I would have thought that he would have left by now.
�I don�t want to take it.� he snapped. I sighed. He was becoming more and more like a child every time I talked to him. It was starting to wear thin. If Bobby wasn�t there...but he was.
�If you don�t take it, you�re not going to feel any better.� He started crying again.
�I don�t want to take it. It hurts so much.� he said.
I shook my head and somehow found the energy to get a pill out for him. Then I advanced on him. �It�s just for these two weeks, then you�re done.�
His eyes looked like they were bleeding.
�I just want to stay with you. No drugs.�
�That�s not going to work Jay. I can�t deal with this. I don�t know if I can deal with it for much longer.� I snapped. Rose tears collected on his eyes, but he didn�t say anything, didn�t do anything. Bobby was busy monkeying around with something he had found on the other side of the room, trying to pretend he wasn�t listening. �Come on, you need to.�
�No!� he screeched, pushing his head into the pillow. When I tried to touch him he pulled away. �I don�t want to take it Paige!�
�Bobby, could you help me with this?� I asked. He jerked his head and looked at me.
�What do you need my help for? He doesn�t want to take it!�
�Exactly. We�re going to give it to him anyway.� Jay curled into a ball. �Here, help me get him untangled.�
Somehow we got Jay to lie on his back and, while Bobby was holding him still, I advanced with the pill. The tears started to fall. He closed his mouth and shook his head when I tried to get him to take it normally. �You asked for this Jay.� His eyes widened as I pinched his nose until he had to gasp for breath. That was when I pushed the pill into his mouth and pressed his mouth closed. His face...he stared at me like I was drowning him in acid. I closed my eyes. I tried to tell myself that I was just doing this for him. Finally he swallowed and I released him.
Bobby stood off to the side and looked extremely guilty as Jay coughed and started crying again. �You know, Jay, there�s only so much of this that I can take. Maybe we should put you in an institution until you feel better.�
Jay immediately started howling in anger and pain and ran out of the room. �What the hell did you do that for?! He thought you were the only one who understood, the only one who wouldn�t suggest that!� Bobby yelled.
�Why don�t you leave? I can handle this myself.� I snapped.
�Fine. Be that way.� he snarled and left. I sighed and returned to smoking my cigarette.
JAY
In the closet again. He can�t see me, he shouldn�t see me. I�m as small as I can make myself, behind the clothes, the shoes, the boxes...he won�t be able to find me. He can�t take me away, he can�t take me away! There was nothing I could let the blood free with in here, nothing. The hangers looked like knives, the buttons like buzz-saws, I need it so bad, why won�t it come back...
The door opened and light seeped in. Please tell me that it�s Bobby...Paige hates me now. Then the clothes were pushed to the side and there he was. I covered my face with my hands and cowered in the corner. �Paige, don�t send me away....� I began, but he was pulling me to my feet.
�I�m not going to send you away.� he said, but his grip was so tight. I couldn�t break free, and after he pulled me up the stairs I realized that he wasn�t taking me to the car and my eventual demise, but..but... �Sit down.� He let me go. The door was open, I could have run at any time, but I didn�t want to.
�What?� I asked.
�Jay, I didn�t meant to say that I would send you away. You just have to understand that this is really had for me too. It really hurts to see you like this, and I...I�m so sorry about last night...I lost control...� he whispered. I tried to listen, really I did, but the blood was spilling on the floor again. I grabbed my stomach and sat down on the bed. It hurt so much. �Are you even listening to me?� he yelled.
�Yes Paige...I am. Really I am. I want to get better, really I do...it just hurts so much...�
Paige sighed and hugged me. The collar of my shirt fell down a bit and he fingered the bite mark gently. I hissed as his cold hands traced the welts. �I�m so sorry...� he whispered, kissing the marks tenderly. �So..so sorry..�
I jerked away and scuttled to the edge of the bed. �You�re just pretending, you�re all just pretending! You�re going to lock me up!� I screamed, why couldn�t I have seen it before? Why hadn�t I seen it before?
His whole posture crumpled and he started crying. �I CAN�T DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE! Do whatever the fuck you want! I don�t give a damn anymore!�
Paige was gone again. And I felt so cold. And suddenly lucid. Why couldn�t the Paxil have kicked in sooner! I sank into the bed and cried myself to sleep.